AIBU To Think Remote Work Isn't Sustainable?

[HighlandsExpat]

I work a very stable, secure 9-5 corporate job. I have been in this role for 1.5 years. I work in the office three days a week but my team is in another city so I don't see them in person.

I realized today I often go the entire workday without speaking! Which is probably good for my facial wrinkles but actually detrimental to my mental health. I am social outside of work and feel happy with my life and friends, but do feel like my job is incredibly lonely and isolating. Which is odd because I just got a promotion and am taking on lots of responsibilities, but hasn't translated into actually meeting new people or even having to speak more. I send a lot of emails and am chatting on MS Teams all day. I know we aren't pre-pandemic when it was five days a week and you would sort of naturally form relationships at work, but I cannot imagine being in this job in a few years.

AIBU to think this isn't sustainable? Do others feel this way sometimes? All of this is triggered because an old colleague emailed to wish me happy birthday and organized a virtual coffee chat. It made me a bit sad because I haven't had one of those (coffee with a colleague) since I left my old job.

I agree. Best of both worlds.

Go back 50 years and many of these services were actually done by people working from home, while others had a minimal commute.

The local doctor had a surgery in his front room. The local policeman lived in a house in the village or on the housing estate - a house paid for by the police force and often with a small office attached. The school was run by a head who lived on site, as did the caretaker and sometimes some of the teachers.

Then things got bigger, centralised, rationalised - all in the name of cost savings and economies of scale. So now people travel miles to see a doctor or to get to school. The police work from a big building next to the motorway but miles away from the local communities that they are supposed to be serving. The staff likewise have to travel miles to get to work, wasting hours commuting every day.

For what it's worth, I now live in a country where the local fire brigade is staffed entirely by volunteers. They work their normal, local jobs and are called in if there is an incident. Far from the country ceasing to exist, this arrangement is common in much of Europe, including Germany, and actually helps to bind the community together.

I have been wfh for over 10yrs as I work with mainly US colleagues and this allows me to be flexible with my hours to fit around meetings. I find remote working to be useful to get the best candidates without being limited by location. I know one company before covid that made a lot of their wfh redundant and insisted on office based and in only one location and within 2yrs they had changed back to remote as they couldn’t find enough good candidates when they put such location restrictions on their
recruitment.
I personally love working from home as it gives me flexibility with my family whilst still meeting or exceeding my work targets. I think it depends on your personality if wfh suits you.

It’s not sustainable for you.. that doesn’t mean that remote working in itself is unsustainable. You could always look for a different job, ask to go into your own office full time, go to one of those work space hot desk offices on your home days instead? I’m also confused that you say you don’t talk all day but also say you chat away on Teams?
Personally, I would burn out very quickly and be awful at my job too if I had colleagues talking in my face and Teams pinging away, had to waste time and money on a commute, etc, every single day. I think remote working is fantastic for many of us, but if it doesn’t suit you, change, rather than try to take it off everyone else!

Because Nigel Farage talked about it earlier this week, some people are responding with a reaction to that in mind.
In truth, being totally isolated isn't generally as good for a person's mental health. Working from home is very convenient, I do it, and it of course opens up avenues to people, such as living rurally whilst working in a role that might previously have to be done in person in a town/city.
I now work hybrid after a few years of working solely from home, and I find the two days in the office, touching base with colleagues, even after a commute, worthwhile.
I also agree with a pp that for some in the younger generation, working from home without knowing and dealing with regular in-person work and the social interactions that entails means they lose out.

If you can’t go in there for most of the day, it sounds like you work from home too?

I’ve been wfh since 2008 in corporate jobs across 4 different companies. I have lots of meetings and would consider many of my colleagues “friends” despite not meeting in person. We chat about home lives, share holiday photos, complain about our kids etc.. as you would do with any colleague. Some of these folks I’ve worked with across more than one company and for nearly 10 years now. Try calling instead of Teams chat!

Working remotely is the main thing that is helping my family manage two full time working adults and childcare for two kids, one with SEN. No family around. I understand the social isolation you might be feeling but if remote working isn’t for you then change your job or make extra efforts to connect with your colleagues socially. My autistic colleague has thrived on being fully remote as she was previously struggling with noise and bulshit corporate small talk which was draining her. It might not be sustainable for you but it’s actually a lifeline for many others.

So ring someone. Often a quick call is easier than typing back and forth plus you get more human connection and build relationships.

I’m the same OP, I’ve never liked working from home and remote working. It’s not healthy! I live on my own and have had a lot happen in my personal life in the last few years so it’s been even worse for me.

I try to go into the office regularly but nobody else is there so there’s no benefit. I’m still new in my job and it’s so impossible to learn just sat on your own at home.

If you don’t like wfh it’s not as simple as “find another job” - wfh is the norm now it seems. I’ve job hopped quite a few times in the last few years trying to find a job with people in the office / mandated office days but it doesn’t exist.

I was grumbling to my husband yesterday about finding myself in a situation that keeps happening to me at work.

Basically I go to a lot of effort to introduce myself to people around the organisation, create a lot of "ins" to support my work. Then some issue arises between two parties I have an "in" with, and I end up mediating.

That hasn't changed one bit in spite of it being a much larger organisation with me almost 100% remote. I am still the person being hauled into a private room to hear the other side of the story.

I have put some thought into making myself known and approachable, but the dynamics are just the same.

