Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Excluded from bday party - aibu to text the parent?

423 replies

RealReginaPhalange · 13/02/2026 16:48

Reception. Its Feb so kids know each other well enough. Bday party tomorrow, idk how many not invited and how many invited but my son has been excluded. They do play together at school but i dont know the mum. They had chats today about party tmrw, my DS feels he is invited and he is fully aware of the party. Apparently invitations went out by whatsapp directly. I am on whatsapp group so it is not an error. Fine not to invite everyone but in reception? They dont have own little circles of friends yet. Invite everyone or no one at that age. And then talks at school and some kids end up upset. I am so so angry now and will need to have a chat with ds. should i text the mom it is hurtful or should i leave it?

just to add. I dont really know parents there and not sure if she is well known, i am worried i will be a gossip no 1 afterward and it would lead to my ds being excluded more.

aibu - dont text
not aibu - text

OP posts:
TheLemonLemur · 14/02/2026 21:32

5 out of 21 is almost a quarter of the class its not like hes the only 1. Perhaps party is limited to 20 - 15 plus a few cousin/family friends? Its for the kid to decide who to invite or maybe the mum prioritised return invites from earlier parties. You need to relax about these types of things just because you think all or none should go doesnt mean thats what happens

SharpFox · 14/02/2026 21:39

Your son will totally get over it. I wouldn't mention it to him again. Just do something fun with him yourself. Don't text the mother tho. I know it hurts but uour boy will be fine..x

Karenandfour1 · 14/02/2026 21:39

Oh my goodness. Who she invites is none of your business. You don’t know her so have no idea of her life or finances etc. why should she not celebrate her own child’s birthday because she can’t invite everyone 🙄

2O25 · 14/02/2026 21:42

If you invite almost the entire class, then you should invite the whole class so no one feels excluded. If you are only inviting a handful of friends that's different (in that case, no need to invite everyone).

Blades2 · 14/02/2026 21:45

If I got a text from some princess mum because my kid didn’t want their kid at his party, it would be a very fun evening 🙂

leave the child to have who he wants at his party.

Rooroobear · 14/02/2026 21:53

Fgs I hate threads like this. You’re in for a long hard run if you get upset at shit like this, this easily! That’s life, not everyone gets invited, it’s not personal so don’t take it like it is. You need to develop a thicker skin

AnnieLummox · 14/02/2026 21:55

God, what an embarrassment. Who would show their child - and themselves - up like this?

Endorewitch · 14/02/2026 21:59

Please dint text. You will make a,fool of yourself.
Play it down to your child.
Parents can organize parties and invite whom they want. If he was the only one not asked it would be different,but he isnt.
You afe over reacting massively.

BoldnessReborn · 14/02/2026 22:01

My second would have been acutely distressed by a whole class party, even if we could afford it. He only really ever wanted between 1 and 3 friends and always felt I had asked too many. I don't think my first would have been keen. Every child is different, never mind every budget. I enjoyed a few whole-class parties that happened in reception, mainly as a chance to meet some parents, as well as some fun for the kids. But if everyone had done one, it would have been exhausting and expensive to have so many to attend!

Livelovebehappy · 14/02/2026 22:03

my son would probably have invited different people depending on the day at that age. He would think of the children he played with that particular day. The day after it would be a completely different set if he played with someone else….

Retiredfromearlyyears · 14/02/2026 22:12

Don't text and absolutely dont say anything. Just explain to your wee boy not everyone is going to the party ,then distract. Would he like to have a trip to the park,go swimming, arrange a play date.Something along those lines. I know you are hurt for your child, but its best to teach him 'emotional resiliance' that way he is able to 'bounce back ' from these things when they happen.( as they will ,going through school ) Honestly. I know how you are feeling. Ive been there. Just take a deep breath and rise above it.

pouletvous · 14/02/2026 22:16

Oh dear! I know it stings a bit but please don’t take it personally

In years 1,2,3 and beyond your son will be excluded from loads more parties

learn how to manage this situation for your own sake as well as your sons

Julimia · 14/02/2026 22:16

Oh please keep calm and out of it. Explain to your child how you know he's not invited. Explain he won't be only one. Dont make too much of it. And yes they do make friendship groups in reception.

pouletvous · 14/02/2026 22:17

You really do need to learn how to get over it!

ensayers · 14/02/2026 22:20

This reminded me of when i was a little kid and one person on the cul de sac where we lived was having their birthday. Of the 7 or 8 other kids on the street, nobody was playing out that day because they were all at the party. I remember standing in their front garden and watching them through the window. My mum said it was because they went to a different school. It certainly felt excluded!

