If you don’t drive your world is much smaller

[Imreallyokayipromise]

I have a friend who doesn’t drive, for many reasons (anxiety, dyslexia) she also doesn’t use public transport so her world seems very small to me. She has a small child who doesn’t leave the house unless they are going to nursery school. Her partner drives but never seems to want to go anywhere either and she has to make all her plans around him and get permission and everytime we discuss it I just feel like she has no independence and her world is so small. It really got me thinking that if you can drive so many possibilities open up and your world becomes much bigger. Even if it’s just doing your own food shop or visiting a friend.

Also some tips will only let you in by car. I have no idea how that is even lawful, They won't let you in by bike or on foot.

I dont think so. Our lives felt much improved and more luxurious once we got our car in London. Makes weekends away far more convenient, no multiple train changes lugging luggage, just go outside and get in the car.

Also yes, tip run and ikea run. Croydon ikea is not a fun outing without a car and delivery fee is ridiculous unless you’re getting something expensive!

Driving can make life easier. However, I lived near Liverpool city center and as well as good train routes, our local churches etc did coach trips. I'd rather space my, always squabbling, GC, out on a train, than in a car. We wouldn't drive to Manchester Airport, if flying and there's lots of routes from Liverpool Airport. Over this half term I'll be going to Chester on the train, there are all sorts available across Merseyside. You don't even need a car for the Safari park. Over summer, Blackpool, Port Sunlight, Southport and New Brighton are easy day trips. The children are going on holiday to Egypt, Wales and London. We see the panto and shows in Liverpool and St Helens. The only thing we can't do, is camping, but I've got out of the age for that. What's small about our world?

Ha ha I'm not getting a car just to go to IKEA or the council tip. I mean how often do you need to go to the tip anyway - when we have had big stuff to get rid of we pay someone or use the council rubbish collection service and well - I've not bought anything large from IKEA for years.

Is that to me? I wasn’t suggesting you get a car. You sound offended. I said our life was way nicer and easier and varied (more spontaneous trips) once we had a car.

I live on a road serviced by Europe's most frequent and Europe's longest urban bus routes. My previously non-driving husband was fine getting about.

I don't drive because... well, I'm a bit crap. That and the fact that I think the roads are safer places without me driving.

At one point I had 3 under threes. I took them all over using bus or train (I think I once resorted to a taxi). A double buggy's basket makes a family shop easy. Oh, and I never blocked the wheelchair space on public transport either. I used folding buggies and slings on buses. My world was very far from small. I do not live in London, or even a big city, btw.

I think you are being unreasonable because it totally depends. I don't drive because I have a neurological condition that has affected by ability to take lessons. My world isn't small at all. I walk everywhere and so keep very fit and slim, I am happy to use public transport when I need to or to go longer distances. I see friends, get food shopping and do whatever I want no problem.

It's the not even using public transport that makes her life small. Not just being a non driver. I only learnt to drive last year at 44, also due to anxiety. I still only drive locally(within an hour or so) but i've always used public transport. My kids went many places, on buses, trains, planes. She needs to start tackling her anxiety before her child gets older and starts to feel like they are missing out on going places. Its unfair on the child.

Did you even read my post? You sound complete different to my friend, she only really leaves the house to take her child to nursery.

What a bitch..

Honestly, what's your point? Are you going to speak to her about it or just slag her off on here?

None of my team at work can drive. One of us grew up on a different continent, so arguably has a very big world, and also has a side business which involves a lot of UK travel. One of us has a 65 mile daily round trip to work and back. One of us is visiting friends in Japan next month. And while I have no great travel plans, my calendar for the month ahead includes a theatre trip to a different city, cold water swimming in a lake, accompanying DD to a university offer-holder day 225 miles away, and a car-free walk with a local walking group.

But your post was using your friend as an example but literally saying 'if you drive your world is very small'

So that's what lead people to illustrate that that's not the case

YOU made it about driving, and then kind of doubled down on it. By the sounds of it, her anxiety and shitty relationships are making her world small.

Regardless of reasons, are you planning to help/support her or just judge her as inadequate?

But earlier you said you were using her as an example to have a thread discussing the benefits/restrictions of driving or not. When someone was talking about your friend specifically.

Now you're having a go at a poster because they're discussing their life not driving, because it's different to your example?

What did you ACTUALLY want?

Trolley and tram fare? Get a cab from the exit?

You need to read between the lines of your friend's life.

She's being controlled.

Your friend is being controlled by her husband.

I wonder to what extent her anxiety is due to him.

And I hope she has nailed down her contraception.

The last thing she needs is another child, which would probably scupper any chance of escaping.

I used to be a Londoner and preferred public transport. You hop in the tube or bus and go wherever you want. Very freeing and convenient.

With a car, you’re carrying around a massive metal burden. Everything needed to be planned out and even when you find a car park it’s probably full or too tight. And parking charges and fines. So stressful.

When my son played football, it was rare that it was completely inaccessible by public transport. A bus or train with a bit of walking would get us there the vast majority of the time.

But then as soon as his coaches found out that I couldn't drive at the time, they always made sure they had a space for him in one of their cars and between 3 coaches cars, they always did so even for quick away trips they would then always offer to take him.

He never missed an away match due to the fact I couldn't drive at the time.

Her issue isn't that she can't drive. You can't really believe that. Her issue is she's in a controlling relationship.

I don't drive. I dint need permission to leave the house. Or see friends. We once travelled from one side of the Midlands to the other for a toddler photo shoto because u wanted to. I've travelled to Sri Lanka, KenyaAfricaDom Rep, and Europe. I volunteer where we have to travel around Great Britain. I also don't have a controlling husband and my own interests.

In some ways, no.

I was without a car for about a week in the summer. I reverted to my bike. I found a route to work that meant cycling across the common, down farm tracks, and along a tow path. I got to know the farmer. I saw roe deer and a kingfisher and kestrels.

I was still able to go to the supermarket and in to town. It just took a bit more planning, and I had to get up earlier. By the end of the week I was 6 lb lighter and sleeping much better.

Obviously a car means you can go further, faster, warmer in the winter. Firstly though, she needs rid of the controlling husband.

Most drivers still only drive to the same 10-20 places. Humans are creatures of habit. Your world isn't bigger, it's just more spaced out, with favourite places picked on different criteria (e.g. normal swimming pool is the one with the best parking, rather the easiest bus route. The one with the best café and a slide is a pain on both counts, so only for special occasions).

It really depends on where you live. When I was in Z3 my world was no bigger and travel was no easier with a car.

You're contradicting yourself OP.

I don't drive, and DP doesn't have a car anymore. My world is huge thanks. I travel often and widely, with and without others. Have a great career in senior leadership, and lots of friends locally and in other countries. Lots of hobbies and interests. Have hiked all over Europe. And of course, do my own food shop!

Your friend's problems have nothing to do with car ownership.