Page 5 | To be so upset that I have fallen out with my mum?

Whatsername1 · 2026-02-15T11:03:12+00:00

My mum and I have always been very close. I talk to her all the time, ask her advice, spend time together, she is also very involved in my DC life. The other day my DC had a fall outside, after my mum saying they should be careful. I picked DC up and gave them a hug and said let's be more careful now. I am sure my mum made a face like a raised eye brow as if, I already told you so. I don't know why but I just felt so mad and asked why did she make a face at me? I didn't intend for DC to get hurt. She got really defensive and said she didn't, but that I was being very nasty and cheeky and that I should just go home. We had a bit of a fight about it and it turned very cold. We never fall out. She is my favourite person bar my DC and I hate to think I have hurt her feelings. I text her to apologize and say I must have got it wrong and I'm sorry I thought she made a face at me. I got a thumbs up in reply. I've offered to take her out tomorrow and sent pictures today of DC but no reply. Have I really been horrible and how do I fix it? I feel so awful that I snapped at her, I was out of line but I really felt she was judging me for my DC getting hurt.

IzzyBuzzy · 16/02/2026 10:41

Dear OP, I think many people on this thread have had not so good experiences with their mums as you have - and they give advice based on their experience. But I do believe you could really have an amazing mum and such a relationship is to cherish. But people are never perfect and sometimes we all can overreact, get hurt, act immaturely etc. No mother is ever going to be the perfect mother and all human relationships sometimes need work. It’s part of being human and nobody is perfect. I am sure you and your mum will get through this - just leave it some time - I am sure that in a couple of weeks time this will not matter anymore for you both.

CelticSilver · 16/02/2026 10:50

Time to cut the cord, OP. You're the mother in this situation.

trikonasanallama · 16/02/2026 10:54

Whatsername1 · 16/02/2026 10:34

And no I'm definitely not young. I should be able to stand on my own 2 feet better than I do. I have been in therapy for a long time to try and understand my low self esteem. I feel so distraught that I've hurt her.

Edited

I very much doubt that you have actually hurt her. It is not hurtful to be asked if you had pulled a face - particularly as it sounds like she did.
She isn't hurt, she's punishing you for stepping out of line, and you have nothing to apologise for.

RaisedBar · 16/02/2026 10:57

Whatsername1 · 16/02/2026 10:34

And no I'm definitely not young. I should be able to stand on my own 2 feet better than I do. I have been in therapy for a long time to try and understand my low self esteem. I feel so distraught that I've hurt her.

Edited

Do you genuinely think her reaction is proportionate to your ‘crime’?

Do you struggle to criticise your mum? And if so, why?

Smoosha · 16/02/2026 10:57

Whatsername1 · 16/02/2026 10:33

Yeah we're Glaswegian. The phrase didn't really bother me TBH it was more the fact she thought I was cheeky at all.

Yeah I totally get that. I really only mentioned it due to the amount of responses sounding absolutely horrified at being called a bitch in any way whatsoever. You’ll get a lot of English people saying you should cut her off for her calling you a bitch etc. Without really understanding that the wording “cheeky bitch” isn’t as awful as it sounds to English ears. I think people responding would reply better if they just responded to being called cheeky rather than bitch part. If that makes sense!

andthat · 16/02/2026 11:02

Whatsername1 · 16/02/2026 10:34

And no I'm definitely not young. I should be able to stand on my own 2 feet better than I do. I have been in therapy for a long time to try and understand my low self esteem. I feel so distraught that I've hurt her.

