How are Grammar schools so much better than comprehensives if they get the same funding?

[Karma1387]

Me and my partner are in a situation where we are looking to relocate in order to move to a Grammar school area. This is going to involve us both having to find new jobs and coordinate a house move at the same time.

Some of my family disagree with our decision to move for the sake of grammar school and don't see how they can be better than a normal comprehensive school.

I am hoping some people on here will have some knowledge on how grammar schools achieve so much better than comprehensives?

Also anyone with experience with grammar schools they could share? From what I have read the class sizes aren't much different to comprehensives and they get the same funding. Is it literally just a case of because they do the 11+ they tend to only take on the more academically inclined kids. Does this translate to less bad behaviour etc compared to comprehensive schools?

The move is going to be stressful with us both trying to find new jobs plus moving further away from both our families I want it to be worth it! Our local comprehensive is awful for results and we want to give the kids the best opportunities.

Personally I would rather homeschool and fully keep them out of the school system but my partner is very against this and is determined we need to move to a grammar school area so any advise to aid our discussion would be amazing!

Are we being unreasonable to relocate for the possibility of grammar school?

Because we don't tend to encourage children to talk to random people?

I would teach my kids to say please, thank you, excuse me for when shopping or eating in a restaurant etc. But I wouldn't be encouraging them to talk to random people and I wouldn't talk to random people either.

Gently, your child is 2 (I believe). As your child learns to talk and wander, you will find yourself chatting with other toddlers on a see saw, at the swings, on the ladder for the slide. It all comes very naturally, sometimes you’ll say “oops we all must take a turn”, and sometimes it will be “so sorry, my child wait your turn”. Gently, you are overthinking.

I went to one of these grammar schools, though I left almost half a lifetime ago now!

I absolutely loved it and am so grateful to have had the opportunity to go there.

However, I’m not sure I’d put all my eggs in a grammar basket unless you have other reasons to move to the area. My sibling didn’t pass the 11+ and did not do well academically. My children are a similar age to yours and I don’t know that I’d want to bet a whole family relocation on them passing an exam in nearly a decade.

It’s good for a child’s development to encourage them to interact with a range of people, including adults.

DH has always taken DS shopping on a weekend and they finish with a hot chocolate in a cafe. we’ve always encouraged him to talk to the adults he comes across in the shops and cafes and I’m so grateful they took the time and effort to interact back. He’s 11 now and starting to visit the shops and cafes on his own and the staff know him and still chat to him ( and give him free stuff 😂).

They might only have 20 kids in the year! I mean obviously you know the other parents by sight and to say hello to?

Schools generally do like to have 4 people on the contact list, both parents and two emergency contacts, but they can’t force this. It is worth knowing that they won’t stop anyone with parental responsibility unless there’s exceptional circumstances ( think DV etc) and if you don’t have emergency contacts and don’t pick up and they can’t get hold of a parent they will call social services ( usually after an hour), so it is worth having some if you can.
if you have particular relatives where this is a concern, which it sounds like you do, then you should highlight this to the school so they’re extra aware, but they’d call you to check anyway if their not on the list.

By about 7 we would send our children into a Mr Simms style (weigh your sweets) with random amounts of money like 75p or 37p so they knew they had to ask the shop assistant to advice on what they could afford. We would wait right outside the shop but it helped our shy children to have a conversation! And it helps with the advice if you get lost and can’t find a policeman, the shop assistants will help

Christ on a bike @Karma1387 . Having read your other post this is even more batshit.

You both have medical issues (which could reoccur) that have meant giving up driving licences, you have no friends, don't go to toddler groups, have no hobbies and don't socialise in any way.

You are clearly a loving and engaged mother but it would be cruel to home school your children in this tiny world (not to mention the dad with sleep apnea working nights and trying to kip while you do).

You gave up work as is your choice to make but it means you can't move. You can't put a child out of area to school if there's a chance you can't drive.

Get some help before you have to apply for schools and pick whichever of your primary schools is best within walking distance.

Being a SAHM has benefits for the children but it comes with the cost reduction to the household finances and so you limit where you can live.

Just make the best of it while they are little and know no different.

You love your son, give him the opportunities he deserves.

So when do u start teaching them how to interact with the rest of the world?!

I'm utterly fascinated with this

We did the same with the shop at the campsite we stayed in regularly. Also used to call into a corner shop every Friday after school because the owners were so nice it was a great place to practise polite social interaction.

DD is unfortunately at 13 quite confident with solo public transport and shopping which costs me a flipping fortune! And she looks soooo sweet and innocent and is not above a bit of a scam. "My card was declined in Waitrose mummy but a nice granny bought me a cheese sandwich..." 🤯

Id happily have me and my partner as pickup contacts although not sure he would be really doing them.

Other contacts depends where we move. If we stayed close to where we are now I would have my dad and sister who could be emergency contacts. If we move further from where we are now it would just be me and partner.

I'm pleased to see it seems like whilst they have a bit more freedom at 7 they will still only folllow a approved list.

Me and my partner ...

Haven’t read all posts / replies so apologies if already covered. I’m assuming you’re south east based as you mentioned Chelmsford. Can I suggest you take a look at Rayleigh / Benfleet - both areas are catchment for the Southend Grammers, but also have good comprehensive secondaries as back up. Plus good transport links into London for the long long term planning of employment opportunities 😊

Christ you're still on the list thing.

Luckily mine is very unlikely to reoccur as it is medicated and only happened twice in 28 years!

DP will also hopefully come off nights before our son starts school otherwise he will never see him.

We can possibly move but we are restricted on area but thank you lots to think about over the next year or so before applications go in.

He will learn to interact when we order food in a restaurant or go shopping or to days out when we get tickets from staff.

He can learn manners and basic niceties through these interactions.

DS has been volunteering to go and collect our takeaway recently and I just thought he was being helpful…nope turns out they give him a coke and free poppadoms while he waits!!

Yes? There tends to be 2 people in a relationship?

Life is so much more than basic manners and niceties though.
What about the art of conversation? Interacting with different people and different generations?

So... He will be talking to people then?!

We are actually currently up cambridgeshire way. We moved from essex when I got pregnant as I own a house here which was much cheaper than Essex rent!

We have looked at rayleigh etc its just very expensive and over 2 hours from my dad so although we would be closer to my partners family I am closer with my dad than he is with his family.

But it is always a possible option.

I mean I'm 50/50 "argh" and 50/50 "my work here is done" when I find out this stuff.

DD has a few issues and is neurodiverse but is somehow also rather streetwise. And your son will never be hungry!

Yes he will talk to people when needed to be polite. I wouldn't be encouraging him to talk to a random person sat near us or at the park though.

But you can’t control his interactions indefinitely. Whether that’s a granny in the queue for ice cream who starts a chat or a cleaner in a cafe who asks him to move or where he is lost momentarily and you have told him to ask a mummy with children for help in a tight spot. You need to prepare your child to speak with people his immediate family have not introduced him to. That comes from a variety of interactions but also adults who have applied for a place for their child at his school ( where the school have their contact details and child will never be unsupervised)

Friends are just strangers you haven't got to know yet I guess.