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Original poster

Discovered DP has knickers. Should I be worried?

528 replies

NickyKat · 15/02/2026 02:17

So today, Valentine's Day of all days, I discovered that DP of 6 years has a collection of knickers in his boxers drawer. He has about 12 pairs - mostly hipsters, boyshorts and briefs. I brought it up with him and he seemed embarrassed and said he likes the feel of the material more than men's cotton boxers.

I had another look later on when he was getting ready for our meal out and they're all 14-16 which seems about his size. But I've also never washed them and still wash multiple boxers every week.

I've never come across this with any of my previous partners and my mind is racing. We had a lovely meal out but it was clear he didn't want to talk about it.

I don't think they're another woman's because why would he have so many if they'd been left after a sneaky visit while I was away?

Am I being unreasonable to think this is not normal? Is it a red flag? I have so many questions but he's not telling me anything other than they're his and he likes wearing them.

OP posts:
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AllFakeFurCoatAndNoSpanx · 15/02/2026 11:02

I found a stash of women's knickers in my ex's coat pockets. Turned out he was stealing them from the launderette and wanking over them. It's a v common fetish.

By no means the only reason we are no longer together but definitely a big reason! I didn't like the lying, the stealing and the general ickiness. I got some great advice on here at the time. Our mutual friends IRL told me I was stuck up prude. I am now very happy with a new partner who is not a pervert liar.

TheCriticalThinker · 15/02/2026 11:04

Wishthingswerenouting · 15/02/2026 10:57

first page replies are appalling. Would the collective feel the same if a woman was wearing boxers?

it’s up to you what you do OP but think hard about your reasons. This is either a non issue or the start of something else

How many women do you know who secretly wear boxers and, when caught, reveal that they feel sexy in them, might want to make love wearing them and are only not wearing other men's clothes publicly because they are worried about funny looks?

Charlize43 · 15/02/2026 11:04

Knickers today... Wonderbra tomorrow. When will this madness end!

Emma6cat · 15/02/2026 11:04

no sorry, as heart breaking as it is for you, the truth is he is a cross dresser, or has some kind of fetish, or both. its a shame if every other part of the relationship is perfect, but it will only get worse.... cut your losses.

Nanny0gg · 15/02/2026 11:05

HappyBunny38 · 15/02/2026 06:18

Grayson Perry's doc on masculinity might help to give a different perspective, he's an artist who likes to wear women's clothes sometimes but he also has a strong marriage with a woman and seems like a pretty cool and masculine guy otherwise.

Who likes wearing a dildo showing through his clothes at a children's charity event.

That perspective?

TheCriticalThinker · 15/02/2026 11:06

SaltPepperandTomato · 15/02/2026 11:01

He said it's mostly about how they feel and how they make him feel a bit sexy in himself.

He's actually admitting to you that it's a fetish. He's an AGP.

Now you know the truth about him, he will see any acceptance from you as the green light to go further.

If that's OK with you and you can face a possible future of calling your life-partner "Nancy" and fulfilling his fetishistic need for you to pretend he is a woman and you are a lesbian couple, go ahead and be happy.

If, on the other hand the prospect of such a future is unacceptable, run for the hills.

Don't expect him to change. The impulse to act out his fetish is strong. It is unlikely he will be able to give up his lady props easily.

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I feel sorry for the OP, she's extremely naive.

Most men in her husband's position, when caught, say they don't want it to go any further, as part of the confession. Then when they've got the acceptance, it goes much further

UncannyFanny · 15/02/2026 11:07

Soooooo….he feels ‘sexy’ when he wears them but he insists it’s nothing sexual? Not really making sense that one, is it? Why would he feel sexy if it wasn’t a sexual thing? As for not feeling like he lied, that’s just in his head. He lied by omission which is the opposite of being truthful. By not being honest from the start and giving you an fair opportunity to decide if you really wanted to be with a geezer who wears knickers, he’s lied by choosing not to tell you. He has also shown a lack of respect for you by not being honest. So he can feel like he hasn’t lied all he likes but he hasn’t told the truth. Which is the same thing as lying because he intentionally withheld the truth from you. I’m not going to say far worse could come of this as a kink, but he has shown that he is capable and prepared to deceive you and doesn’t see it as being dishonest. Think about that long and hard because this might not be the only thing he doesn’t think he is lying about by withholding from you.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 15/02/2026 11:08

Catza · 15/02/2026 11:01

Do you have a degree on psychiatry? Psychology?
Highly doubtful given your levels of reading comprehension and use of derogatory slang.

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Go on… 😂

flightyfighter · 15/02/2026 11:08

So, he doesn't want to wear women's clothes in public but I bet he wouldn't mind giving it a go at home. That's probably the next step now his secret is out. Fine if you're both OK with that in your relationship but apart from the shock of finding this out how do you feel about it, OP?

goldenappleofthesun · 15/02/2026 11:11

TheCriticalThinker · 15/02/2026 11:01

Now he's been caught he's told you:

  • He feels sexy wearing them
  • He might want to wear them when he has sex
  • The only reason he doesn't wear other women's clothing is because other people wouldn't like it

And you think he's being honest with you and that it might not be a sexual fetish?

