Discovered DP has knickers. Should I be worried?

[NickyKat]

So today, Valentine's Day of all days, I discovered that DP of 6 years has a collection of knickers in his boxers drawer. He has about 12 pairs - mostly hipsters, boyshorts and briefs. I brought it up with him and he seemed embarrassed and said he likes the feel of the material more than men's cotton boxers.

I had another look later on when he was getting ready for our meal out and they're all 14-16 which seems about his size. But I've also never washed them and still wash multiple boxers every week.

I've never come across this with any of my previous partners and my mind is racing. We had a lovely meal out but it was clear he didn't want to talk about it.

I don't think they're another woman's because why would he have so many if they'd been left after a sneaky visit while I was away?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is not normal? Is it a red flag? I have so many questions but he's not telling me anything other than they're his and he likes wearing them.

You have absolutely no idea if that is true.

As for the disingenuous question (1) no I've never worn a partner's boxers because they wouldn't fit or be comfortable and (2) never worn his shirt as a dressing gown but that's a completely different scenario as you very well know.

He gets a bit of a kick from it. So what?
Doesn't make him trans ffs.
And no, I've no idea if 98% is true. I said it's a guess. But I won't be far off the truth.

Why on earth are you mentioning trans in your reply to me? I haven't said anything about the boyfriend being trans.

Your "statistic" is made up garbage.

Lots of others before your post have mentioned trans - so no, sorry, it wasn't your post in particular, but many before you on this thread. I'm just amazed by all the OTT responses! Most men will have tried their partner's knickers on at some point. It really isn't that unusual.

Again you have absolutely no way of knowing that. It's deeply creepy and disrespectful behaviour.

I'm surprised so many people are assuming it's more than he's saying. It could be of course, but I don't think what he described is even very unusual. I remember reading an interview with a decidedly heterosexual pop star years ago saying something similar.
I find boxers more comfy than knickers in really hot weather. If I felt a bit sexy in them I think my husband would just smile.
They're not "women's". They're his because he bought them.

You're right. I have absolutely no way of knowing that. I've said, a couple of times, it's a guess. But it's an educated guess, not a wild one. And your "creepy and disrespectful" is my "really not at all unusual". We'll have to just respectfully disagree on that one.

the puzzlement of humans,

personally ive dabbled with the idea and with a partner worn womens panties, it was basically something kinky and shared between us as they were hers that she let me wear during some of our sessons, then the novelty faded for me, and i went back to normal boxers, personally each to their own overall

"Most men will have tried their partners knickers on" 🤔 🤦🏻‍♀️

my h couldn't get his arm into the leg of mine

No. Never
and a shirt would not be the same anyway.

See ya. No thanks.

The trouble with fetish is that they dont ask your opinion over whether its ok they just do it whether you like it or not. It often gets out of hand. More and more risks taken. I despise the fetish personality in men. My marriage ended when it became a full time hobby for him and he started going out dressed up.
Someone I respected for years and visited often turned out to be one of these. I stayed over once when I was visiting and his spare room was full of really tarty prostitute type clothes. He said he was storing them for his ex girlfriend. I knew his ex girlfriend. She wouldnt be seen dead in clothes like this. Sure enough they turned out to be his.
I just couldnt respect him any more after that, our friendship withered on the tree.
People usually in that world say its harmless fun but it really isnt.
I infiltrated fet life to see what my husband was up to and I wish I hadnt. It was horrible.
I wont go into it but take my word fot it. Those people are not my people and that world is not my world.
They are marriage wreckers and consent is optional.

“What the effing hell is the difference?”

You’ve already answered that. The “illicit thrill”

I’m fed up of all these men on Mumsnet recently.

It used to be a place where women could all come to discuss the female experience away from men thinking they know about it better than us.

Some of them try to act reasonably for a while on other threads, but the mask always slips, like it has for some on this thread. I enjoy when they show who they really are, because lots of us knew all along.

It’s so true! They come on to explain to women that “it’s not all men” while confirming that it is definitely MOST

It's a figure plucked from the air to suit your own creepy behaviour.

Even if you can't see how creepy it is, it is disrespectful to use clothes belonging to another person without their permission.

Seven things I have learnt while trying to process all this:

1. Credit where it due: his cock and balls do fit in his chosen knickers without spilling out the sides.
2. He has 4 or 5 pairs from 'Pour Moi' and the rest are supermarket. Pour Moi seems to be his go to - very pretty/feminine with the little bows and lace trims etc.
3. My knickers (size 18) are too big for him and don't provide support. He 'didn't know this before' but does now because I made him put thm on to see if he'd worn mine. Says he hasn't...
4. When I moved in with him, that's when he started liking the feel of them as he was handling more with washing and laundry. Seems convenient.
5. He didn't get hard when he put them on for me. I don't know if this means anything, but he says it's proof it's not sexual for him.
6. I don't think it's for me. But I also don't want to just throw away 6 years because of some knickers/kink. We still need time to work out what happens going forward and how to rebuild trust.
7. One bottle of wine was not enough last night...

Well we've worn each others boxers/knickers at different times so I guess from that. Although it's certainly not frequently. We were away once for a long weekend but he'd not brought enough - I always bring extra (especially when I'm due on) and threw him a pair of mine to put on.

You said the above in an earlier post which contradicts point 3 of your latest post.

Kudos to you for being so openminded. My fanny would clam shut forever if I saw dh in knickers🤣

I really don't see the problem! I have worn men's underpants (usually when my undies were in the wash and I was in a hurry). I have also worn no underwear (not advisable in this weather). Neither experience had anything to do with sexual gratification.

Yet, if this is a sensory thing or a fetish. is it really an issue? Some underwear is really sensual. It is designed to be. If your partner is turned on by wearing women's underwear, it does not mean he is trans, gay or kinky (well, perhaps a little but kinky, but we need a few kinks). If, however, the knicker-wearing is part of deeper and more complex issues related to identity and sexuality, these need to be talked about. Not because these issues are 'problems' but rather, because suppression and secrecy can be problematic in a relationship.

I didn't say anything about my own behaviour. I'm single, bisexual and very open-mimded/experimental, so I'm not the straight guy trying on his wife's knickers
I'm just saying it's much more common than you (clearly) think.

Unless you chat about it with your male friends you have no idea if it's true. And chatting about illictly wearing female partners' underwear is creepy too.

🤣 🤣 Tell you what, I'll conduct an academic survey, have it peer reviewed, and report back in about 18 months.