Wedding invite says “your presence is present enough” but also “we will have a wishing well”

[Sweetunicorn1]

What do you think, my sisters wedding invite says your presence is present enough to us but also if you want to make a contribution there will be a wishing well. Personally, I hate the wishing well thing and don’t think you should put you hand out for people to ‘contribute’ to your wedding. People who want to give you a cash gift (like grandparents and parents) will do so without a wishing well. Also, I just think it seems disingenuous to say “your presence is present enough” but then in the next breath that there’s a wishing well. Pick a lane.

And this is one of the reasons I didn't want a wedding. Couldn't be arsed with all the kerfuffle over gifts/no gifts and the obvious judgement that would come no matter what we did!

People happy to give cash will be giving cash anyway; people who want to give a gift will
be offended and may still just give the gift. Classy thing is not to mention anything.

Presence over presents plus a ‘wishing well’ are both trying to give an impression of being ever so charitable while really just saying we want cash

An acquaintance once had a party and the invitations said ‘presents in the form of cash or vouchers appreciated’ - at least she just came out and said it!

We said ‘no gifts’ on our wedding invitations but I don’t think a single person came empty handed. The cash was definitely more appreciated than the Union Jack teapot and tea towel.

You can, you are giving people permission to not give you anything but if they want to then they can. Sounds perfect to me. No trying to come up with the perfect present, or trying to find the cheapest thing on the wedding list that you can actually afford.

Now if they complain after that you didn't contribute to the wishing well, now that's wrong.

This is simple and no big deal! In the old days people were setting up home, needing sheets, plates, kettles, etc. Now people don't need anything, on the whole, but any financial contributions wouldn't go a miss, though not expected. We asked for Honeymoon contributions, for example.

Because its saying that if you don't want to/ can't provide anything they are not expecting it, but they know some people will want to provide a gift and this is what they have done to organise for that.

Just saying 'we'll have a wising well' comes across as 'bring a gift' and is rude and entitled.

Because that sounds really crass? By just having a well you can chuck in or not, no one is going to know who did or didn't.

In lots of cultures giving cash to a newly wedded couple is the done thing and some even have a dedicated dance to it. Makes much more sense than guess what they want. Also weddings are expensive I'd much rather contribute to that or a honeymoon than some toaster or something they have loads of.

You sound really bitter. Just don't put any cash in or show up if you're bringing that energy

If you’re being that picky then don’t invite them at all ( or in your case don’t go)

Why are you so grumpy?

if you don’t want to do this at your wedding then don’t.

we asked for cash for our honeymoon and had over £3k.

we paid for the wedding alone.

Yes, asking for something on the invitation is awful. Wouldn't have happened in my day! Makes it sound like an excuse for presents and the actual marriage is second.

Surely they are saying just bring yourself no need for a gift but if you really want to gift them we'd prefer cash. My nephew got a lot of cash and he bought a new central heating system. Much better than many small gifts.

It's just the type of messaged used now. Presents not expected but for those who want to a monetary gift welcome. Life has changed from getting married younger and couples needing house stuff, so an easier way to do it. Xx

Aside from the naff wording I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this really. Its a practical solution which stops them from receiving huge amounts of duplicative tat.

I couldn’t get past the “wishing well” though. Cringe.

Yes, it's an unpopular view, but I also think mentioning gifts on an invitation is crass. You just suck it up and if Aunt Wendy gets you a doll thing with a long skirt to cover your toilet rolls, then that's what she gets you.

It's fine to have a registry you can direct people to if they ask. IF THEY ASK that is ...

Fgs it’s your sister. Just give a few quid and forget about it don’t overthink it

It's disingenuous to tell people you don't want gifts, then encourage them to donate cash

"We have everything we need but please feel free to donate to charity instead of a gift" works well

Surely this makes sense. People who genuinely want to give them something can, and people who don't or cant afford it dont have to without the shame of it standing out.

We gave our godson a night stargazing in the Moroccan Atlas mountains. It was all agreed with both husband and wife. Unfortunately the weather did not oblige, which makes it difficult. Does one repeat the gift?

The last two wedding invites we’ve had are similar with your presence is present enough but here’s a link to give us money for our honeymoon. I bought both an experience voucher for a nice dinner for two.

No it isn't. It's acknowledging that despite you genuinely being happy with no gifts lots of people really want to get you something so you are making it as easy as possible for them to do that if they want to.

We did that and added the third option of our charity collection page. It was a pretty even split in the end of the money that was given to the charity page and in John Lewis vouchers because people really do like buying you stuff.

Their just trying to come across as smart and original by putting your presence is present enough. Why not just say dont feel obliged to give a gift it will just be nice to have you join us on our happy day.

Not sure if this is common for others, but in our culture it's very acceptable to write "enveloped gifts only please" at the bottom of the invitation and noone bats an eyelid.

Hardly smart or original: its on pretty much every wedding invitation ever…

Seems entirely reasonable to me. If you want to give something, you can. If you don't want to, that's also fine. I honestly can't see what's wrong with that!

😻