Discovered DP has knickers. Should I be worried?

[NickyKat]

So today, Valentine's Day of all days, I discovered that DP of 6 years has a collection of knickers in his boxers drawer. He has about 12 pairs - mostly hipsters, boyshorts and briefs. I brought it up with him and he seemed embarrassed and said he likes the feel of the material more than men's cotton boxers.

I had another look later on when he was getting ready for our meal out and they're all 14-16 which seems about his size. But I've also never washed them and still wash multiple boxers every week.

I've never come across this with any of my previous partners and my mind is racing. We had a lovely meal out but it was clear he didn't want to talk about it.

I don't think they're another woman's because why would he have so many if they'd been left after a sneaky visit while I was away?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is not normal? Is it a red flag? I have so many questions but he's not telling me anything other than they're his and he likes wearing them.

Tell him tight underwear might impact his fertility. Keeping testicles too warm can have that effect, as can riding a bike. ( I understand you might not be planning on have kids, I'd just like to see his reaction).

How do you know? We all have different likes and dislikes?! People vary massively in all areas of life. Food, music, touch, smells, busy environments…. Just because you find something uncomfortable shouldn’t mean that someone else can’t possibly have a preference for it. I have a massive aversion to a certain fabric, it makes my skin crawl and sometimes I want to be sick. Other people love it and wear it regularly.

I’m not denying it could also be a kink and for the record I don’t have an aversion to that either. Only OP can decide if she can live it with it but first that starts with an honest conversation. I wouldn’t judge her for leaving, it’s absolutely fine. I just feel like there’s a reason that suicide is the primary cause of death for men under 50 and rigid attitudes about ‘men being men’ are a primary cause. If it’s not actually hurting anyone I couldn’t give a shit what other people do in their private lives.

I don't think the knickers would bother me but his unwillingness to discuss it would. Having said that, most of the people on this thread seem ready to break up a marriage due to the knickers, so that probably justifies his shyness

There are far far worse things you could have discovered @NickyKat as the endless threads on here will confirm.

You can see by the reaction of some pp why if he is being truthful now that he would want to keep to a secret.

The issue is this his only “thing” and you can you move past it.? If the answer is yes and If he genuinely likes the feel of the material then in this modern world a quick google will come up with endless possibilities of men’s silk, satin and less traditionally masculine underwear.

Your partner is going to need to have a conversation with you regarding this, if he wants your relationship to survive. It's that simple. He can't expect you to accept a collection of women's knickers in his underwear drawer, with little to no conversation about it!!

It might be that he does like the feel of the material, but I suspect it's a bit more than just liking the feel of the material. I'm sure finding silk boxers for men isn't completely impossible, so therefore it's the fact it's women's underwear as well as the feel.

Of course you have questions, a million of them, I should think! That's not unreasonable. He is being unreasonable for not discussing the situation with you.

Perhaps he likes wearing women's underwear only, but equally you don't know if he has a stash of women's clothing hidden somewhere and has a secret female persona too.

It's most certainly sexual. Perhaps he likes wearing them during 'solo time' or using them to ejaculate into.

In your shoes, I couldn't continue in a relationship with someone who refuses to discuss the situation. I'd need answers to all the questions that I had. If he refused to do that, then I'd walk away....not because of the underwear but due to the fact he won't be honest. Once there had been a honest conversation, no I couldn't guarantee him that I still wouldn't walk away (and likely would). However, you deserve to be given the truth, so you have the facts to make a choice. By refusing to discuss it further, he's not giving you the chance to make an informed decision. I'd also be questioning what else is he hiding....?

There are indeed magnetic underpants. The magnets are some kind of therapy promoting vitality Fabric is some Spandex/stretchy stuff. No bows tho

My husband doesn't like the flappy feeling of boxers so he wears men's fitted briefs. He likes the gathered and held aspect. Any clothes shops that sell men's underwear will have a huge variety of options to suit all needs and sizes. There is never a need for a man to wear women's underwear because he can't find something supportive in the mens section. Also, as you said yourself, he has boxers in his drawer and had been wearing them because his pile of clean ones was getting low. How are boxers okay one day and so bad the next that he's wearing women's pants with bows on ?

Nice misogynistic language there.

It's perfectly fine for men to have a kink wearing female underwear. But it's perfectly fine to be repulsed of it when it's your partner as well. I mean I would be very tolerant if a male friend told me this but at the same token it would be a permanent turn off if my partner wore them. Especially since I'm a comfortable cotton knickers kind of girl😅

His hard drive needs to be checked.

And again with the misogyny.

"Calm down ladies, you're overreacting because your lady parts are making you irrational."

Ugh. No. That would be a deal breaker for me.

Fuck yeah I’d be worried. I expect my DH it be a man and recoil at the idea of wearing women’s knickers. It’s the start of something else OP, he isn’t going to back track.

A lot of women’s underwear is actually very uncomfortable as they’re often designed to be sexy and look nice rather than be functional. I’m at the point where I only like cotton full briefs or high legs. I can’t understand why a man with a penis would want to wear them, you would be re- andjusting all day.

It totally depends on whether it's a complete turn-off for you as it clearly is for some PPs. It wouldn't necessarily be a turn-off for me but I've been attracted to women as well as men so a man being a bit "feminine" wouldn't put me off at all.

It could well be a kink, I don't agree with the idea that people have to share their innermost thoughts with their partner, I don't share everything with mine and there are certain things that I will never tell anyone. I suppose he has run the risk here by actually buying them and not just keeping it as a thought, in which case he does owe you some answers.

He’s pretty much a public fetishist - please click through the relevant links & have a read

https://www.spiked-online.com/2024/01/03/grayson-perry-when-crossdressing-crosses-the-line/

Men’s underwear comes in all sorts of shapes and fabrics.

Your husband is wearing women’s underwear due to autogynephilia. He could solve his desire for texture by wearing men’s clothes.

Only women’s clothes will do for him. Read up on trans widows boards. This is how it starts.

Absolutely, I'm still on the hunt for comfortable women's underwear and I'm a woman. The crutch is just not big enough to accommodate the male anatomy properly.

I might be okay with a DH who wore women’s underwear regularly on the basis it was just comfier (I often wear men’s underwear for this reason). But if he’s embarrassed, wears boxers most of the time, doesn’t put his knickers in the normal wash… it feels a bit kinky and sexual and that wouldn’t be okay with me.

Yes, I think in the olden days (like 10 years ago), he would have been correctly flagged as a perv. Not ‘cool and masculine’.

Needs honest open discussion

Nope no misogyny, just plain calm common sense which is often in short supply on here.

Where's the OP

Each to their own, but I wouldn’t know whether to laugh or cry if a partner wore these.
Either way my fanny would be clamped shut within a nano second.

Can we please not refer to the man who wore a strap on dildo to a children's cancer benefit as 'cool and masculine' thanks. 🫠

I thought the GC position was that people should be able to wear what they like but it didn't mean you've changed sex?

Position here seems to be "if you wear anything traditionally worn by the opposite sex you're a disgusting pervert".