I started a WFH job around 12 months ago following 20 years in a shift based role in a very large dept where i had lots of friends and spoke to people the full 12 hours i was there. I had no choice the move was for health reasons. It took a bit of effort, but i have some reallly, really good solid friendships now. Rather than reaching out for advice in the main group, id reach out to people individiually, folow it up with a thanks, hows your day going? see if the wanted the conversation. Some did, some didnt. The ones who did we will call and rant, call and laugh, just call for life up dates. The ones who didnt i will still randomly drop messages to them if it sounds like they are having a bad day, or they have shared something in the main group. Its definitely harder, but entirely possible to form friendships within work even if its 100% from home.

I find it detrimental to my mental health dragging myself into an office 3 times a week where I barely see anyone I know. My team aren’t in my specific office so I rarely see anyone on my team anyway.
Plus I’ve been working hybrid for many years, not just since Covid where suddenly it’s become an issue and we’re all suddenly skivers.

Ah, another WFH-bashing thread.

To everyone saying how isolating remote working is: do you never work & build relationships with international colleagues? Because it’s entirely normal for me to book in a coffee & catch up with someone I work with, just like I would in the office. You have to if you’re going to build solid working relationships with colleagues overseas. I worked so closely with one colleague we joked how wild it was we’d never met. Wouldn’t think twice to working through a shared project on a teams call just like in the office. I think if you’re trying to work in isolation, then you’ll find it isolating. But if you actually partner with your peers & colleagues you’ll find none of this loneliness is really a thing.

I think it's six and two threes. I loved it when DD was little and there was CONSTANT talking all the time on her terms - it was bliss to just do one thing at a time, quietly, at my own pace. Now she's older and shut in her room all the time, I am finding it more isolating. I am much better at my job and a lot more efficient, though. I have ADHD and find distractions incredibly difficult to shut out, even when they are normal office level and unintentional.

I personally didn't feel the relationships in the office were a net gain. They were more socially draining because of work boundaries, but not rewarding the way a true relationship with actual social opportunities is. I don't know how much of that is just having to fake normal at work, though. I much prefer just being evaluated on my paid for performance without my social barriers colouring people's opinions of me and I can save my social batteries for people I choose to socialise with.

Since COVID I've had a go at all three - fully remote, hybrid and fully onsite. Being in the office 98% of the time has definitely made me happier. I work better, move around more, engage in more non-work-related chat and laughter. My relationships with colleagues are stronger. I snack less. And the cycle commute keeps me fit and is pleasant (when it's not raining!)

I know it's not for everyone, but I feel a bit sorry for people who have to be fully remote due to their circumstances.

If you don’t enjoy it there are many roles where you have to be in an office every day.

Free up the hybrid roles for those who want to work hybrid or wfh.

I like working from home, I go into the office 1 day a week and its so loud

My entire team are remote (and have been since pre pandemic) and I make sure there are regular opportunities for people to come together - for both work and social purposes. Those who want that contact really embrace it, those who dont want it (i have a high % of ND team members) are also happy. I tailor things to ensure everyone has the in person contact they want and need. Because of the nature of the role, we also debrief by phone at the end of the working day and I also have regular 1:1 meetings either by Teams or in person, depending on people's preferences.

In short, remote working works well (and is sustainable) if its managed well.

Sustainable for whom? For the employer it will be sustainable as long as the work gets done and unless it can get done more effectively in person.

Some roles are perfectly suited to being remote. I'm in a professional role where we bill our clients for our time and almost always have just one person on each project. It's nice to go into the office and see people but ultimately my core job needs just me to get my head down and do the work alone, as my company can't charge for internal meetings/catch ups with colleagues.

That's not for everyone but that doesn't mean it's not sustainable as a role. Remote working has actually been a godsend for those with caring responsibilities in our profession (in the vast majority of cases, women). Rather than spending 3 odd hours on the commute each day and having to scramble to make drop offs and pick ups, that time can go directly into work. There's no longer such a gulf in terms of the time available to those who have such responsibilities and those who don't.

Surely it’s horses for courses. Some people love the buzziness of an office and others prefer hybrid or wfh. My last company wanted me back f/t in the office after being hybrid for 3+ years. I managed to negotiate 1 day at home (loads of reasons why, one being medical issues which they knew about). I left within the year.
Hybrid is best of both worlds imho, it was good to have the connection a couple of days ago week, then a relief being at home. I def had fewer sick days as sometimes I wouldn’t feel well enough to go in but ok to sit at my desk at home.

Are you in the UK, OP? I notice your Americanised spellings.

Wherever you are, if your current job isn’t meeting all of your needs, the obvious solution is to find another one which suits you better.

I was surprised by Farage’s press conference on this (on a Monday afternoon filled with people clearly not in their workplace), as it seems very nanny state and also massively hypocritical. I’d love to know how Richard Tice’s commute from Dubai to Skegness works.

I haven't read all the comments.

No I dont think it is either. But people are different.

I work hybrid. 1 day in the office with whole team and I carry out client visits too. We have an office we can pop into but it's 45 mins away.

I wouldn't work 45 mins away if I was based in the office ft

I like doing 1 day from home - like a catch up on paperwork treat day but anymore than that and I'm bored out of my mind.

I really miss talking to colleagues and my in office day is my favourite.

People weren't built to sit at home and communicate via teams. If we weren't 'forced' to go into the office a couple of years back i would have left my job. Its awful.

Don't you just love people who lecture others on what's best for their mental health?

If YOU don't find WFH works for you, then fill your boots and go into the office 5 days a week.

Me? I get my social interaction from family and friends and don't need to converse or socialise with work colleagues, in whom, I probably wouldn't be people I'd choose to have in my life (nice as they are), but for the fact that I am forced into a world where we have to interact, because we were all hired by the company.