Miniatureschnauzers · 14/02/2026 22:22

RealReginaPhalange · 14/02/2026 10:53

Jesus some of you are unbelievable, honestly. As much as i appreciate your time to comment here, calling me unhinged etc for “demanding an invitation” or being “party police” because i want to dictate other parents how to throw a party. I get it might be because of your own experience or whatever but chill out. Not once i said he should be invited and this is what i want to achieve. I said everyone should in MY opinion. I look at it differently and i can look at it in any way i want to, but i do understand people have different views and will do what suits them, fine. I would do what i think is right - i.e. at that age invite all or none. He didnt have a party few months ago bc i was on maternity and it is expensive and i didnt want to be in that exact same position.

inviting half of the class or less than half seems fine. From talking to other parents and my boy it looks like only few have been not invited. Which i think its shitty. If 5 out of 21 is not invited do you people really think this is ok?

i got the point, didnt text, my boy is fine today, no harm done.

Totally get the anger! Oooh I remember it well. My son being the only one in a group of boys not invited. I was furious! But not on the outside, only inside… Now I’ve been in the party game a bit longer, I know how to play it, I think. Basically, whatever happens, play it cool and breezy with other parents…. Otherwise you’ll have a lasting reputation of being a crazy/tricky one! Also, don’t try and manipulate your DS’s friendships… just let him be; ask him who he fancies inviting for a play date… don’t try and plan or connive too much.

And also use these experiences of not being invited as an opportunity to think about how disappointment feels; what we do when we’re disappointed; to think about our minds and feelings and those of others. Tell him about a situation when you were a kid and were disappointed; how the other kids might feel; ask him how he’d love to spend the day, maybe have a special treat! There will be so many more experiences like this for him (and worse, unfortunately) that actually it’s a really good time to start talking about this from the very beginning.

Atsocta · 14/02/2026 23:38

Don’t text, how on earth do you expect her to invite everyone 😳 won’t make for a very good start … and your little one could be avoided in future as might leave bad feelings…

pineapplesundae · 14/02/2026 23:56

I get it! We hurt for our children. Perhaps arrange to take him and the other non invitees out for a playdate.

pineapplecrushed · 15/02/2026 01:31

You need to be an adult about this. If you transfer all of this onto your child then they will be even more upset. Grow up and parent your child. Just relay that it isn't a big deal.

WorkItUpYourBangle · 15/02/2026 06:51

You have to be quietly dignified about these things. It sends a better message in the long run. Besides, they're not obligated to invite anyone. If you message they WILL make it all about how awful and rude you are. Seeing as they don't think they're doing anything wrong to begin with.
So just say nothing and no, don't invite them to your party. It's the only way they'll maybe see how hurtful it was to you. Plus it's the only thing you can do to show you were affected. Say nothing.

Laserwho · 15/02/2026 07:01

In reception, or any year if I had a party it was for a select few kids from school. We also invited cousins and kids from with ever club they went to at the time. I couldn't afford to invite the whole class. Why should my kid miss out on having his own party to appease mother's like you?

IAmTooOldFor · 15/02/2026 07:23

I haven’t read all 15 pages but has no one else picked up on the fact that OPs child has already had a birthday this school year but not had a party at all?? Ie invited 0 ppl. She has reasons for this - including not being able to afford one - but I wonder how she’d react to the parents who have shelled out for her kid to go to their parties texting her to ask when a reciprocal invite could be expected?!!

Moonnstarz · 15/02/2026 07:30

IAmTooOldFor · 15/02/2026 07:23

I haven’t read all 15 pages but has no one else picked up on the fact that OPs child has already had a birthday this school year but not had a party at all?? Ie invited 0 ppl. She has reasons for this - including not being able to afford one - but I wonder how she’d react to the parents who have shelled out for her kid to go to their parties texting her to ask when a reciprocal invite could be expected?!!

This is also a good point because in reception class if doing a bigger party then parents may be more likely to think about not only the names the child mentions but the names they are more aware of e.g. Fred had a party and invited you, so we should invite Fred in return.
As you didn't host a party yourself no one needs to reciprocate plus you missed an opportunity to get to know the school parents in a social setting.

Trishyb10 · 15/02/2026 07:42

This could be an oversight,a mistake… or maybe shes got limited cash and cant invite everyone…..

Wheelz46 · 15/02/2026 08:42

Most reception classes have a capacity of 30. Can you imagine if each parent felt obliged to throw a whole class party.

That's 29 invites in a year, around £145 in presents alone with a budget of £5 per child.

This wouldn't work for many reasons and can you imagine the kids parties who fall into the holiday's who would likely have less children in attendance and then feeling sad because their other friends had a full house!

Swipe left for the next trending thread