I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

Teachers do get some annual leave entitlement! It just has to be taken within the 'school holidays' and not during term time.
So yes OP, you are entitled to occasional days of doing your own thing.
Your DH might be more understanding if you point out you are actually taking your annual leave too.

Well most people aren’t a huge fan of entertaining young kids over February half term, it’s the worst of all the school holidays in my opinion. Kind of the part of the deal when you choose to have kids though, sometimes you have to take annual leave to look after them when it’s cold, wet and miserable.

Well of course if he takes term time days off work then the kids are in school. And they're not when you are off work. But you get way more time off. So it's swings and roundabouts.

Would you rather he never take time off in term time and instead only did it when you're on school holidays so he can solely look after the DC? Doesn't sound that fair?

Caught up @teacakeandsandwichesyou're getting an unfair battering. Why is a weekend any different here. All your asking is that your DH parents his own children whilst you can do something that he did on his own. I’m with you.

also people suggesting the friend swap. Mine are 3 and 5 and Jesus do I not want 2 lots of 3 and 5 year olds thanks!!

i was a teacher and did by default do all parenting however on weekends we did spend time together however I was strict as fuck about DH getting home on time at 7pm and taking over. I had been at it for 14 odd hours as well as through the night by then. He did use AL to be off together and to cover stuff like inset sickness etc.

I work TTO now and don’t teach and it’s the same

I’m a teacher and take responsibility for childcare in the holidays. I have 2yo and 7yo. I use year round nursery provision so can send the youngest in when I need some time. I book the eldest into holiday clubs around once a week and would not expect any comment from DH on the cost of that. I use the day for me-time (gym, haircut etc) or seeing friends. I have a good group of friends with similar age kids so don’t find days out with kids etc too taxing, chance to have coffee and a catch up with them while we’re at a farm and so on.

Would you rather he never take time off in term time and instead only did it when you're on school holidays so he can solely look after the DC? Doesn't sound that fair?

This is literally the complete opposite of what I’ve been saying all the way through the thread; it is what a lot of others are saying, though.

@oustedbymymate i am honestly lost as to why a Saturday afternoon catching up with friends is completely acceptable and indeed encouraged but a Thursday in school holidays is not.

I totally understand where you’re coming from. He’s wrong to be huffy don’t understand all the people supporting him or telling you should do weekends or evenings.

Look, the way I see it, the AL is neither here nor there. The fact is, your DC are off in the school holidays, so are you.

You can either take advantage of being off at the same time and look after them, or you can pay for childcare.

You will get more AL than your DH as it stands, it doesn’t seem fair that he has to cut into his leave just because you want to save on childcare costs where there is otherwise a free option.

You can either take advantage of being off at the same time and look after them, or you can pay for childcare. So in your eyes, DH ever taking time off when they are on holiday should never happen, ever?

Right …

are you asking for an opinion or a validation? I gave my opinion as I see it. You get 12-13 weeks worth of holiday, he gets 5. These 2 days off equate to 8% of his annual leave. To put it in perspective. You’d only use 3% of yours. I think that unreasonable to take in February where I’m assuming his holidays run from Jan - December. If he takes the piss then tell him so. If you want me to comment truthfully then I’m going to put myself in the position of the husband. As your question was about his reaction

That's the good and bad thing about working in a school. You get all holidays but, you are the deafault childcare. A single parent and I work in school, so joy! I do all holidays, if I want a day off without children I have to go sick and take that day to myself.

Very complicated. I have voted YANBU because I don’t think it should always be women’s job to sort out holiday childcare but am also very aware I am in an unusual situation.

Husband and I both work for NHS in fact same trust. He had a 6+ year career break to be a primary carer when kids were little, so this is his second career. I have been on the same high intensity career path since pre-university and long before we met. The majority of my same level colleagues have children so we have agreed we can’t all take the school
holidays off or our patients would not have any clinicians and our childfree colleagues would be shafted. So we negotiate and he is amazing at taking on the childcare.

