To be so upset that I have fallen out with my mum?

Whatsername1 · 2026-02-15T11:03:12+00:00

My mum and I have always been very close. I talk to her all the time, ask her advice, spend time together, she is also very involved in my DC life. The other day my DC had a fall outside, after my mum saying they should be careful. I picked DC up and gave them a hug and said let's be more careful now. I am sure my mum made a face like a raised eye brow as if, I already told you so. I don't know why but I just felt so mad and asked why did she make a face at me? I didn't intend for DC to get hurt. She got really defensive and said she didn't, but that I was being very nasty and cheeky and that I should just go home. We had a bit of a fight about it and it turned very cold. We never fall out. She is my favourite person bar my DC and I hate to think I have hurt her feelings. I text her to apologize and say I must have got it wrong and I'm sorry I thought she made a face at me. I got a thumbs up in reply. I've offered to take her out tomorrow and sent pictures today of DC but no reply. Have I really been horrible and how do I fix it? I feel so awful that I snapped at her, I was out of line but I really felt she was judging me for my DC getting hurt.

Clarabell77 · 15/02/2026 11:07

I think most families have stuff like this happen in stressful moments, I definitely have. It’ll blow over, don’t worry about it.

DestinedToBeOutlived · 15/02/2026 11:07

Just give her a couple of days.

It sounds like you both had an argument born out of frustration, which may be a result of spending too much time together, a break may do you both the world of good.

rainbowstardrops · 15/02/2026 11:08

Oh, I really feel for you.
My mum has died now but we were super close too and I remember one rare time that we fell out and it made me feel absolutely dreadful.
You’ve apologised but she’s obviously a bit shocked and upset at your reaction to her raising an eyebrow.
Did you shout at her or say anything hurtful and unkind?
All you can do is to reiterate how sorry you are. Maybe take some flowers round to her?
I imagine it will all sort itself out

CmonBobby · 15/02/2026 11:12

You’ve apologised, give her a bit of space now. Sometime I shut down a bit when I’ve been hurt or angry, it’s not about the other person I just need a bit of time to process and then I’ll be fine.
It is a bit odd she called you “cheeky” though which coming from a mother to a daughter sounds a bit infantilising. Obviously family dynamics are always at play but you would ideally be relating as two adult women now in the main?

plasbks · 15/02/2026 11:13

Is she perhaps thinking that she saw the accident coming but you didn't act on her warning words to prevent it and therefore was indeed facially annoyed and felt entitled to be annoyed?

KeepOffTheQuinoa · 15/02/2026 11:21

Maybe you both need a bit of space.

Occasionsl snapping is normal in the best of families.

You were both momentarily upset because a hurt child caused emotions to rise.

But cover-all instructions like ‘be careful ‘ are meaningless to kids and are just there for adults to express their anxiety.

Choose genuinely helpful, enabling instructions: hold on , keep your eyes looking where you are going, only move one hand or foot at a time on the climbing frame , it’s slippy so let’s walk, don’t run etc.

And understand that minor falls and mishaps are part of children’s learning and resilience. They would never learn to walk if they didn’t get up and try again after falling.

Your mum replied with a thumbs up. Don’t do needy chasing her.

Original poster

Whatsername1 · 15/02/2026 11:22

plasbks · 15/02/2026 11:13

Is she perhaps thinking that she saw the accident coming but you didn't act on her warning words to prevent it and therefore was indeed facially annoyed and felt entitled to be annoyed?

Yes I think that's definitely what happened. She did make a face but I should have just kept quiet. Maybe it was a face in response to something else. I keep replying it in my mind thinking why didn't I just shut up

OP posts:

Original poster

Whatsername1 · 15/02/2026 11:24

KeepOffTheQuinoa · 15/02/2026 11:21

Maybe you both need a bit of space.

Occasionsl snapping is normal in the best of families.

You were both momentarily upset because a hurt child caused emotions to rise.