Edited

Come on @Whatsername1. I know you’re upset but your coming off as a bit of a pushover here…

Billybagpuss · 16/02/2026 11:03

Whatsername1 · 16/02/2026 09:24

I asked her this morning why she isn't speaking to me, she said she doesn't have much to say and is hurt. I apologized again, said that I reacted badly because my DC was hurt and I obviously got it wrong and imagined she made a face at me, and that I wish she would just say that to me when I tried to make amends instead of ignoring me. She said she is hurt because I have no reason to think she would do that and that she has told me only recently that she thinks I'm a great mum to my DC. I've really upset her and have done what I can to apologize so I'll need to just ride it out and hope she comes round but she has every right to be hurt I think. I don't agree at all that she is narcissistic or manipulative. I was in the wrong. I just wanted advice how to make amends but I'm going to have to accept that I messed up and hope she is ok. Thanks for all comments ❤️

Honestly I’m sure this will sort itself out but at the moment she’s being a cow and holding onto this like this is horrible. I’d just send a brief answer DO NOT apologise again

’ok mum I love you, I have apologised there is nothing else I can do, you know where I am when you’ve got over this’.

andthat · 16/02/2026 11:03

IzzyBuzzy · 16/02/2026 10:41

Dear OP, I think many people on this thread have had not so good experiences with their mums as you have - and they give advice based on their experience. But I do believe you could really have an amazing mum and such a relationship is to cherish. But people are never perfect and sometimes we all can overreact, get hurt, act immaturely etc. No mother is ever going to be the perfect mother and all human relationships sometimes need work. It’s part of being human and nobody is perfect. I am sure you and your mum will get through this - just leave it some time - I am sure that in a couple of weeks time this will not matter anymore for you both.

Maybe. But the @Whatsername1 is tying herself up in knots about how to repair the situation… whilst her mum is giving her the cold shoulder. That’s not a healthy dynamic at all.

JayJayj · 16/02/2026 11:16

IzzyBuzzy · 16/02/2026 10:41

Dear OP, I think many people on this thread have had not so good experiences with their mums as you have - and they give advice based on their experience. But I do believe you could really have an amazing mum and such a relationship is to cherish. But people are never perfect and sometimes we all can overreact, get hurt, act immaturely etc. No mother is ever going to be the perfect mother and all human relationships sometimes need work. It’s part of being human and nobody is perfect. I am sure you and your mum will get through this - just leave it some time - I am sure that in a couple of weeks time this will not matter anymore for you both.

Maybe some are. I myself have an amazing healthy relationship with my mum and sisters. We close and talk about everything. We also bicker sometimes. My mum has never weaponised silent treatment and acting a victim over anything.

IzzyBuzzy · 16/02/2026 11:37

JayJayj · 16/02/2026 11:16

Maybe some are. I myself have an amazing healthy relationship with my mum and sisters. We close and talk about everything. We also bicker sometimes. My mum has never weaponised silent treatment and acting a victim over anything.

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That is great, and you are very lucky, but my point is that even good people and mums can sometimes make mistakes and say do silent treatment, for example, because they can become overly sensitive or overreact, maybe they are feeling worn out or going through a lot. My mum has been a very good mum but she is not perfect - she has sometimes acted toxic, she has her insecurities and we have fought and made up several times. It doesn’t mean I am going to say: we have an unhealthy dynamic. She would do anything for me and I would do anything for her, if any of us were experiencing hardship etc. My point is that I think about it then no dynamic is ever 100% healthy unless you want to avoid close relationships all together (with very rare exceptions of very balanced and emotional healthy people). We all can sometimes act toxic. I think the main thing is the overall theme of the relationship, what it’s like the majority of time and can you talk things through and get over arguments over time. OP feels happy having a close relationship with her mum. I don’t think it’s fair to project other people’s not so good relationships on this one.

JayJayj · 16/02/2026 11:39

IzzyBuzzy · 16/02/2026 11:37

That is great, and you are very lucky, but my point is that even good people and mums can sometimes make mistakes and say do silent treatment, for example, because they can become overly sensitive or overreact, maybe they are feeling worn out or going through a lot. My mum has been a very good mum but she is not perfect - she has sometimes acted toxic, she has her insecurities and we have fought and made up several times. It doesn’t mean I am going to say: we have an unhealthy dynamic. She would do anything for me and I would do anything for her, if any of us were experiencing hardship etc. My point is that I think about it then no dynamic is ever 100% healthy unless you want to avoid close relationships all together (with very rare exceptions of very balanced and emotional healthy people). We all can sometimes act toxic. I think the main thing is the overall theme of the relationship, what it’s like the majority of time and can you talk things through and get over arguments over time. OP feels happy having a close relationship with her mum. I don’t think it’s fair to project other people’s not so good relationships on this one.

