Well, it feels like it. Am I?
My mother is a very ‘hard’ person. She believes you should put yourself first in life and has somewhat performatively done so. OK, that’s her right. But then also she expects to be treated the same as other mums/granny’s who have been there for their families, and is offended that I don’t. She doesn’t seem to get that she can’t have it both ways.
Lately she’s adopted quite a ‘boomer’ attitude and her idea of her ‘rights’ at the expense of other people’s have become rude and entitled. She’s developed an almost paranoid need for complete autonomy that is verging on controlling at times.
She lives abroad and wants to sell her house here. I would like to buy it. I expect to pay market value, but she is being very evasive about what the specialist valuation is. I suspect she is overvaluing it in her head (it’s a very non-standard property and needs a lot of work) or she doesn’t want me to buy it (she seems to have taken against my partner, and he’s done lots there for her. I think that’s why she’s being so odd over it) She is not planning to declare tax in either country. She is minimising or discounting real problems with it. She is over-playing work she has had done. She is ‘forgetting’ work I have done over the years. She’s described a very generous offer for just the derelict ‘orchard’ by a neighbour as ‘taking the piss’ (and it’s absolutely not!).
Of course, she can just say no and sell to the highest bidder. She doesn’t owe me anything. But given her general approach, I’m thinking about framing my request to buy it in terms of tax advantage (or any other way I can think of to sway her). I believe she would, in my shoes. I do not expect her to sell to me for less than it’s worth (although if the positions were reversed I would take a bit off for family). I’m pretty confident no one else will pay it either. I’ve my own timeline to work to, though, so I don’t want to be kept hanging for a few years while she figures it out in her somewhat arrogant way and it seems like she would.
Am I being unreasonable to be selective in how I frame my offer? Or is it manipulative and I should just offer as I would a stranger, be upfront about my reasons and reservations as I would with family and then walk away if she wants to keep playing controlling games rather than join in? I don’t usually - she isn’t hard up and I’m definitely not trying to con her. But I feel like I am. Am I overthinking this?