Excluded from bday party - aibu to text the parent?

[RealReginaPhalange]

Reception. Its Feb so kids know each other well enough. Bday party tomorrow, idk how many not invited and how many invited but my son has been excluded. They do play together at school but i dont know the mum. They had chats today about party tmrw, my DS feels he is invited and he is fully aware of the party. Apparently invitations went out by whatsapp directly. I am on whatsapp group so it is not an error. Fine not to invite everyone but in reception? They dont have own little circles of friends yet. Invite everyone or no one at that age. And then talks at school and some kids end up upset. I am so so angry now and will need to have a chat with ds. should i text the mom it is hurtful or should i leave it?

just to add. I dont really know parents there and not sure if she is well known, i am worried i will be a gossip no 1 afterward and it would lead to my ds being excluded more.

aibu - dont text
not aibu - text

Invite everyone or no one at that age.
need to calm down before i do something which i will regret

Or..the kid invites whomever they want? You've set arbitrary rules you made up for a strangers kids party.

You’re being a bit ridiculous about this. Lots of children don’t have whole class parties and it’s common to invite a selection of friends rather than everyone, even in reception. They do often have friendship groups in reception. It’s a good lesson for your DS that he can’t be invited to everything. There’s been lots of parties that my dd has been invited to and others haven’t, and lots of other parties that she hasn’t been invited to and others haven’t and that’s ok.

Simply text the mukmsayijf my son said he was invited to a party today and I wasn't aware of one... Have I missed it or is he confused?

Can you just confirm so I can clarify with him....it's totally fine if he hasn't ..sorry to be awkward

Muchos thanks

So that she has to receive a “don’t know why you think you’re invited but you’re not” msg back?

Or do you think there genuinely could be an error and they’re somehow invited despite not receiving an invitation?

You sound very entitled.

Jesus Christ, don’t do this. That’s unhinged, manipulative, and aggressive. Why would you think this is appropriate? How would you react if someone sent you this and you purposely hadn’t invited their child?

For all you know, only a handful of the kids from the class are invited. Or maybe it's all of them bar yours. Either way, take the high road and keep quiet. Blowing up at the mum is a really, really bad idea. It's the quickest way to get yourself tagged as a problem parent – aka That Mum – and it will rebound on your DS.

I definitely agree with your last point, my ds7 has said he hasn’t been invited to a party of a classmate, I’ll call him Harry, but my ds7 has never mentioned Harry before or the fact they are apparently friends!! They have probably played together once but ds7 always has a fear of missing out. I’m also friends with Harry’s mum and so I know she wouldn’t deliberately “exclude” ds7 or any child in fact.

My son is reception age and he would barely notice if he wasn’t invited to a birthday party or would forget about it in 5 minutes and not care. I think don’t make a big issue.

They are not too young to not be able to understand that not everyone gets invited to everything. We did whole class parties at that age but for some parents 22 kids is too much.
What exactly are you thinking of texting? You will embarrass the parent and yourself too! And don’t be petty - if you are going to do a whole class party then don’t not invite the few that didn’t invite your child.

DS is year 2 and still doesn't have a defined group of friends. We are having a party at home and invited 4 friends, although I think DS is old enough not to mention it to others. I'm not inviting 29 kids just to stop anyone feeling left out! At Reception parties are often partly about who the parent knows.

Rather than getting cross, a better tactic would be to throw your own party and invite everyone. That way you are likely to get more return invites.

idk how many not invited and how many invited but my son has been excluded

No, he hasn’t been excluded as you don’t even know how many have been invited for goodness sake. If it was a full class party and he wasn’t invited fair enough in being angry but you have absolutely no idea if this is a a small amount of children from the class going. Why would you text a parent saying it’s hurtful? Are you going to do this throughout life when your child isn’t invited somewhere?

need to calm down before i do something which i will regret

What are you going to do shout at a parent over text? Don’t text you’ll look unhinged. Good grief, what a drama over nothing, this place is wild at times.

