AIBU To Think Remote Work Isn't Sustainable?

[HighlandsExpat]

I work a very stable, secure 9-5 corporate job. I have been in this role for 1.5 years. I work in the office three days a week but my team is in another city so I don't see them in person.

I realized today I often go the entire workday without speaking! Which is probably good for my facial wrinkles but actually detrimental to my mental health. I am social outside of work and feel happy with my life and friends, but do feel like my job is incredibly lonely and isolating. Which is odd because I just got a promotion and am taking on lots of responsibilities, but hasn't translated into actually meeting new people or even having to speak more. I send a lot of emails and am chatting on MS Teams all day. I know we aren't pre-pandemic when it was five days a week and you would sort of naturally form relationships at work, but I cannot imagine being in this job in a few years.

AIBU to think this isn't sustainable? Do others feel this way sometimes? All of this is triggered because an old colleague emailed to wish me happy birthday and organized a virtual coffee chat. It made me a bit sad because I haven't had one of those (coffee with a colleague) since I left my old job.

If you are in the office three days a week why are you not speaking to anyone? Don't understand that. During COVID we worked from home on an open zoom call, would that suit you better?

I think this role and possibly future remote positions aren’t sustainable for you as a person. It sounds like you need to be surrounded by others.

I do feel remote working overall is sustainable. A lot is down to personality type and those that beat the anti remote drum are the ones that need to be surrounded by others. Good news is, there are plenty of companies that like their team onsite. I suggest finding one of those and save the hybrid/remote options for those that thrive working in that way

I’ve found it impossible to find a job even with mandated office days. Everything and everyone just seems to be remote now.

I've been wfh since before the pandemic. I started work at 8am this morning having waved off the kids. I will now work until 4pm when they come home...
I will pop a wash on at midday and empty the dishwasher at some point... but I am effectively getting my full time hours in and being here for my kids without any child care.

Why would I want this to change?

Obviously everyone is different. I love speaking on the phone but it is not the same as being physically present with people. I work in the office most of the time.

It is a harder place to work now most people are hybrid, as different people are in each day and all meetings online because someone is always at home. It feels much more chaotic as you never get used to the rhythms/sounds of the people sitting nearby.

I know loads of people love it but I find talking to people through a screen as a default communication pretty unpleasant.

People have lived and worked within their homes or within their "village" at most for centuries/millennia.

The office is a relatively recent invention.

I'm not denying the need for social interaction, but I think it would be fundamentally healthier if we had more local co-working facilities.

I get a lot out of going to a local cafe to work - it has more people doing my sort of role than in my actual office!

OP you’ve said your team are in another city. Why aren’t you attending the office where your team work? Surely the main point of attending the office from the businesses perspective would be to work collaboratively. Presumably you don’t because it would be a horrendous commute. I think many companies have recognised the far vaster pool of talent they have to recruit from if they can offer remote working or hybrid attendance.

I think you are being unreasonable because you are judging WFH solely on your experience of it. Not everyone shares the loneliness you are experiencing.
i did it 3 days a week out of 5 for 8 years and never once felt lonely or isolated. I’d chat to colleagues on the phone regularly and was too busy doing actual work to feel isolated.

This is where you play into people's hands about stopping WFH. You say started working from home at 8am this morning and yet 19 minutes later you've read a thread and posted on Mumsnet...

Indeed. And this is the experience of a great many if not the majority.

I think it depends on your team. I wfh as the NHS sold most of our offices off a few years ago. The team I was with until xmas were great, we were close, chatted most days and one person I would log into Teams with for 2+ hours and we would work together on reports etc. I have been moved in a restructure and I am with a team who actively avoid human contact, everything is done over messaging and its quite depressing. I won't be staying long.

@HighlandsExpat I suppose the question is sustainable for whom?

After lockdown hit I was chatting with a colleague and she said how she had seen a complete reversal in her over & under performers in her team compared to pre-WFH. It wasnt to do with how sociable the individuals were but something else.

She had felt that she needed to have her team physically present to keep them on target. What she found was that while that worked for some, others were working far better when fully remote.

I now WFH after almost 3 decades in offices where my time was constantly wasted by idiots thinking I should be able to fix the printer and clean every carpet stain because I'm a PA. People constantly asking me for gossip "because" I'm the PA.

I now do 7am to 5pm, and am very strict about my lunch break and rest breaks during the day. I don't do anything I wouldn't do if I were being watched on an office. Instead of spending lunch in Covent Garden, I now spend lunch working out and walking the dogs.

