I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

I think it’s the 2 days in one week in the first set of holidays in his calendar year. He has 5 weeks off to your 12 - 13 weeks. More than double his entitlement. Why not agree that for every day you have to yourself he can book a day for himself. Then the rest you have off together.

Not unreasonable . If you asked him this week the yeah that probably is a bit unreasonable because it can be tricky , but you deserve a day , yes .

Teaching is bloody hard and to then have all your time off spent with your children who I’m assuming are young - as much as you love them that’s still hard - whereas your husband could just take a day off in term time and have a day to himself- that’s unfair .

Personally , I’m a teacher myself and I would never expect my husband to take time off to watch the children ( although mine are older now so I could easily go for lunch with friends etc and they also are not my husbands children so they have their dads to go to ) but if they were young and they were his I would probably feel like you

That would certainly benefit the OP far more than the current situation, as he gets 15 days annual leave to himself.

I still don't understand why he doesn't take most of those 2-3 weeks off with his family. Does he not actually like you? Does he not want time with his kids? Is he pretty hands off generally?

So what is he doing with the week’s leave after October half term? If he gets that whole week to himself then he should definitely not begrudge you TWO days to meet friends!!

What an unpleasant post.

So why doesn't he?

I work in a school (non-teaching role) and my husband works 7 am - 4 pm. I have always been the one to be at home with my son, but my husband always takes time off during the school holidays, for family time. If I wanted to go out with friends then, we would make it work, so my husband covered that time, even if he had to take leave.

It depends on how much annual leave your husband has. My husband can work extra hours and build it up to take extra time off, which adds to his standard annual leave. Not everyone has that option though.

There is no faux naivety here. I cannot for the life of me understand why getting my hair done on a Saturday (about three times a year, I might add!) is acceptable and approved, but having a day in school holidays to do it while my DH spends some time with the children is completely unacceptable. That isn’t remotely faux naivety; I genuinely am not understanding the logic there whatsoever.

Like most parents of very small children, I have virtually no time to myself. But if I posted lamenting that my friendships had gone, my hair was a mess and I hadn’t had a smear test, are we actually saying that people wouldn’t be piling on demanding why my DH hadn’t stepped up? I’m being sharp here as that post has really annoyed me; making out I’m spending weeks relaxing in holidays while my DH picks up the slack is so far off the mark it is laughable.

I'm surprised by the comments that you should be the default parent ALL the time. Most of the time, sure. But that seems to be what you are suggesting.

My DH has a school role, I take the vast majority of my leave in school holidays, including when he says - "there's a three week block of summer holidays here where you haven't taken any days off- can you book some leave so I can have a break?"

He also encourages me to take some leave when he can see I'm exhausted, in term time to just unwind.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Two days is nothing... more days would also not be unreasonable.

I'm a teacher. I see it as my responsibility but that he earns a shed load more because I do all this childcare so I think I deserve a couple of perks haha, so I don't feel guilty throwing money at the holidays to keep myself sane.

Teacher too. Kids are older now but I would never have asked my husband to take a day off to mind the kids when I was already off!

I think it is that we need to address. I’m not defending him so much as the right to any individual to the right to a bit of ‘me time’ 😅 but he does have to realise it is a two way process and just because I am off work doesn’t mean my holiday time is for childcare while his is his to do what he wishes with. It’s that discrepancy I’m miffed about.

Anyone I do know with a five year old and a two year old is unsurprisingly not volunteering for double the chaos.

It goes to show we’re all different. My first call would always be their dad.

Agree completely.

Teacher here.
Our arrangement is that I do holiday care, and he uses around 50% of his leave for 'him stuff' and 50% is to take days with us as a family.
I get around an equal share of time to myself on weekends through the year- most of my hobbies etc fall on weekends so this suits both of us.

Edited to add my children are both under 4

Like I say, we’re all different. I wouldn’t dream of burdening a friend like this and honestly I wouldn’t really want sole responsibility for four under five’s for a day either.

Yes, that’s completely understandable. He’s acting as though you’re the default parent and he’s entitled to more free time than you are.

That’s three months of the year, in total
Jesus no wonder I always feel like I’m on my knees.

I have the same argument with my DH, which isn’t helped by the fact he out earns me (so feels almost more wasteful to get him to take AL when I’m already off).

That said I do insist on it. I know some people find it strange MiL but otherwise where is my break? I work and look after the kids and nothing else? I’d even take on the DIY or other jobs rather than looking after the kids by myself all the time. It sends you a little mad in my opinion. You need balance. Some time away to recharge, to be you and not Mum/Wife even if for just the odd day here and there.

You know what you need OP? A hobby

If he only uses two weeks holiday as a family, he has 3 weeks to himself.

You have zero days to yourself- you are either at work, or doing childcare. If you’re anything like most teachers, you spend some of your holiday juggling school work and childcare.

So if he’d agreed to do this childcare when you agreed in advance, and he forgot, then I’d say it’s his responsibility to sort out.

Of course you're not being unreasonable. You took 2 days. People are mad. No wonder young women are opting to stay child free!

I did suggest a fair compromise going forward. But would I want to use 2 days of my limited 15 days holiday in wet & cold February? Nope I wouldn’t. Depending on the age of her kids she has more years ahead of her to enjoy her holidays as she pleases than she does being tied down. Yes he should be at least taking his holiday when she’s off whilst keeping a day or 2 for himself. But I also do think I can see why he’s pissed off

I have tried to explain that this year, DHs leave culminated, largely because both holidays we had fell over bank holidays and our children were healthy and no one needed time off.

It came to the end of the year and he had a lot of leave.

He could indeed have taken it off in October half term. He didn’t; I didn’t mind. Honestly, it was nice to see DS. But maybe he just doesn’t like me. I think though it’s more likely he used the time to catch up on work, tasks he hasn’t had much chance to do, he did do some painting in the dining room as well which I try not to dwell on as he chose a horrible colour … I don’t think it’s a reflection on how much he likes me, and I still think that was a spiteful post.

Yeah, this works better with older children tbh. Wait till they're 8 or 9: they're bugging you or fighting with their sibling - then the friend comes over and there's peace for three hours straight!

You said, ‘Nope, I wouldn’t’

What you would want isn’t really the point though.

Tomorrow afternoon I am meeting friends for lunch. On Thursday I am seeing friends who are here from another country (sort of.) What the weather is like is by the by; we’re not going on a camping trip.