I’m a teacher; does this mean school holidays are solely my responsibility?

[teacakeandsandwiches]

Or is it reasonable to ask DH to take some annual leave then so I can actually have a life of my own a bit?

You can probably tell which way I’m leaning. This holiday I’ve arranged to see friends tomorrow and Thursday. DH quite put out he has to take time off but honestly is this really so unfair?

That sounds like a sensible survival strategy.

Working FT with one in school and one in nursery with DH having an intense year of site visits finished me off for a while. DS's autistic traits also became more apparent and wrap round care was more than he could cope with.

Coming back into teaching after a gap, it's definitely a younger profession with fewer teachers managing a work/ family balance long term. The majority of older staff are p/t or support roles.

I think the reason you're getting a lot of stick is because the idea of time to ourselves in the 'holidays' is a luxury most of us only dream of. And that doesn't mean it's wrong to sometimes have those days I'd you can make it work. Your faux naevity smug about 'but that would make my weekends busy with admin' stings when that's the reality for most of us, and many of us are doing very full-on jobs with very little time off.

From the sound of it, you've either returned to teaching after a break, or because children were in childcare, you had much of the holidays off. Sounds like this is your first experience of life either being work or looking after children, without a break.

It might not feel it, but you guys are in a privileged position because between you, you have more leave than school holidays. So unlike most families, you can take time for yourselves. If he has 25 days, then perhaps earmark 10 for holidays or time together, 5 to cover sickness, 4 to cover school events, and then 3 personal days each.

Personally, I'm self-employed, and take most of the holidays with the kids and then catch up with work in the evening - a total double shift.

No it’s not wrong for each parent to have time to themselves. It can be a challenge and when my kids were young it was rare for me and my partner. But I agree you are not unreasonable to want this.

However I do think you have a bigger problem in the fact your DH is taking a whole week off for himself. I would have never had done that to my teacher DH. I really appreciated that he did the majority of childcare in the holidays. I used my leave for family time together. He is being selfish and not appreciating you.

From some info you have dropped it also sounds like he is selfish financially as well. Don’t let him treat you like this .

Yeah, I agree he should take time when you’re off to make sure you have time for yourself and he should be fine to take a bit of time not in school holidays so he can do whatever he wants to do.

But it does seem odd that he’s taking something in the order of 2-3 weeks of holiday when his kids aren’t on holiday - sounds like he’s taking more leave without them than with them. Doesn’t he want to see more of them than that? Yes everyone needs some time for themselves but that balance feels out. You don’t have to be going “on holiday” - it’s nice just to be around the house and do day trips out, visit family / friends, etc?

You’re defending him, which is fine and admirable, but the fact is that he’s happy to take 15 days annual leave to himself but begrudges you even 2 days to yourself. Thats what the issue is, to me. Why is he entitled to time alone and you’re not? Does he think he deserves it more than you?

Yes, your responsibility.
I would rather DH save his AL for time to do things as a family, not to give you 'me time'.
DH was the teacher in our family. I am one now too for this very reason.

I'm a teacher and I totally get where you are coming from.
DH has 30 days holidays plus the bit between Christmas and New year's.
Every school holidays he takes a few days. We either do family things, jobs around the house or give each other a break. Today he took the kids out while I did some planning.
Sometimes I'll book the kids into a club if their friends are going so they have fun and I get a day off.
He covers all training days and most of the sick days. Any extra annual leave is used to do jobs around the house or visit his dad for a long weekend (another country). I also get a long weekend away. He does sometimes have a few extra days off that he takes for a chill out but this is rare. He usually finds something that needs doing!

But that's what you'd rather do, not necessarily what is right. If the OP would rather have 2 days to herself and doesn't mind losing 2 days family time why is that wrong? Because it's not what you'd do?

Mental 😂😂

Definitely not a martyr, I get plenty of time to myself, but I use evenings and weekends. I wouldn’t be using two days out of twenty five to cover for my husband to have days out, and I wouldn’t expect him to do that for me.

However, I hadn’t seen at that point he takes his holidays when the kids are at school - not on!

I am surprised that you don’t want to ask friends with similar age children to look after yours. You can look after their children sometime in return. I used to have a regular swap with a friend.

The number of people on this thread who thinks "because this is not how I live my life it is wrong" is crazy. Have an open mind people!

But he doesn’t use his leave for family time. He mainly uses it for time to himself. Does no one read the OP’s posts?

You should aim to have an equal amount of days off a year each "for yourself".

It wouldn't be fair for you to do the full 13 weeks a year, and for him to take his 5 weeks during term time.

Equally, it is not fair for him to take his entire 5 weeks in holiday time too.

I work term time only and thus by default do all of the childcare in the holidays - which is fine, I am off work.

DH has a job with 5 weeks annual leave most of which is used for family stuff but he will take a handful of days annual leave a year to go to a sports event with friends or very occasionally just to have a day off.

I am always either at work or with our children and obviously don’t have annual leave - so he will take a couple of days a year off in school holidays and I will go off and do things without the kids.

I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

He doesn’t use it for family time anyway! He uses more than 50% of his annual leave for himself.

I know! I don't understand why people aren't figuring that out. The fair thing in this situation where both parents like to have some time solo is to ensure they have roughly equal time.

Sorry if 'weird' came across as judgy. I mean it's unusual for someone to spend more than half their annual leave not with their family. I don't know anyone that does that. But if it works for your family then obviously you should also be entitled to a chunk of your annual leave as free time.

This may be all true but why do other women take delight in pulling others down - like many have on here. Yes many don't have time for themselves, but that shouldn't mean they we actively tell us to suck it up and get on with it. All parents need time to do other things that aren't necessarily child related. It's not a race to the bottom.

Your comment suggesting that teachers are privileged is a bit rich and suggests you have very little idea of what teaching involves, one of the many people that assume teachers have too many holidays and only work 9-3pm....

I find these threads always become very competitive with people claiming they work much harder than everyone else or my life is so much harder than everyone else's- it's all a bit pathetic really. OP just wanted to meet her friends...

Of course OP doesn’t mind giving up 2 days family time, she gets about three times more annual leave than non teachers and is spending it with the kids. I don’t know many full time working non-teacher couples with school age kids who would a) use two days of it just for themselves - maybe barring a very special occasion- or b) expect their partner to use 2 days of theirs while they go out with their friends.

Yes it’s puzzling that you are defending him. He is clearly selfish in the way he uses his annual leave. He is not taking a “couple of days to himself” like you would like. He’s taking weeks! He is being unreasonable and the annual leave isn’t the actual problem here.

I think if you have one of plans then it’s ok to expect him to cover, but in truth you guys get a lot of holidays & assuming he’s not receiving the same quota some of his holiday is used for Christmas’s, birthdays & family holidays. He couldn’t possibly make the arrangements for child care fair. So I think if every holiday you’re expecting to meet friends so you get some annual leave to yourself yes you’re being unreasonable. Especially arranging to meet friends on 2 of the 5 days you have off. My husband and myself for that matter would be telling the parent that is off I’ll do 1 day and you best pick which one you’re going to or get a babysitter.

What do you think about the OP’s DH getting 15 days annual to spend entirely how he pleases, with no children in tow, and the OP getting 0?

But the friend would also gain from it as on another day later in the week, you would have her dc for the day so she would also get a day off. It might be harder as your youngest is 2 but when they’re both school age, you may find it works well.

It isn’t fair that you don’t get ‘actual free time days off’. I can see that of course being a teacher allows more holiday cover for kids but you and he need to agree how many ‘child free’ days you should each get.

But he took 2 weeks off in term time for himself! Two weeks!