It works for most people who do it. If you don't like it, go back into the office full time.

Op is in the office 3 days a week. This isn’t ‘remote’ working unless she is the only soul in the building. Her complaint is not WFH, it’s ’not Speaking all day’. If she is in the office 3 days per week and doesn’t speak to a single person on those days, it’s not a location issue.

I’m happier working from home but have to drag my arse into the office a few times a week just to sit there in silence all by myself.

My team is scattered around the world, I find it pointless to go in and sit alone but it is what it is.

I agree. It is very handy but I think you have to make a deliberate effort to get out and about and meet people to balance it. I'm in a remote job and have to be very proactive about arranging to meet friends and go out to hobbies or else it all starts to feel like Covid all over again. It is very easy but I think it's not good for my mental health to not have more in person interactions.

But why aren’t you forging relationships online? I have had some kind of working from home for twenty years and in that time I formed relationships with people. So I could ring them up and have a chat about non work related things, we’d have a laugh in meetings and have one another’s back when needed. Could it be a you problem rather than a remote working problem?

I don’t think it’s great for the workforce generally to all be sat at home in isolation. But there’s no going back now - many companies have given up office space and they’ve been turned into flats.

It took me a long time to get used to WFH full time but now I’m much more inclined to call someone if I need something that’s more than just a quick query. I actually feel really connected.

Nah. Full time wfh here. Happiest I’ve ever been in my
life.

I changed jobs since the pandemic and it is extremely hard to build new relationships with colleagues when you barely ever see them. I schlep to the office but due to hot desking am rarely sat with anyone in my team - we’re scattered all over - and often talk to absolutely no one all day. It’s very lonely.

Who are you to tell people what is and isn't good for their mental health?

@Jijithecat (I'm not working from home today, it's my day off) but its not unusual to have short periods of time where you are just waiting for things to load (updates/reports/zip files) and its best just stare at the laptop for 5/10 minutes without touching anything...

I'm hybrid at the moment which is the best of both worlds, but I find I am less tired at the end of the day on wfh days (I don't like the lights in the office and it's often a bit chilly, plus at home I stretch my legs regularly and I feel a bit going to make a million teas in the office)

I’m a remote worker and love it! I do get that for some people you feel detached but im almost 5 years in now so totally used to it. Our head office, and indeed only office is around a 4 hour drive away from me. I am in a small team of remote workers and we are all quite close to be honest - regularly call each other for chats in general and support each other closely work wise. I know they have my back!

Personally for me office life just doesn’t do my mental health any good. I’ve never had a good ‘office team’ experience. Always a lot of bitchy women and cliques and I’ve never quite fit into them. I left my last job because when they tried to get us to go back into the office post Covid I sat on a teams meeting, looked at everyone I worked with and realised I didn’t actually like a single one of them - in fact some had made my work life very difficult

I’m self motivated but do not react well to being micro managed, monitored or having a manager time how long I spend having lunch! In fact, I regularly have a midday gym session, and can pick kids up from school or do other errands during the day since I can choose to flexi work and do my work or admin in the evening - and my work know about all of this and it’s fully supported by them. They know they have happy staff and all targets are met - winner winner for them - zero staff turnover. So for me, remote working is the way forward. My mental health has literally never been as good as it is now.

I know what you mean in a way, but the commute coupled with work life balance is very difficult. On a good run, my commute is 1 hour each way, including a 30 min walk. It's exhausting and we have stuff on 3 evenings a week and I want to see friends occasionally and excercise. I couldn't sustain 5 days in an office doing that around various chronic illness issues (which are not uncommon 35+)

But as it is, I find very few friends are made in the current hybrid situation. As an observation, women less so than men. I have never been for lunch with anyone in 6 years and I never see other women going together (or just going to sit in break areas together) either. I know people are juggling, but I genuinely think many aren't that interested. It is lonlier in the office sometimes than at home.

The other big thing is the tendancy to recruit all over the place. You can't say that in person contact is essential and never pay for the travel for people to meet each other, even once a year. It is either important or it isn't. There are people who work 40-50 miles away who I'm resigned to being quite good work friends via teams but will probably never meet in person which is a shame.

Don't.

Some people like it much more than the office and it suits them in the way that being in the office suits you.

Don't feel sorry for people for being able to work when in office would not have worked for them, or for being different to you.