Is the commute justifiable?

[ByGoldHare]

Hi everyone, it’s my first time posting and would love to hear your thoughts this.
I have twin girls who will start nursery school this September. We got accepted into our catchment school (2 min drive or 15 mins walk with my kids) and also a slightly further out rural village school (12 min drive + potentially parking on the street and then walk 7-8 mins).
The local school is a “good” school and has a 3 form entry. I did like it when I first visited but felt the staff were too busy to give individualised attention to all the kids.
Then we found this village school which has only one form entry and absolutely loved it when we visited. It’s much smaller and has a close community feel. But it is quite a hassle to get there, park and walk. I know it’s not a big deal but it’s also graded “outstanding” by ofsted.
I guess my question is, should I go with my gut that the smaller school is better for my kids? Or should I take the easy way and send them to the local school? It is a big commitment to drive them there back and forth, but thankfully I’m in a position to be a full time mum as my husband’s job can support the family comfortably.
On top of that, I just found out I’m pregnant with number 3, which we are thrilled about but it will make school drop off logically much harder.
Please I would love to hear fr

I know twins who went to a local school and it was awful. They were on top of each other constantly and the small amount of kids and lack of teams wasn’t for them.

On a separate note - don’t underestimate driving/walking 30 minutes each way every day.

I don’t understand when there is a good option on your doorstep why you would drive your kids to school. Walking to school whe they get older is a great independent experience. For believer you should always walk to school.

Not my experience of our local one form entry school.

They’ve been absolutely fine all through their school life. The number of people who never realised they were twins is quite astonishing though.

As a primary teacher who worked in one form entry and larger schools, I would go for the larger one.

Small isn’t always better it’s often where children end up not making friends.

Nearer school in my opinion. Walking to and from school will be good for your children, also as twins more chance for them to be able to make different friends if they choose, and to be seen as two children who happen to be twins, not their sole identity.

@AmberDreams Thanks so much for your insight. How did you manage play dates and after school clubs? And parking in a crammed area? It seems for us it will be a 12 min drive + parking + 7-8 min walk, which warrants getting out of the house much earlier to not be late. The thought of doing it with newborn and tired children worries me 😂

Honestly I didn't like it from pretty much the start and in hindsight I wish we could have always been in sperate classes. We were also very similar academically which didn't help us stand out.

My sister was also much more confident and I've seen the same repeated with twins now I am teaching. One tends to speak for the other and be more outgoing and the other doesn't find their voice so stays close to their sibling for reassurance.

I would always advise letting them be in separate classes it allows them to find their own paths.

@MooFroo This rural village school is actually more “affluent” so I think the parents are quite willing to support financially when needed, I.e. enrichments. Funny enough I had always set my heart to send my kids to the pre-school attached to the local school, but it only has 24 places so we didn’t get in. I then stumbled upon this other pre-school attached to the “affluent” village school and my kids love it. They are struggling to recruit enough kids so everyday there is only about 12 kids to 4 staff. We like the parents and the kids so that started to sway me into considering this school.

@pinkdelight I think you have put it perfectly, it’s the thought of putting them into a protective bubble that maybe what I need to let go of. They are in the pre-school attached to this village school and it’s very small (only 12 kids to 4 staff) and they love it probably because they are so young only 3.5. But I can see friendships limitations once they get older and maybe also being the only ones who are not local. We are not in a position to move to that rural area because my husband needs to commute to London easily from where we live occasionally.

@thornbury Thanks for your insight. Would you mind sharing your thoughts on whether the benefit of individualised attention in the early years outweighs the limitations of friendship options/potential issues when they are a bit older?

My husband is very keen on them getting more focused attention from the teacher but I do worry about the girls friendship issues later on as we don’t live in that village and might not be as involved in the community that their friends are in.

I also have twins. Although my inclination was for them to be together in Reception, the Head at infants school was clear it was better for them to be separate for the reasons given in my first post. I did some research at the time, which backed up the Head’s approach. My kids have always had separate friends (with some overlap) were in separate schools for a bit and are at separate universities. They had separate interests too which continued into their uni years. They are however still very close.

My close friends between ages of about 6-9 were twin girls and one dominated the other and was always in charge. It was bad for both of them in retrospect, but especially the less assertive one.

I did some research back in the day on what was best for twins and why. Maybe have a dig around and have a think about it. Good luck with your girls.

