If you don’t drive your world is much smaller

[Imreallyokayipromise]

I have a friend who doesn’t drive, for many reasons (anxiety, dyslexia) she also doesn’t use public transport so her world seems very small to me. She has a small child who doesn’t leave the house unless they are going to nursery school. Her partner drives but never seems to want to go anywhere either and she has to make all her plans around him and get permission and everytime we discuss it I just feel like she has no independence and her world is so small. It really got me thinking that if you can drive so many possibilities open up and your world becomes much bigger. Even if it’s just doing your own food shop or visiting a friend.

I dont drive and am a sahm to two preschoolers. I agree it does make your world smaller as there are many lovely places that I can't get to, using public transport it would just take too long with multiple changes and with young children just isn't practical. Places that aren't in a town/city centre take me a long time to get to.

However, not leaving the house does seem to be an anxiety issue rather than driving - of course it depends where you live, but for me and most people there are parks walkable from the house. And using public transport is of course key if you don't drive - doesn't always get you everywhere, but to enough places, even if that is just into town.

Life would be easier if I did drive but I have a learning disability to do with maths and driving is something I don't feel confident enough to do. I can't read maps or understand direction. So I reckon for the safety of myself and others on the roads, I'm better off getting the bus.

I don’t think not driving makes your world smaller but not using transport at all does. My pal doesn’t drive but she will, and does, travel anywhere. It can just take more organisation and time if you don’t drive

What an odd and possibly quite sad response. We live in a genuinely beautiful country. There is a world of lakes, mountains, beaches, waterfalls, chocolate box villages, etc outside of London. Never seeing that 'makes no difference whatsoever'? You have no idea what you are missing out on if you are confining yourself to a single city.

I often think about what my life would be like if I didn't drive. I drive my daughter to school - 20 mins vs 50 on the bus and I pick her up again. That' 20 mins after school is really important for catching up on her day. We would lose that if she got the bus home and then she would be more tired and it would be later for getting dinner and doing homework.

My mother lives at the other side of town - a ten minute drive vs 40 mins walk - 1hr and 20 round trip. It would become impossible to call in for a quick cuppa or to quickly help with something and visiting her would be a less frequent and longer endeavour, probably with a much longer list of chores for me to look forward to when I got there!

A friend recently mentioned how anxious she feels driving but we're not in a part of the country with decent infra structure and it would make her life tiny. Plus it would mean me driving 50 mins to see her every single time.

I think you've missed the point, Pp was not saying one must stay in a city, just that you dont need a car in one.

If you didn't drive, your life would probably be different anyway because you likely would have setup differently and maybe even live in a completely different area. Your daughter likely would've adjusted if she went to that same school because she wouldn't know any different and plenty of children manage public transport to school.

Yes, you're right. It would be shitter but we'd manage. That was my point..

tip run and ikea run

True! I posted upthread about getting everywhere I need without driving and couldn’t think of anything I couldn’t do. But these are the things! Luckily my neighbour offers to take things to the tip but I concede - I cannot do the Ikea experience!

Of course it's usually very possible to get around using public transport.

But driving gives you freedom. You aren't confined to bus timetables and routes. Even if you live somewhere with great public transport that doesn't give you capacity to just go somewhere random, off the beaten track, easily.

And it's the time difference too. It takes me 58 minutes to drive to my parents. If I were to use public transport instead it would take 2.5 hours and 4 trains.

You are the one arguing that inability to drive makes one's world small and restricts opportunities and independence, giving the bizarre examples of food shopping and visiting friends.

Posters are reasonably giving counter examples to show that being unable to drive, unless you live in an area with no public transport, need not impede independence or a full life.

This sounds like the latest thread by a driver who thinks they're superior or more evolved than non-drivers just because they can get in their own tin box and move it from A to B rather than pay a ticket to get in someone else's tin box and have them move it from A to B. And these types of threads are always couched in the language of "concern" for the non-driver.

It's the same thing! I appreciate there's less need for a car in London to get around London but to get out of London it is much more restricting not having a car.

I for one am devastated how small my life is because not owning a car means I can't drive to the tip.

What is it with the tip? Why is it something some people feel a need to go to so often?

@HoskinsChoice last time I checked there was public transport outsde of London - I have used it a fair bit. Thing is car owners never notice. I went to a family funeral in rural Kent recently. I got a train to the nearest town and then there was a bus to near the cremetorium and then a 10 min walk. Most of the attendees acted like I had scaled the North face of the Eiger when I told them I got the bus to the venue.

Now I can drive so if I do want to go somewhere very rural I hire a car.

I agree I have never felt the urge to drive to a tip my world isn't tiny because of it!
I sometimes think.Mimsnet is a separate world where
People are forever driving to the tip
People are selfish /hate the Bride for considering wearing a pale colour to a wedding
A chicken lasts a week
People knocking on the door are a danger
Friends phoning are a nuisance
Grandparents should babysit and provide childcare for free but if they dare to give the child a biscuit crumb they are terrible
Mother's in law are evil and should be kept as far away from the children as possible, (unless they are providing free childcare).

I think I have needed the tip once in 10 years and that was when we had our bathroom rennovated. I simply asked the workman to quote for disposal of all rubbish and he sorted it all.

Do you ever think that some people would love to drive but can’t? I’ve got epilepsy and am banned from driving, thanks for calling my world ‘small’. As if I don’t know that already. I rely completely on my husband, there’s no need to be so sneery and judgemental.

I don't drive but manage to go shopping, see friends, and go to a number of events - basically all the socialising or sightseeing I want.
I use public transport, or taxis.
I'm joining the chorus of "it has nothing to do with not driving".

I have a large bike trailer which I use for taking things to the tip. I did a massive declutter last year and used the bike trailer for that. When we got rid of our old sofa we paid the council to collect it, but we would have done that even if we had a car.

I mentioned the tip as the only thing that annoys me about not being allowed to drive (epilepsy, like @MrsPenelopeBridgerton ). It is bloody annoying. Would I get a car just for that? No. Does it mean I'm living in a small cramped world? No. But it's a pain - not an obsession - especially when you live alone and need to do lots of DIY and gardening.

I cope fine without a car but I don't have to pretend everything's perfect.

Yes, I found the small world phrasing a bit jarring too @MrsPenelopeBridgerton , though I'm sure OP didn't mean it that way.

No idea. OH does drive , but he’s only been to the tip 3 times in the 15 years we’ve lived here.

I'm not safer on a bike than a car with epilepsy, unfortunately. Glad you found a solution that works for you and no doubt many others, but a bit irritated by all the posts suggesting it's not inconvenient never to be able to drive a car. Yes, I have a fine rich joyful world, but I have only inconvenient and expensive ways of disposing of rubbish and garden waste. (Cue tiny violin).

Garden waste and DIY primarily. Obviously wouldn't be an issue with a DP who drove.

My husband drives , we have never been to the Tip or needed to