How are Grammar schools so much better than comprehensives if they get the same funding?

[Karma1387]

Me and my partner are in a situation where we are looking to relocate in order to move to a Grammar school area. This is going to involve us both having to find new jobs and coordinate a house move at the same time.

Some of my family disagree with our decision to move for the sake of grammar school and don't see how they can be better than a normal comprehensive school.

I am hoping some people on here will have some knowledge on how grammar schools achieve so much better than comprehensives?

Also anyone with experience with grammar schools they could share? From what I have read the class sizes aren't much different to comprehensives and they get the same funding. Is it literally just a case of because they do the 11+ they tend to only take on the more academically inclined kids. Does this translate to less bad behaviour etc compared to comprehensive schools?

The move is going to be stressful with us both trying to find new jobs plus moving further away from both our families I want it to be worth it! Our local comprehensive is awful for results and we want to give the kids the best opportunities.

Personally I would rather homeschool and fully keep them out of the school system but my partner is very against this and is determined we need to move to a grammar school area so any advise to aid our discussion would be amazing!

Are we being unreasonable to relocate for the possibility of grammar school?

He will see grandparents and great grandparents and aunties and uncles and cousins so he will learnt to talk to different people and generations through people we know. It doesn't need to be taught by talking to strangers.

Haha me too! I’m hoping it’ll translate into a part time job at some point!

We had a bit of a wakeup call on this when we lost DD for a few minutes at a forest park. She didn't know the classic advice to stay still, not keep moving, and someone tried to help her but she was scared and ran off. We had the "ask an adult for help"/"sit on a bench and stay there" conversation and made her memorise mobile numbers!

I would never tell my kids to find a mummy with a child if he was lost. If I was to teach him anything it would be find a policeman or a shop worker.

Women with children doesn't make that person safe.

But you are correct I can't stop him talking to strangers but I can explain we don't talk to people we don't know.

Good luck sister! I was hopeful re Vinted but muggins here is posting all the parcels...

So you plan on isolating your son from wider society? This isn’t a healthy approach to parenting and it will have a negative impact on your child as he grows up.

But you don’t seem to care. Poor kid.

That doesn't apply to an adult and a child though! Meeting a child at park and my son talking to them is one thing. My son going to a park and talking to a adult is very different. My child and a random adult are not going to be 'friends'

Haha typical eh? 😂

Before quitting your jobs and moving house look into the chances of your kid actually getting a place, they are beyond competitive, they select only the top performers which means parents who take education seriously and are organised. They’re only bette because they select the best of the best.

Mummy with children is the least worst option in an open place like a busy street or park. Gently, we all had a plan. Then they turned adventurous and we were in the back foot

Where the heck do you live that there are enough police officers walking around that that would make sense as advice?!

Actually where I teach the local shops have "safe haven" stickers so kids can go in there if they have concerns, as we have an issue with muggings for phones.

It of course depends on where they are but hence I said or go into a shop. You can't assume a mum with a child is a safe person is more the point.

Thank you so much for so many replies. It has kind of gone on a bit of a non grammar school related tangent but I really appreciate all the information and opinions on all topics.

Its given us a lot to think about and discuss over the next year.

So do you have a preferred location @Karma1387 ?
We could help if you gave us some info rather than wanging on about pick up procedures

Please be very careful with that sentiment- there may be times he has to speak to someone he doesn’t know and being fearful of it might actually endanger him more.

my son was able to knock on someone’s door at nearly 4 and ask for help because his granny who he was on a walk with had had a heart attack. That’s real life. Sometimes we need strangers. I have never taught my children stranger danger and glad of it.

Do you talk to strangers?

Honestly we don't know. Partner wants to be Essex. We have considered stamford/grantham way for the grammar school option but there have been a fair few comments on here about it not being a great place and the comprehensives not being good so we aren't sure on that one.

I don't know if there is a grammar location we are going to be able to agree on without one of us being unhappy so I think we are really going to have to just weigh up how much grammar school really matters to my partner and if hes willing to relent on it try to move to a nicer part of Cambridgeshire with better schools or apply out of catchment for now if we can't afford the house prices.

No I don't talk to strangers. Again unless its saying please or thank you or ordering something.

Probably best to assume police officers aren't either then!

My Year 6 has been showing parents round. I wasn’t asked for permission. It’s good for DC.

You really do need to relax a bit. Your school days will not be your children’s

Most children will have parents with high expectations who value education (and many, if not most will have paid for tutoring).

Check how oversubscribed the schools are though. Our local grammar turns lots of students who pass the exam away every year because they just don't have enough space for everyone.

OP I think I'm going to have to bow out of this thread which is a shame as I have direct knowledge of some of your questions.

But I don't think responding to you is actually helping, it's just feeding your severe anxiety. You're obsessing over controlling your children's interactions whilst at school and hugely overthinking every possible scenario. Yet, you're completely ignoring the damage you are doing to them by exposing them to your paranoia and making them live clearly a very small, suffocating life.

I hope you get the help you need.

Thats okay after 32 pages I think I have had more than enough advice from everyone. Everyone has given us lots to think about and discuss so I really appreciate everyones comments 😊

Be wary of giving up your career for so long without being married. You are in such a vulnerable position. It's good you are working part time and keeping your hand in.

Don't underestimate the benefits of being near family. The stress of distance when you need help / childcare/ just want to see them or when they need you can be immense. Plus the obvious benefits of close multigenerational relationships. Your partner seems to have preferences about where he wants to be. I am worried the cracks of resentment will appear over time given you seem to want different things.

I don't think, if your partner is academically high achieving, not keen on homeschooling and would actually quite like you to change your mind about working more, it is not going to go well if convince him otherwise. Even just to year 3.You have to both think it's a great idea. You keep saying of course it's a joint decision. To home school would it depends on him agreeing to something you already know he disagrees with, and also solely funding it. I think you need to put the idea out of your mind.

It sounds like he / you already can't live where you want to because you aren't working. It doesn't sound as though you went into parenting jointly agreed he would be the main earner and you would be off indefinitely.

If you two don't like where you are it makes sense to move. I would pick somewhere with decent plan B comprehensives in case grammar or home schooling don't work out long term. Or you have a child who is strong in sport / drama etc.

But to be honest your posts read as though you just want your kids with you for as long as possible and are anxious about letting go. Or them growing up. You have referred to difficulties you had as a child and at school and having had counselling. I think possibly you could do with a few sessions around this because you may be allowing your own experiences to cloud your thinking. What on earth is the issue with a child chatting to a parent on an open day??? You say you will go with what suits each child. But contradict it as then say you don't like your nephew doing fractions age 5, despite him loving it so much he goes to maths club. So you'd remove that from him would you, and send him out to play?

Well done your son @LeastOfMyWorries that's really impressive of him, especially as it must have been so horrible for him to see. I'm mid 40s and don't trust I wouldn't just get in a tizz.

Ah thank you, but actually an advantage of being young enough not to realise any more than “granny’s fallen over”. No over thinking when you’re 3!