Larger school - its nearer so easier to get to especially being pregnant and then having a small baby. More likely to make friends in the surrounding area for playdates. Larger schools tend to have more afterschool school clubs. Easier move classes if issues.

Plus as the girls get older (end of primary) they can have independence of walking to and from school themselves

I think you’d come to loathe that commute over the next 15 years (which is what it’ll be assuming the baby goes to the same school). For us going to a school we could walk to was extremely important. I would have only tried to get into a different school if our walkable school was awful. So for me your catchment school would be a no brainer. Especially as that gives both your DDs more options for friends.

Will you be needing wrap around care? Apologies if I’ve missed it but if that’s important look carefully at what both schools offer. That might help with your decision as well.

As a twin myself I’d say a school with the option of being in separate classes.

I would go for local as well because it’s logistically easier. I know you say you’re a SAHM but you might want to study/work/ volunteer and not tying yourself into the longer school run is valuable.

Ultimately it sounds like they are both acceptable options, not like one great one awful. It’s just down to you to work out what matters more.

FWIW having been through primary school as a parent I value the opportunity to mix up classes, allow new friendships to form etc. I think small classes are wonderful if your DC makes friends but can be very challenging if you don’t make friends as there’s less opportunity to move classes.

This.
I foolishly went for the schools 4-5 minutes away, rather than the 5 minute walk.
When it came down to it, there was little between them.
However, I was always on the clock, long after they could have walked home as they grew older.
Huge mistake that I regretted for 14 long years.

@Yewoo Thanks for sharing your insight! Thankfully at the moment we are a position to rely on one income so I could focus on the children. Yes, but still I think I will dread the commute twice daily. And thanks for reminding me that it will be a commitment of 15 years!

It depends how small. I wouldn't wantine to go to a school with only a couple of kids per year.

But slightly larger village schools do tend to have lots coming in. I know ours does. I love the community feel our school, and although the year group is small (half-form entry, fifteen per year), the kids mix across year groups a lot more which I think is great for the little ones' confidence and gives the older kids a sense of responsibility. I also wouldn't necessarily say it stops them playing sports - our school pushes sport a lot and frequently wins competitions. Again, it just means some of the younger kids get a chance and get to grow into the the team a bit.

Good point about it being for 15 years. Are you happy/able to not work for 15 years? If not what are the childminders /after school club availability like in the village school? Potentially less if a smaller village?

You go to the local school. I sent mine to a small school, and then had to work hard to get him out to a different school as the school changed headmistress, and being so small, managed to go from outstanding to failing in two years without anyone noticing. It was some years ago, so that may not be possible now. It took some outside tutoring to get him into a different school (ended up fee paying selective as I was scared it would happen again).

I would go with your gut, especially as you won’t be rushing off to work anyway. Ours have gone to 2 different small village schools and they were fantastic. Lovely little community and great facilities. Yes, it’s a smaller cohort, but teaches them how to get along with everyone. Mine went from a school of 80 to a secondary school of 1600 and were fine. They find their little niche then and hang out with only the other kids like them. But I liked them having a little class of 12 and knowing all the other parents.

Also fwiw, our closest school was about a 10 minute drive away because we live rurally. I did 10 minutes there, plus 8 minutes on to nursery, then 5 minutes home and then the whole thing in reverse at the end of the day, and I still had to work. It was fine, no big deal.

Yeah I can see you really yearning for the small village option even though the downsides are evident and the majority of people here who've been through it all recommend the larger local school. You're drawn by that safe bubble feeling but god the getting out of the house and drive/parking hassle plus being the non-local and the limited friendship pool and all of that will be so much more tangibly an issue over the umpteen year you'll have to go there - not just on school runs but for all the extras. Use the school where you live. No school is perfect but the upsides make so much sense. The village school is just the short-term feels.

The school places/population crisis is working its way through the system and pretty much all primaries are now affected.
A school that can't meet its PAN will have less money and fewer resources available to the children, and particularly for small schools the risk of closure over the next decade will be quite high.

This is definitely something that needs to be factored in. The experiences of children and parents in a 1 form school at a time when birth rates are dropping is not going to be the same as those who've been in a 1 form school when they were consistent.

Thank you so very much for all of your valuable input. It really helped our family to think through each option from many angles.

The upside of being able to walk to the school and option to split the twins really appeal to us. So we will probably opt for the local school for now.

Thank you so much!

I think the walk to school is a great choice for your families health and the environment.