Excluded from bday party - aibu to text the parent?

[RealReginaPhalange]

Reception. Its Feb so kids know each other well enough. Bday party tomorrow, idk how many not invited and how many invited but my son has been excluded. They do play together at school but i dont know the mum. They had chats today about party tmrw, my DS feels he is invited and he is fully aware of the party. Apparently invitations went out by whatsapp directly. I am on whatsapp group so it is not an error. Fine not to invite everyone but in reception? They dont have own little circles of friends yet. Invite everyone or no one at that age. And then talks at school and some kids end up upset. I am so so angry now and will need to have a chat with ds. should i text the mom it is hurtful or should i leave it?

just to add. I dont really know parents there and not sure if she is well known, i am worried i will be a gossip no 1 afterward and it would lead to my ds being excluded more.

aibu - dont text
not aibu - text

I’ve had parties for my two kids always invited the whole class, some didn’t turn up they’d been off the day the invites were handed out, some had other plans, and some that did said they only found the invite the day before etc. I would text but be prepared for the response that he’s not invited and respond appropriately if that’s the case (accept it and move on). I wouldn’t only invite a select few, but some people do, just need to accept it.

Please don’t message the other mum. Your son is only in Reception, so you and your son have five or six years of party invitations ahead of you. Do you really want to be known as “the mum who expects an invitation"? It's early days so please just accept this one. The birthday boy might end up being your son's best friend by Y6!

Also, look at the positives. If the party is tomorrow, take your son somewhere exciting on his own. Next week is half term, so he won’t see the other children who went to the party for a whole week. By the time they go back to school, the party will be forgotten about and nobody will be talking about it!

so unless families are rich enough to invite the whole class, their kids don't deserve a birthday party? You're being ridiculous. If you knew for definite it was a case of he was one of the only 3 out of 22 that weren't invited, you might have a point (although it would still be inappropriate to message) but you don't know this.

If you kick off about this, word will spread and your DS will be the one most affected, as he likely will then drop to the bottom of any 'potential invitees' list, as people won't want to deal with his weird, aggressive mother!

Children decide very quickly who they enjoy playing with so don’t assume they will be friends with everyone. At 4 my children definitely knew who they liked and who they weren’t particularly fond of.

This is a great time for you and your son to develop some resilience. This will happen again and again. My kids knew about parties at that age that they didn't go to.. I just planned a nice day with them or explained it's expensive and not everyone can be invited! They never cared and still don't. Get a grip.

Hell would actually freeze over before I’d text all cap in hand begging for an invite in these circumstances.

Have some pride.

I think your decision that you won't encourage a friendship with the child who is moving in the summer is much worse than not inviting the whole class to a birthday party. That is individually singling out a young child. The party invitation is not.

I couldn't afford a room big enough to invite the whole class (and you have to allow for parents in reception). Parties are ridiculously expensive, even when doing them yourself. I'm so glad we are now in the '6-8 friends' category. I would have loved to invite everyone but it just wasn't possible.

I didnt invite full class at any age. Its madness (Imo) and kids end up hating their party (ime) and you end up with an insane number of presents. We invited 12 one year and with family gift and party gifts ended up with over 60 presents.

I preferred to teach my kids you cant be invited to every party and you cant invite everyone to yours. If he is sad, do something special together. His fun isnt dependent on other peoples invites.

Good.
Sensible decision.
If i were you I'd hide the thread now because you are just going to get called everything from a pig to a dog for pages and pages and I dont know about you, but I'd rather get fisted by Edward Scissorhands.

My son was in a class of 30 in reception I don't think anybody invited the whole class and I certainly didn't .You need to remember as well that in reception that kids probably still have friends from nursery as well as possibly young family members on top of those invited from the class.

It's just one of those things and they quickly get used some being invited and some not. My son was invited every year to a girl in his classes party and then wasn't one year .As far as I knew they were still friends and I was friendly with her mum but I didn't say anything because I things change. Her mum spoke to me asked if he was coming and I explained we hadn't had an invitation and it turned out something had gone astray with him getting it or him giving it to me but I wouldn't have dreamt of saying where's his invitation.