@NoisyViewer A bit of both. I am both bewildered and if I’m honest disappointed at how many have told me that it is completely, unequivocally unacceptable for DH to take any time during school holidays; that their care for this time is solely down to me and that if I want to see friends only weekends or evenings will do. DHs annual leave is to be protected and cherished whereas mine … that’s for childcare, stop complaining.

The hypocrisy is depressing.

The issue is that a lot of posters on MN don’t like seeing other people have something that they don’t. So because they didn’t have any free time when their kids were young, they don’t want any other woman having it either. They can’t really explain why it’s ok for a man to have plenty of free time but not for a woman, though.

No, I don’t think it should ‘never’ happen. But you’ve said it yourself he takes leave around family times and then a few times in term time.

He gets half the leave you get. The benefit for him is that he can take some in term time. I wouldn’t resent my DH for that, it’s one of the perks of not working in a school.

again, why not just pay for childcare so you can actually have a day off without one of you having to give up annual leave? That’s what everyone else does.

Oh god not another teacher moaning about her privileges.
if I was a teacher and had all this time off I’d be grateful and I’d want my husband to take time off to spend it together as a family.

I don’t think it is even that, which is what is a bit frustrating.

I know - because I’ve asked in the past -
that if I had posted upset because my hair is a mess and I’ve no time to get it done; missing my friends and my friendships; wanting time to develop hobbies and interests - I know my marriage would be under attack.

’Wheres their dad? DH needs to step up’ over and over. Even when you point out that even with the most loving and supportive husband in the world there’s a limit to what one person can do, that’s the answer: dad needs to step up.

This isn’t excessive. I spent the entirety of August with ds, the whole of October half term, the entire Christmas holiday. I’m really not swanning off when I feel like it, as some are making out, but sometimes life happens and I’m confused as to why I should be booking children into holiday clubs and involving unwilling friends and non existent family members or demanding friends give up their weekends while DHs annual leave continues to accumulate 🤷‍♀️

No one’s moaning, but if you’d like details on how you can train as a teacher I’d be glad to give you some pointers.

Except he doesn’t! He uses more than half his annual leave for time entirely to himself. No kids. At least read all of the OP’s posts before criticising her.

Of course, all teachers are lazy moaners and the job's easy and well paid which is why people are queuing up to do it .

The OP is not at work this week as the school is closed. Also the other holidays. It's not really annual leave is it? More like a compulsory factory holiday.

Tell me you know nothing about being a teacher without telling me..

I don’t resent it. You’ve said ‘again’, as if you’re so tired of repeating yourself, but this is at least the third time I have explained to you that I have robustly defended DHs right to a bit of time to himself. It’s also the second time at least I have explained that the cost of two children in childcare would be around £120 for one day.

Because a Saturday is not a working day for either of you - it is very different from using up precious, limited leave! You are in a career that is part time (over the course of the year, with your unpaid leave). He is full time and therefore has much less leave.

The first year of having a child in school often plays havoc with leave allowance, as many bank it up expecting a slew of viruses, bugs and school events. If that has not occurred, great! But it does mean you may get to the end of the leave year with a glut that you cannot carry over.

Honestly, most of us struggle by with a patchwork of leave, calling favours from friends, holiday clubs and (if available) family. The concept of deserving days to yourself whilst on leave is absolutely alien to most working parents. DH and I are often working through our holidays too, nature of our career, which doubles the stress.

DM taught and looked after us each holiday. DF joined us on family holidays, and used the rest of his leave for covering Baker Days, illnesses, school events, dentists etc. that DM couldn't cover due to her job.

Talk tp your DH calmly about allocation of leave for the following year, like other parents do. Take into account your lack of flexibility during term time and leave him with a buffer. Use weekends where possible for small events - I would be pretty hacked off if my DH demanded I used a day's leave so he could go for a haircut and a coffee with his mates without the kids in tow.

😂 I think I touched a nerve

No you just don’t understand but hey think what you like