Discovered DP has knickers. Should I be worried?

[NickyKat]

So today, Valentine's Day of all days, I discovered that DP of 6 years has a collection of knickers in his boxers drawer. He has about 12 pairs - mostly hipsters, boyshorts and briefs. I brought it up with him and he seemed embarrassed and said he likes the feel of the material more than men's cotton boxers.

I had another look later on when he was getting ready for our meal out and they're all 14-16 which seems about his size. But I've also never washed them and still wash multiple boxers every week.

I've never come across this with any of my previous partners and my mind is racing. We had a lovely meal out but it was clear he didn't want to talk about it.

I don't think they're another woman's because why would he have so many if they'd been left after a sneaky visit while I was away?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is not normal? Is it a red flag? I have so many questions but he's not telling me anything other than they're his and he likes wearing them.

Exactly. This is very likely what his plan was - which is why he 'hid' 16 pairs of knickers in an easy to find drawer

Cross-dressing and AGP can be two different things.

The man wearing women's underwear is a fetish. What that fetish is is up for debate.

It may be part of a humiliation fetish, a transgressive fetish or some emasculation fetish. Not necessarily a desire to be female. But it could also be AGP.

More questions need to be asked.

Every time he's talked about it, the dial has shifted, and only in the direction towards hypersexuality.

Textbook AGP

I mean it depends on if you’re ok with him cross dressing for kicks. I would be turned off by it and creeped out by the secret.

He doesn't know if he wants to have sex when wearing knickers" - I asked him directly and his reply was he didn't know. It simply hasn't crossed his mind until I asked about it.

Really?

"He feels sexy without it necessarily being sexual" - I often go out to parties and events wearing a sexy dress. It makes me feel sexy. It does not mean that I want to have sex - i.e. sexy and sexual are two different things

They’re different words with different interpretations, yes. By sexy, you mean attractive, but how can it not have sexual connotations? It doesn’t mean in a friendly, platonic way. And going to a party isn’t the same as being in a sexual relationship with a partner.

He’s gaslighting you.

What if he wore tighter/form-fitting boxers made from lace, silk or satiny material?

Is it the material and/or the colour or is it that they are women's underwear?

I knew a guy who wore lacy women's underwear. It was the fact that it was women's wear, that he might be found out at work and that he felt humiliated by wearing them that he liked. It was absolutely a fetish.

But a man who likes a secure pair of underpants and wants a smooth feel rather than cotton, that feels different to me.

What people say
& what people do, are two completely different things! take a look @ royal family😂😂😂

Why should women be the only ones to enjoy these items of clothes? It can't be good for men's mental health to be excluded from the fun stuff and told they only like "meat and potatoes".

That's not what people are saying. He can wear what he likes BUT she also has the right to say that's a turn off for me.

Maybe it is more comfortable for him?

He also wears your underwear and wanks into them. Guaranteed.

If you have a daughter, keep an eye on her laundry too.

Your making excuses for it, he has a fetish and it will get worse. Please have a proper think about this..... don't be blinded by your love for him.

Women wear men’s boxers. I can see there’s more comfort in women’s knickers, they are usually softer, have a snug fit. I would suggest a trip to a larger shop that stock a variety of men’s underwear other than the usual boxers or trunks. I wouldn’t want my DH wearing pants/knickers with a bow on though.

That’s true but the issues is he has what iare regarded as feminine underwear and that is criticised .

Yes. Because of the fact he is likely to be AGP and all the risk that that brings in regard to heightened sexual aggression.

I'm not sure that the argument about a better fit of pant plays out really. Neither does the comfy fabric argument. Surely it's a kink which is fine if you're fine about it OP.

😂

I wear M&S full briefs. They keep your kidneys warm but I couldn’t fit a cock and balls in them.

But how did he find out that women’s knickers are comfortable?
Try all different men’s underwear and then think ‘ I know I’ll try the women’s ones?’ It’s bullshit.

“I think the problem is you women…”
🙄🙄
I have a myriad of pants, and like you, none of them would be comfortable if I had a cock and balls.

This thread is ridiculous, of course you don't break up a 6 year otherwise healthy relationship because your partner has a kink he's ashamed of!

And in terms of the slippery slope argument that he'll definitely be coming out as trans soon that's ridiculous too. My husband has put on a few pounds but I'm not going to break up with him because he may one day become a bed bound fatty!

If it turns you off, explain that and let him know you don't want to see it. If he can't live with keeping it secret anymore then maybe that's when you have an issue. If you are ok with it as you seem to be then job done, enjoy your life knowing you know your partner even better now.

‘The vast majority of lesbians are transitioning’?!?!

What an absolute load nonsense, wrong on so many levels!

I remember Mick Jagger back in the seventies saying he wore women’s knickers. I don’t think anyone would suggest he was trans.

But you can get make versions of all these. Hr man in question has stated it’s because they make him feel sexy, not that they are more comfortable

No but plenty of us would think he was a weird skinny creep .