You might need to wake up and smell the coffee.

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I agree. I am sorry OP but the fact he wants to wear them every day and the only thing stopping him wearing female clothes out and about is other people's reactions is concerning. Note he doesn't say he doesn't want to, he only says its other people's reactions that put him off.

Personally, I think this is a soft coming out on his part. I suspect in a year or two he will be wanting to dress as a woman every time you have sex and adopting a female persona.

AngelinaFibres · 15/02/2026 11:12

GreenGodiva · 15/02/2026 10:37

Men’s underwear is often much larger and more encompassing than women’s which are often not even designed for women’s comfort but rather for looks and sex appeal. Men’s underwear is more generous to allow for their more girthy genitals, with longer legs that don’t dig in, higher waist bands etc.

when I was pregnant I lived in my DHs boxers from about 5 months as I couldn’t get a single pair of knickers to stay up and not roll down catching my pubes . Are you honestly suggesting that women are acting on a fetish by choosing the comfort and practicality that men are afforded ( and we are often denied)…..

……. but a man trying to squeeze his meat and potatoes into a the very same torturous tiny lacy number we hate, is also for comfort? Where do you think a penis and testicles GOES in a pair of women’s knickers? There is no pouch, no support. It would look like netted up pork shoulder that had burst its bags. Where exactly is the comfort? Make it make sense 😂🤷🏼‍♀️. But you can’t because it’s not about comfort. Its a sexual fetish.

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Exactly. Also a lot of women's summer pjs feature shorts that are basically exactly the same as men's boxers. Women aren't wearing those as a fetish. I doubt there are many women who are wearing tighty whities with a pretend cock/ pair of rolled up socks down the front because ' oooo they're so comfy' . Transmen are wearing them for a different reason, I presume.

SaltPepperandTomato · 15/02/2026 11:14

TheCriticalThinker · 15/02/2026 11:06

I feel sorry for the OP, she's extremely naive.

Most men in her husband's position, when caught, say they don't want it to go any further, as part of the confession. Then when they've got the acceptance, it goes much further

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Unfortunately, you are right.

OP is clearly not comfortable with her partner's fetish. I hope she is able to leave the relationship before he manipulates her into accepting more of his kinks.

Blueskiesandrainbows · 15/02/2026 11:15

Catza · 15/02/2026 10:53

You sound very sensible. I don't think there is necessarily anything alarming going on but obviously go with what you feel comfortable with.
I've certainly dated men who had to borrow my knickers on a holiday as well as a guy who would absolutely try mine for a laugh and a guy who had a collection for his own but was absolutely a gem of a bloke and didn't run around town soliciting.
It's more common than we think and, really, it's just a piece of fabric in most cases and not a reflection on someone's character.

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At last a bit of rational common sense.

GingerBeverage · 15/02/2026 11:15

they make him feel a bit sexy in himself

Yeah that’s a fetish.

Check his porn viewing for sissy videos.

Mystickmystickmystick · 15/02/2026 11:16

I've openly told my DH that if he ever pulls any cross dressing/I've always felt like a woman shit, it's over. Immediately.
I'm no ones emotional support human

Isthateveryonethen · 15/02/2026 11:17

You’re an absolute fool if you fall for that nonsense that he’s spun🤣🤣

AngelinaFibres · 15/02/2026 11:18

Wishthingswerenouting · 15/02/2026 10:57

first page replies are appalling. Would the collective feel the same if a woman was wearing boxers?

it’s up to you what you do OP but think hard about your reasons. This is either a non issue or the start of something else

Boxers are entirely unisex and used as bottoms on women's summer pjs. Pants with bows on them are entirely for womens/ perverts use.

jeaux90 · 15/02/2026 11:18

It’s a fetish. He’s an AGP. You do not have to put up with this. He find them sexy and enjoys the compression, he is definitely looking at himself as a woman.

BauhausOfEliott · 15/02/2026 11:19

He has a kink, presumably. It seems he isn’t wearing them anywhere but at home in private (as they’ve never appeared in the laundry). As he doesn’t appear to have any other women’s clothes, it seems like it’s just knickers. He’s never asked you to indulge this with him. Personally, I’d have an open, calm, rational and honest chat with him about what the level/nature of his kink is and take it from there. To me, a collection of knickers that he wears sometimes before he has a wank would be a very mild and harmless kink and it wouldn’t bother me. Not necessarily something I’d want to join him for, but people are allowed private fantasies.

Imbrocator · 15/02/2026 11:21

He’s said he feels sexy in them but is insisting it’s not sexual. He’s “not sure” yet whether he wants to make love in them. He would be happy to wear them most of the time.

