Excluded from bday party - aibu to text the parent?

[RealReginaPhalange]

Reception. Its Feb so kids know each other well enough. Bday party tomorrow, idk how many not invited and how many invited but my son has been excluded. They do play together at school but i dont know the mum. They had chats today about party tmrw, my DS feels he is invited and he is fully aware of the party. Apparently invitations went out by whatsapp directly. I am on whatsapp group so it is not an error. Fine not to invite everyone but in reception? They dont have own little circles of friends yet. Invite everyone or no one at that age. And then talks at school and some kids end up upset. I am so so angry now and will need to have a chat with ds. should i text the mom it is hurtful or should i leave it?

just to add. I dont really know parents there and not sure if she is well known, i am worried i will be a gossip no 1 afterward and it would lead to my ds being excluded more.

aibu - dont text
not aibu - text

Seriously OP it's a party, you're getting really hysterical over a non issue. Times aren't like in our day when the whole class was always invited. There is a lot more cherry picking (instigated usually by the hot fingered mothers on WhatsApp). Gone are the days when parents didn't know their kids' classmates and sent paper invites. Everything is more expensive and more extravagant.
Place something nice for your DS in half term and he will soon forget.
And don't start plotting revenge on his birthday FFS.
And keep off that phone!

Chances are these kids won't remember each other by the time they are at university.

But OP you don’t even know how many kids have been invited. Maybe 11 out of 22? In that case will you insist he has been excluded? Or even 15 out of 22? Is the birthday child a really good friend to your son? Do they often play together, are they friends? It’s really not viable to invite the whole class sometimes, it’s expensive. I think you really need to calm down before making a fool of yourself which will then impact your son. People do avoid unhinged parents regardless of how cute and polite their kids are.

I don’t think you should text, but if you do you may get a response you don’t like. DD6 didn’t invite a boy to her party last year because he terrorised her. Mum texted me and I texted back exactly why he’s not invited. This may not be the case for your son, I’m sure it’s not but going round demanding he is invited to parties will make you look deranged. Also if she doesn’t have the money for a whole class party putting her on the spot like that isn’t nice.

You’re being ridiculous. Your idea of “invite the whole class or none” / “if you can’t afford to do a party for everyone, don’t do it” is just so silly.
Is it at their house and they don’t want 30 children running about? Is it at a soft play type place where they have to pay per child? Either way if the parents just want to do it for a handful of kids then they absolutely can.

Arrange a trip out to do something fun with your son that day.

I mean you literally say in your first line that you have no idea how many kids have/haven't been invited but you still decide to go in guns blazing.
Honestly I'd be mortified if I were you. But sure, try it. And then see how many party invites he gets for the rest of the year...

This sounds a bit unhinged OP. For all you know they may have only invited 2/3 kids out of the class, for DDs reception party that’s what we did as we hired a small place and she had family friends children plus cousins, there wasn’t enough room for the whole class. Other years we’ve done whole class parties but they cost a bloody fortune. I go with the rule of either the whole class or less than half the class. That way either everyone’s invited or the majority aren’t, so no one’s singled out.

You sound ridiculous tbh. This is coming from someone who's child ends up with very few attending their bday even thought everyone gets invited because they are neurodiverse and people are idiots. Your kid didn't get invited. Get over it.

So you would expect my daughter to have a party she did not want just so that a boy she didn’t play with could be invited? Riiiiight. Yes that sounds totally sane.

I am so glad my parenting days are over. How on earth have we reached a point where mum's are apoplectic about their child not being invited to a party. The level of entitlement is off the scale.

Don't you sound like a peach.
Invite all or non!
Who put you in charge of parties 🥳

So a parent can't afford to have a whole class party that child shouldn't have a party!
Don't hold it against the children next year see who your DC wants to invite and go form there.
Also dont hold it againt the children that dont invite your DC as they dont have a party.

Just because you invite all of them for your child's party doesn't mean they owe your child an invite back. It doesn't work that way.

I really wouldn’t worry about friendships in reception. So many of them play alongside each other at this age.

You need to understand that not every party will be a full class party and that is acceptable and 100% fine.

You can’t possibly know how many are and arent invited. Maybe the birthday child was at the preschool and already has a small circle of friends. In reception yes my kids did go to a lot of full class parties (as I’m sure yours will too!) but they went to 2-3 smaller ones where birthday child picked say 10 friends. Some parties only allow for a certain headcount. Don’t let yourself get angry about this, it’s really not worth it (and will happen A LOT throughout primary!!)

You are massively projecting your own insecurities and anxieties into your son and if you carry on like this you will create an anxious and neurotic child whose self esteem depends on the validation of others. Likely very little thought has gone into the invite list. When my children were little their invite request lists always seemed totally arbitrary depending on who they had sat next to at school that day or something.

It feels so painful for your child (I’ve been there) but it’s just one of those things. And yes they do have friendships at this age and preferences over who they play with x

And if the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree then no wonder the invites aren't tumbling in.

I have done a mixture of whole class parties and parties with fewer children. As have all the other children in the school. Even in year R not everyone invited the whole class to a party. Never no once have I got angry when my child wasn’t invited and I certainly would not be messaging the Mum to ask why, how embarrassing. If you react like this how is your child ever going to learn resilience, that need to be modelled first and foremost by you. Have a breather and shrug it off as one of those things. I promise you will regret messaging the Mum as she will think you are one to avoid completely in future.

Yes, you really do need to calm down.
I understand it’s upsetting for children of that age, but you don’t know the other side of the story.
Your child has long road ahead of him in schools - there will be a lot worse he and you will have to deal with. Try to take this in your stride and gain some perspective.
Do something nice with your DS to make up for his disappointment.

well the vote says it all. I might do not agree but i am glad i came here before unnecessary drama came out of this. I wont be texting anything

I’d be so glad if I was the mum organising the party if you messaged me asking… because I could make sure to avoid you at all costs. Is this your first day on earth and you don’t know how humans work?!

Please don't text and don't make this more of a big deal for your ds. Never mind ds we can't go to everyone's party. This is all you need to say then move on with your life. You do not know the context ie how many are invited, the parents ability to host lots of children, the added pressure they may be under to also invite family etc etc Stop judging.

When it’s your child’s birthday you can decide where/cost/number of children invited.
When it’s another child you can’t dictate how they celebrate their birthday!

Can you not understand that some people may not be able to afford to have the whole class at the party? You sound very entitled.

I think its nasty but need to calm down before i do something which i will regret

Seriously. Way to much, massive overreaction.

You are being ridiculous.
Do you know how pricey it would be to invite whole class?
How many kids did you invite for your child birthday party?

I dont think it means your sons "excluded" unless every other child in the class has been invited and not your son.
if you are sure your son has not been invited i understand he may feel disappointed but its better to teach him that we cant always be invited and thats OK.
How many of the class has been invited? Could be a smaller party?
Are you certain your son hasn't been invited/could there have been an oversight/mistake?
Anyway ,i don't think texting is wise and could cause more problems.