I also have a child in reception. She’s invited to some parties but not others. Kids that age of course talk and are excited about parties - if she ever mentions it, I just say ‘you weren’t invited to this one, but that’s ok because we’re going to be doing something fun tomorrow anyway’ and she has never needed anything more than that.

It’s not anything malicious, the party could have a limit on numbers for loads of reasons - the type of party, expense, the birthday child just preferring a handful of classmates. Def don’t bring it up and just make light of it to your ds if he mentions it, if you don’t make it a big deal, he won’t either.

Honestly don't text. You'll be the class parent pariah at reception ! Leave it a few years at least .

Glad you're not going to text, you would be dooming your son to not be invited to other parties if you did.

Fwiw I've never done a whole class party. I give my daughter a number that she can invite and then she writes a list. She's had one for about half of her class before plus my friends kids and family children - that came to about 30 kids and it was crazy. Next one is a limit of 5 and we're going bowling

Your child doesn’t get to go to every party just because he’s in reception. Sometimes parents can’t afford to invite anymore and sometimes they just don’t want too.
I would not be texting the other mum you’ll guaranteed to be gossiped about and make a bit of a name for yourself. Teach your child that sometimes you just aren’t invited to everything and that’s ok

Obviously i will make it sounds like ita not a big deal!

Because it isn't!

I think the issue is this is one of his friends. Sometimes when they are young parents invite their friends to the birthday party not who is in their child’s circle of friends

You said that you are not British and didn't grow up here.
You will have to accept that things here are not necessarily organised in the way you are used to.
Also, 'not encouraging' a friendship because the family might be moving away is rather nasty.

You're unhinged, 'either invite the whole class or on one at all'....says who? Who died and put you in charge?
Do you think you're reasonable to demand that from everyone you come across because thats your small minded opinion?
They can invite whoever they want, as many as they want(or can afford) and its got nothing at all to do with you....

I completely do not agree with inviting few kids at that age. I am not british and didnt grow up here so maybe i have a different perspective but i do think its nasty.

Well done for not texting. It's not a nasty thing at all, it's totally normal to invite a few kids and not everyone. Kids parties are hell on earth and no way would we ever have invited more than 8 or so kids to our house for a birthday party and when we had parties at other places, we couldn't have afforded more than that number either. It doesn't matter what you agree with. It's only your opinion and kids understand if you explain to them it's absolutely not a big deal or personal.

Grow up!

Or the school years are going to be very hard for you.

We invited 3 out of 20 on my daughter’s class because we didn’t know everyone well yet (Dec bday) and were sharing a bday community call with her nursery friend so had a ceiling of kids guests we could invite - 10 each, I think, which we used up for established nursery friends, cousins and neighbours 🤷🏻‍♀️ Hard maths ruled in our case but it was a raving success and no negative consequences we knew about. She’s now 17 😜🎂

Hmm...you could be an adult about it and text something along the lines of, Hi, apologies in advance for this..but my wee Jimmy seems to think he's going to your wee jimmy's party, but I don't think we received an invite...but I've been up to my eyes in stuff and may have missed it...can you confirm if my wee Jimmy has got it right or wrong?
Thanks blah blah blah. That's what I would do.
If not invited..do something out of the ordinary with your wee jimmy.

My youngster was often excluded because of food allergies.

Wow u need to take a huge step back here!
Kids actually sometimes get left out it's how they grow and navigate life
Don't be that parent !

Okay so OP I have been in your position a few weeks ago. I understand the hurt but I think you have to develop a thick skin and explain to your child as a previous poster said that you have not been invited but its okay because we are going to do xyz tomorrow instead.

In our case, my reception aged child was really excitedly talking about the friends themed party he was having and would be going to and I basically told him sorry I don’t think you are invited as we didn’t get an invite. But it doesn’t matter because we will be doing something else! He has since forgotten about it now but I understand it is difficult as a mum to be in this position. Simply because these are friends and play together at school.

Call me petty but I will not be calling this child at my sons party - I’m sure the mum won’t care but let’s see really 😂🤣