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Except it’s very easy to see how bad the relationship actually is. The fact that OP is so distraught over such a small thing is very telling.

pikkumyy77 · 16/02/2026 11:50

Whatsername1 · 15/02/2026 15:50

Just trying to reply to many comments in one go. I've never really felt the need to challenge or disagree with her before. I think that is a major problem I have in myself. I don't know what I'm good at or what I should be doing a lot of the time so I tend to seek guidance from others, particularly my mum. She has helped me through some really tough times so I'm not sure I agree with all the comments but possibly you could be right and I'm in denial. I feel so sad that I've hurt her feelings but I really didn't expect it to go this way. I'm 99% sure she pulled a face but there is the 1% I am wrong. I have apologized and feel like I need to send another text to say sorry again just so she'll talk to me or address it?

You are an adult woman and a mother—why do you think you are still so insecure? Her job as your mother was to help you learn to trust yourself. She didn’t do that si you are i erly reliant on her.

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 13:03

Smoosha · 16/02/2026 10:57

Yeah I totally get that. I really only mentioned it due to the amount of responses sounding absolutely horrified at being called a bitch in any way whatsoever. You’ll get a lot of English people saying you should cut her off for her calling you a bitch etc. Without really understanding that the wording “cheeky bitch” isn’t as awful as it sounds to English ears. I think people responding would reply better if they just responded to being called cheeky rather than bitch part. If that makes sense!

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Without really understanding that the wording “cheeky bitch” isn’t as awful as it sounds to English ears.

This isn’t necessarily true.

I am Glasweigan and my mother, for all her faults, would never call me a bitch. Using this kind of language towards each other was not permitted in our household.

Sure, I suppose it can be used in jest, but if you are engaging in an argument with someone, telling them to leave your home and calling them a “bitch”, then it is as bad as it sounds. Wherever you are from in the UK.

Unfortunately, Glasgow is absolutely rife with this kind of thing. People think it’s absolutely fine to use this kind of language (and much worse) towards each other. Completely unacceptable behaviour is normalised, not addressed and swept under the rug.

I wasn’t surprised to learn the OP is Glasweigan at all.

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 13:13

IzzyBuzzy · 16/02/2026 11:37

That is great, and you are very lucky, but my point is that even good people and mums can sometimes make mistakes and say do silent treatment, for example, because they can become overly sensitive or overreact, maybe they are feeling worn out or going through a lot. My mum has been a very good mum but she is not perfect - she has sometimes acted toxic, she has her insecurities and we have fought and made up several times. It doesn’t mean I am going to say: we have an unhealthy dynamic. She would do anything for me and I would do anything for her, if any of us were experiencing hardship etc. My point is that I think about it then no dynamic is ever 100% healthy unless you want to avoid close relationships all together (with very rare exceptions of very balanced and emotional healthy people). We all can sometimes act toxic. I think the main thing is the overall theme of the relationship, what it’s like the majority of time and can you talk things through and get over arguments over time. OP feels happy having a close relationship with her mum. I don’t think it’s fair to project other people’s not so good relationships on this one.

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I don’t think it’s fair to project other people’s not so good relationships on this one.

Have you read the OP’s posts?

Her extreme reaction to her mother’s silent treatment, together with her low self esteem and people pleasing behaviour, is very much an indicator of trauma and past/present emotional abuse.

Can we please stop normalising abuse that is perpetrated by people’s mothers? There would be no hesitation in naming it and calling it out if it were the husband/male partner engaging in the same behaviours.

The OP doesn’t even recognise this as abuse and it makes me so sad to know that this dynamic will therefore probably be passed onto her child and any further children she has.

It’s tragic.