But cover-all instructions like ‘be careful ‘ are meaningless to kids and are just there for adults to express their anxiety.

Choose genuinely helpful, enabling instructions: hold on , keep your eyes looking where you are going, only move one hand or foot at a time on the climbing frame , it’s slippy so let’s walk, don’t run etc.

And understand that minor falls and mishaps are part of children’s learning and resilience. They would never learn to walk if they didn’t get up and try again after falling.

Your mum replied with a thumbs up. Don’t do needy chasing her.

Edited

Yes I think I was upset because my child got hurt and I felt a bit embarrassed because I didn't see it coming after my mum warned us, I think it was just heightened reactions but I still wish I had said nothing, I feel awful

OP posts:

Original poster

Whatsername1 · 15/02/2026 11:25

rainbowstardrops · 15/02/2026 11:08

Oh, I really feel for you.
My mum has died now but we were super close too and I remember one rare time that we fell out and it made me feel absolutely dreadful.
You’ve apologised but she’s obviously a bit shocked and upset at your reaction to her raising an eyebrow.
Did you shout at her or say anything hurtful and unkind?
All you can do is to reiterate how sorry you are. Maybe take some flowers round to her?
I imagine it will all sort itself out

I don't think I did, I think she was probably pissed off that I said something but she looked really hurt. I don't know why she is thought it was cheeky or nasty tbh, but I feel awful that I've made her feel that way.

OP posts:

DarkForces · 15/02/2026 11:27

I can't see you did anything to warrant the silent treatment. She made a face, you felt judged and snapped. I'd leave her to come around at her own pace now as tbh she also owes you an apology but I'd let it go and wait her out.

RaisedBar · 15/02/2026 11:28

Do you have to tread on eggshells around her? Does she give you the silent treatment? Do you never challenge her normally? Do you never argue because you always give in to her? I wonder why she is being so hostile and also why this is affecting you so much if you are so close and have such a good relationship. It all sounds pretty trivial to me.

EvangelineTheNightStar · 15/02/2026 11:31

How old is dc? was it a typical toddler tumble or are they badly injured? It
sounds very dramatic!

TheWonderhorse · 15/02/2026 11:35

I don't think her being silent is helpful at all. She needs to have an adult conversation with you. I told you sos are absolutely annoying and she was being that person. I can't judge your reaction because I'm not clear about it.

She took a difficult situation and made it worse because proving her point was more important than supporting you and her dgc at that moment. I would have reacted too.

But honestly, you shouldn't feel like this about a stressy snap at your mother. It happens, you apologised. If she won't accept then things are worse between you than you thought.

5128gap · 15/02/2026 11:36

Without knowing the details of the 'bit of a fight' its impossible to say whether your mum is justifiably still very upset over some very hurtful things said, or unfairly sulking. If she is a sulker by nature, then wait it out and she'll come round. However if you think on reflection she has reason to be upset with you, then if it were me, I'd go round and try and make amends.

Ella31 · 15/02/2026 11:37

I can see why she and you were both hurt but I hate the thumbs up behaviour. It's so passive aggressive particularly if its not normally what she writes. You have done your bit now, apologised and it's up to her if she wants to keep it going. It really is a non event in the grand scheme of things so dont let it ruin your day xx

Applecup · 15/02/2026 11:38

Whatsername1 · 15/02/2026 11:25

I don't think I did, I think she was probably pissed off that I said something but she looked really hurt. I don't know why she is thought it was cheeky or nasty tbh, but I feel awful that I've made her feel that way.

Show quote history

You have apologised. Just leave it now. Wait for her to come to you. You are entitled to feel hurt too.

trikonasanallama · 15/02/2026 12:00

"Cheeky"? Does sound infantalising, as does pulling a face, silent treatment etc - doesn't really sound like a functional relationship between two adults.