Don't be that parent
I've done whole parties, and then just taken a few.
At ££ a head at a trampoline park I cant afford the whole class. In a sports hall I invite both classes. In my house limited to 9 friends due to space. A sleep over that's a limit of 5

You dont know how many invited. The parents financial situation.
Excluded would be the whole class being invited and not your child - normally as that is the class bully from my experience

It's upsetting for your DC but they will get over it. There will be other parties that he will get invited to and others won't.

Dont be that mum.

Goodness.

No you can’t always do a class party. Many venues can’t take that many kids.
And yes reception children can have groups of friends. Mine were mainly friends with the children from their preschool. And kids that I’m friends with the mums. Some of those were in the second class. Do you expect 50-60 kids to be invited!

But you don't know how many have or have not been invited.

Maybe 10 0r 12 from the class are invited. Or fewer.

We never had a whole class party - couldn't fit them all in the house, and couldn't afford a venue or to take many when we did 'activities'.

I don't remember any whole class parties at our school, People tend not to have huge houses in inner city London.

When my son was in Reception he told all the boys about the amazing party he was having. He verbally invited them all. They were very excited, and told their parents. One mum rather hesitantly, approached me and told me her son was adamant he was going to Fred's* party on Saturday. Had she missed an invitation? Er, no. DS' birthday wasn't even for several months.

I had to let all the parents know that there was no party, and their children were not being excluded. This was in the first few weeks of Reception, before Class WhatsApps were a thing, and I knew nobody.

*Name changed to protect the guilty.

Life lesson for your DS. Not everyone will like him and he won’t get invited to everything. Don’t make a big deal of it, do something fun with him instead- it will all be forgotten after half term.

You are coming across as very intense about this OP. I wondered if you had difficulties with friendships yourself at school and there’s some projection going on?

Oh good grief don’t text!

Don’t punish the kids by not inviting them to next party, it’s not their fault.
Do something nice with them tmrw and move on

and def don’t message the other parent

How on earth have you come to the conclusion of who should and shouldn't be invited? Don't be THAT parent...

Of course it doesn't have to be whole class, reception or otherwise. The children know who their friends are and their parent can judiciously invite the children of their personal friends without a child that age being too bothered.

Not everyone can afford a whole class party and no child needs one. They're not going to interact with everyone there any more than they will at school.

Don't make a fool of yourself by asking anything. It's bad manners for a start.

You are bonkers

No i am not entitled at all. And i didnt plan on demanding an invitation obviously, i wouldnt go now even if she would end up inviting him.

I completely do not agree with inviting few kids at that age. I am not british and didnt grow up here so maybe i have a different perspective but i do think its nasty. They are 4/5….you just dont do that to little kids🙄 not when you are not capable yet (due to the age obviously) of being tactful and then blab about party tomorrow at school to other kids and making them think they are invited. If you are too little for that you are too little to not pick few kids. Its not a home party and about 1/5 of the class from what i know have not been invited.

i think its wrong but appreciate telling me not to say anything. Really dont want any drama or to my ds being purposely excluded bc his mom texted something out of frustration. 🤷🏻‍♀️

he was close to one boy who moved couple of weeks ago. He is semi close to another but they are moving in the summer so i am not encouraging this friendship, we had a playdate and are friendly with mom but thats it now. He plays with another boy a lot whom everyone wants to play with, but his mom has a group of friends there and wasnt interested in any playdates. Its a small school, small class, i am struggling to push him out there and be confident and get friends. His teachers said he has no issues with anyone there and play with kids.

Maybe her child isn’t keen on your child, maybe he was told to pick 10 friends and you didn’t make the cut or maybe the mum only text friends that she knows the mums or dads. You’ll never know and it really doesn’t matter at all, you weren’t invited, end of! It’s a kids 5th Birthday party is it really that big of a deal? Just make it a nothing to your son, don’t build it up. ‘Not everyone can be invited to everything’ and move the conversation on.