Smoosha · 16/02/2026 13:23

Vivi0 · 16/02/2026 13:03

Without really understanding that the wording “cheeky bitch” isn’t as awful as it sounds to English ears.

This isn’t necessarily true.

I am Glasweigan and my mother, for all her faults, would never call me a bitch. Using this kind of language towards each other was not permitted in our household.

Sure, I suppose it can be used in jest, but if you are engaging in an argument with someone, telling them to leave your home and calling them a “bitch”, then it is as bad as it sounds. Wherever you are from in the UK.

Unfortunately, Glasgow is absolutely rife with this kind of thing. People think it’s absolutely fine to use this kind of language (and much worse) towards each other. Completely unacceptable behaviour is normalised, not addressed and swept under the rug.

I wasn’t surprised to learn the OP is Glasweigan at all.

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Yes this is true i get what you’re saying. My own mother would only ever have called me a cheeky bitch in jest or mildly serious. Never if she was actually really annoyed at me. And she would never call me “bitch” by itself. It would always follow cheeky or similar.

I have an aunt who I don’t think has ever sworn in her life. But she will use cheeky bitch in jest. So yes it’s really about tone is all I meant. Although I can understand why some don’t agree with it at all.

CatchTheWind1920 · 17/02/2026 10:51

Op, get some therapy. You are so used to your mum's vile ways, you are unable to see her for what she really is. This is not normal behaviour from a mother. Bloody hell. What you did wasn't even bad? A moment of tension, I've had loads of them with my mum. We just get it over and move on. No one ignores anyone or makes them suffer for days.

Mykneesareshot · 17/02/2026 10:52

My mum and I didn't talk for five years. We made up, you will be fine, space can be a good thing.

Inforgotten · 17/02/2026 14:16

andthat · 16/02/2026 11:03

Maybe. But the @Whatsername1 is tying herself up in knots about how to repair the situation… whilst her mum is giving her the cold shoulder. That’s not a healthy dynamic at all.

Edited

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I don’t think that it’s necessarily the mums actions that are the worry here. Playing the victim and silent treatment are always toxic but anyone can make a mistake.

But

The OPs reaction is very concerning. Why is she so distressed at the idea of upsetting her DM with some quite innocuous actions. That’s worrying and indicative of a very poor dynamic

noidea69 · 17/02/2026 14:18

You both sound like drama queens.

Sundriessundries · 17/02/2026 14:21

I think you probably went off on one because you felt judged to have failed your child - we all feel bad when kids get hurt (even though accidents happen.)
I would call or text her again and say how bad you’re feeling and I hope we can get past this because you hate to fall out.

Billybagpuss · 17/02/2026 15:15

How’s it going @Whatsername1 has she been in touch yet.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 17/02/2026 15:46

She is exerting power and control over you so you don't dare question her again.

I'm very close to my daughters, we very seldom argue. When we do, it seldom lasts more than a day and we are all very willing to admit our part in the problem, forgive the other one if necessary and move on. I can't imagine withholding love and contact from them over something so trivial as them being annoyed by my expression.

Don't apologise to your mum again. You've done it twice very sincerely. Let her come to you this time.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/02/2026 20:42

OP
Your mum pulled a face at you
You asked why she pulled a face
She then denied that she pulled a face (100% you will not have imagined this), swore at you, shouted, has ignored you and is now not accepting an apology because she is so 'hurt'
You are expected to apologise even though all you did was ask why she was pulling a face
Neither of you seem to expect her to apologise for the hurtful things that she did and you're not allowed to be hurt
You are in absolute bits over someone having a random strop

Can you see how one sided ans not normal this all is? What would you do it it was two friends who'd had this exact argument? There is something deeply wrong with this relationship, please listen to all the previous posters

NewZebra · 19/02/2026 00:05

Op your mum isn’t very nice.

Ferrissia3 · 19/02/2026 02:12

Did you lie about what happened when you made this post?

If the answer is no, then you might want to reflect on the overwhelming majority of people saying that your mother treated you badly, based on the factual information you provided (not nuance, or background etc - just facts).