Original poster

Whatsername1 · 15/02/2026 13:54

5128gap · 15/02/2026 11:36

Without knowing the details of the 'bit of a fight' its impossible to say whether your mum is justifiably still very upset over some very hurtful things said, or unfairly sulking. If she is a sulker by nature, then wait it out and she'll come round. However if you think on reflection she has reason to be upset with you, then if it were me, I'd go round and try and make amends.

I honestly can't remember the details of it, in my mind it was all a bit tit for tat but I definitely don't think I was nice to pull her up for making a face. She said I take it you're going home, I think you should because you're being a cheeky bitch, this made me more annoyed and I said it's not me it's you, I think I said you always do things like this ie make faces and show disapproval, which isn't totally untrue but it doesn't normally bother me and I would still never mention it.she then said oh it's all coming out now, not everything is about you, etc. It honestly feels like we both just went off and I've no idea why because I never feel annoyed at her usually. I wish she had just said, did I make a face? I didn't mean to, but I think you're overreacting. And we could have moved on. We have never had a fall out like this and it just feels so strange and weird that it happened.

OP posts:

Seedlingsparrow · 15/02/2026 13:59

She called you a 'bitch'! How is she your favourite person? Do you have a partner? Imagine your MIL called you a bitch. Would you put up with it? Are you very co dependent ? A bit of space might do you both some good.

VexedofVirginiaWater · 15/02/2026 14:07

Yeah, using the term bitch does change things a bit for me, "cheeky bitch" is worse than just "cheeky" - unless you both usually refer to each other in this way.

You have apologised and explained, now it's up to her and I really feel you should leave her to think about it. She will surely want to see her grandchildren sooner rather than later.

MyNextDoorNeighbourVotesReform · 15/02/2026 14:09

Being as nice as I can, @Whatsername1, your Mum doesn't seem very nice generally, not just in this incident.

Do you think you're so used to her being manipulative and unpleasant, that you don't notice?

The fact that she is now using silence as a weapon is a massive red flag for me

Google covert/vulnerable narcissist and see what you think. Because THAT is what I think your Mum might be and you've been the golden child, in the family dynamic

Its a dynamic which often goes undetected but which is hugely damaging to the children when the parent is a narcissist and especially when the parent is a covert narc as they are very manipulative

Imo your Mum, actually, isn't a nice person

RaisedBar · 15/02/2026 14:11

I suspect your mum has more unhealthy ‘power’ over you than you realise. This is one of the first times you have challenged her, and her true behaviour has emerged. You don’t deserve this treatment. She will punish you by silence and then you will go back to pleasing her as normal.

QuietLifeNoDrama · 15/02/2026 14:13

OP I don’t think your relationship with your mother is as solid as you think. If you questioned whether she pulled your face and that escalated to her calling you a cheeky bitch and asking you to leave, it doesn’t sound great. Have a think over your relationship. Do you get on so well because you never disagree with her? Or if you have disagreed in the past how has she reacted?

TalulahJP · 15/02/2026 14:28

so you asked her why she made a face and she said because you were nasty and cheeky.

im thinking there is a mahoosive chunk of the story missing here.

Dinnaeeatallthecheese · 15/02/2026 14:31

MyNextDoorNeighbourVotesReform · 15/02/2026 14:09

Being as nice as I can, @Whatsername1, your Mum doesn't seem very nice generally, not just in this incident.

Do you think you're so used to her being manipulative and unpleasant, that you don't notice?

The fact that she is now using silence as a weapon is a massive red flag for me

Google covert/vulnerable narcissist and see what you think. Because THAT is what I think your Mum might be and you've been the golden child, in the family dynamic

Its a dynamic which often goes undetected but which is hugely damaging to the children when the parent is a narcissist and especially when the parent is a covert narc as they are very manipulative

Imo your Mum, actually, isn't a nice person

Spot on!

@Whatsername1
One of the first times you have challenged your DM and instead of discussing, taking responsibility for her part( as you have done) and repairing she has called you a cheeky bitch and is giving you the silent treatment?

Absolutely classic Emotionally Immature/ Toxic parent