I’m sorry, but this is a fetish. Fetishes and kinks can be fine in a relationship, but not when one partner has lied for years to the other about it. Whether you’re supportive or not, the fact that he lied either tells you that there are big problems with how safe he feels communicating in the relationship, or that the forbidden aspect was part of the fetish.

I think you need to ask some deeper questions about this. Did he ever think about wearing women’s underwear before your holiday? Did he ask to borrow your underpants, or did you offer? Did he forget to bring enough underwear on purpose? Has he ever tried on women’s underwear before he began regularly wearing it, such as trying on a relative’s underwear or ex girlfriend’s? Why did he lie about this when from what you’ve said you have a loving and trusting relationship? Why is he specifically choosing women’s underwear rather than the many, many options for men’s underwear which would offer the same feeling (and can now be found with lace/bows etc if that’s his taste) but be fitted to a man?

Really drill down into what’s going on here, what he’s feeling, and what he’s afraid will happen by admitting this. Do not feel like you have to keep this to yourself. If the “forbidden” aspect is also a thrill for him then it’s completely unacceptable for him to involve you in keeping this kink a secret. You are understandably feeling hurt by the deception, and it’s right that you should be able to talk to friends/family about this if you need to.

BuffysBigSister · 15/02/2026 11:22

Wishthingswerenouting · 15/02/2026 10:57

first page replies are appalling. Would the collective feel the same if a woman was wearing boxers?

it’s up to you what you do OP but think hard about your reasons. This is either a non issue or the start of something else

In what sense are women's honest opinions "appalling"? The guy can wear what he likes but to suggest women are somehow "appalling" not to like it or be turned off by it is insane

Endofyear · 15/02/2026 11:23

I think it is sexual and is a fetish/kink. He's possibly not being entirely honest with you, or even with himself. It's good that you've talked about it. It's not that uncommon a fetish and if it's something he does in private by himself and you don't see it as a problem, there are a lot worse things in life. My problem would be, now it's out in the open, is he going to want to take it further? Only time will tell, I guess.

AngelinaFibres · 15/02/2026 11:23

Isthateveryonethen · 15/02/2026 11:17

You’re an absolute fool if you fall for that nonsense that he’s spun🤣🤣

You are indeed. I put up with things I shouldn't have because I was on mat leave with a baby and a toddler and didn't have the money/ energy/ anywhere to go in order to leave. Once I stood my ground and said no he left me for a 17 year old who hadn't yet realised it was okay to say no. It escalated hugely.

moderate · 15/02/2026 11:27

NickyKat · 15/02/2026 10:45

I just spoke to him as it was starting to get to me, and... well, I'm still processing it all! I think we're okay, but my head is still spinning a bit.

He told me he's been wearing them for a while. I think he said a couple of years now. Mostly buying them around Christmas or Valentines because it's easier to get the sort he likes from Asda or Sainsbury's. Said he can see how wide the gusset is and what support they'd offer which you can't really do online. He also said it's more acceptable to see men in the lingerie sections around Christmas etc. He wears them once or twice a week, likes having the choice, and yes... he probably has more than he realistically needs!

He said it's mostly about how they feel and how they make him feel a bit sexy in himself. He likes the "compression", as he put it. He insists it's not really sexual. He also needs certain styles as some fit him better around his bits. I hadn’t really thought about that before, but I guess that makes sense with the styles that were in his drawer - none if them are skimpy and he's not exactly huge down there.

He apologised for not telling me sooner, but he doesn't feel like he's been lying - he just didn't know how to bring it up. I asked if he wanted to make love in them, and he's not sure. I asked if he wants to wear them all the time, and he said only if I'm okay with it and that it probably wouldn't be daily anyway. He doesn't want to wear other female clothes because people would think it's weird, and he wants this to stay private, just between us. He also confirmed he doesn't see himself as a woman and has no intention of going out dressed as one. I'm not sure if I should ask to see him in them as I'd be interested to see how well it all fits but I'm not sure if asking him to stand in just his underwear for me is a bit too weird - yes, I'm aware if the irony in worrying about what's weird when I'm going through all this!!

I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all - it's weird, and part of me still feels a bit flustered and surprised! But I don't feel betrayed, and I feel like he's being honest now. I think that's a relief?

Still a lot of thoughts racing through my head, but at least it feels better having actually talked about it.

My advice would be to get him some silky men’s underwear and see if this does the trick for him. If not, you both need to face that there is something deeper going on.

Boyshorts, as the name suggests, are a direct analogue of existing men’s underwear (jockey shorts) that provide the close fit he purports to want. These are available in slinky Lycra style material. Briefs and hipsters also have a similar equivalents, although finding them outside of cotton is rarer.

researchers3 · 15/02/2026 11:28

BlueJuniper94 · 15/02/2026 07:50

Perry also turned up at a charity event (for children with cancer) with a massive prosthetic man part under his laters of nursery character skirt. He also says he enjoys the frisson of shocking people. He can pontificate all he likes, but he's open himself that it's sheer sexual deviance that motivates him.

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How inappropriate can you get?

The arrogance of men.