AIBU To Think Remote Work Isn't Sustainable?

[HighlandsExpat]

I work a very stable, secure 9-5 corporate job. I have been in this role for 1.5 years. I work in the office three days a week but my team is in another city so I don't see them in person.

I realized today I often go the entire workday without speaking! Which is probably good for my facial wrinkles but actually detrimental to my mental health. I am social outside of work and feel happy with my life and friends, but do feel like my job is incredibly lonely and isolating. Which is odd because I just got a promotion and am taking on lots of responsibilities, but hasn't translated into actually meeting new people or even having to speak more. I send a lot of emails and am chatting on MS Teams all day. I know we aren't pre-pandemic when it was five days a week and you would sort of naturally form relationships at work, but I cannot imagine being in this job in a few years.

AIBU to think this isn't sustainable? Do others feel this way sometimes? All of this is triggered because an old colleague emailed to wish me happy birthday and organized a virtual coffee chat. It made me a bit sad because I haven't had one of those (coffee with a colleague) since I left my old job.

I work remotely 4 days a week and spend most of that time talking in meetings, my job has minimal admin attached to it. Depends entirely on the job surely

You seem to think people WFH are chilling all day! 😂 My DH is a doctor and had surgery recently which needed him to rest for 6 weeks. I work almost entirely from home except for 1 office day a month. He too was absolutely amazed at how stacked my calendar was with meetings and how I rarely even got a chance to eat lunch. He said he preferred his job which even though busy still allowed him to have coffee breaks and lunch more days and was overall less full on. And he is a hospital doc so quite busy. I agree there might be some people who WFH and do nothing but those are the same people who sit in office, go on endless smoke breaks, coffee, loo breaks or just spend time chatting with colleagues and calling networking etc.

I go into the office every day for this reason. I want to see real people, leave the house every day, it’s better for my mental health. Remote working might suit working mums, but it’s also really hard for young people growing the workforce like this.

I've worked from home since we were sent home in 2020. I speak to people constantly, I would rather have more quiet, uninterrupted working time.

I think it depends on your organisation. We are very present all the time, to the extent that I'm far more cautious about going to the loo or getting a drink than I was in the office, we are in a big group chat, so online starts is always in our eye lines.

We are now in the office 1 day every week. Buildings have been decommissioned, there is not the capacity for everyone to be in the office every day.

Working from home is good for families. I can start as soon as the DC have gone off to school by 8, when I finish at 5/5.30 I get on with walking the dog and cooking.

Having a dog would no longer be feasible for me if I was not WFH. My DC are secondary school age with some additional needs. It would be very difficult for them (and me) without the reassurance of a parent/adult in the house when they get home. I'm not doing any active parenting (before anyone takes issue), but I am there and can take a break (approved and recorded) if something comes up.

When I was in the office when they were younger, I had childcare in place, that provision is not available for teenagers. I feel like it is benefitting my DC enormously to have 2 income household and a parent at home. It is great for stability in families and a safeguard against development of anti-social behaviour. Very different to my own teenage years.

My mum can drop my Dad (with Dementia)round to watch TV in my house if she has an appointment and know that there is someone in the house.

It is really good for my spouse too. I just wish it was the other way round.

I understand WFH does not suit everyone, but demonisation of WFH generally is anti family and anti society.

Then go back to the office? Just because its not suitable for you doesnt mean it isnt for others. Many disabled work from home.

She’s not complaining about working from home though is she? She’s in office 3 days a week. OP is complaining because she doesn’t speak to anyone all day, when completing work tasks or for coffee breaks! That’s not a location issue!

I could not sustain a full time job and take care of two young children without the flexibility that WFH provides. I also manage a large team and have lots of work meetings so spend most of my time talking to people and co-ordinating between people to get work done. Most mums I know with primary school aged children do not work full time as it is a hard slog trying to do it all. Just not having the daily commute gives me time to food prep, exercise etc. If I had to go in every day I would not be able to sustain this without it having adverse impact on my physical and mental health.
WFH does not suit everyone and if it is not for you then you should look for a hybrid or full office role.

I don't like WFH for women with families, as they often end up working and doing childcare. Good for no one.

As for talking to collegues, mine are nice enough, but I'd rather be at home, reading or napping in the breaks.

And there's no cats at work.

I wfh and go into the office once a month.

Honestly yes i am lonely. But it means i can finish on time for school pick up so the flexibility with my young kids is ideal.

I think a factor in remote working is finding good candidates for jobs and being able to look further afield from the office. People are being priced out of some areas and therefore can’t afford to live near the office base. So it can be a good advantage for the business.

This is silly. Of course lots of jobs can't be done at home (though many HCPs work from.home for telephone consultation work). If you choose to be a nurse or plumber or bus driver you know.kt won't be home.workkng.
Many people would hate to work from home (especially if living in a shared house or have kids who are at home or come home from.
school.

As with the Reform local councils Nige will soon discover that renting office space to accomodate all these WFH returners costs money!

How odd, maybe its just where you work. I only go in 2/3 x a month and my office days are back to back with in person meetings, coffees, lunches etc. I mean of course I do organise it to be like that, although there is also always impromptu catch ups as well. I dont really encourage out of office friendships as my life is too full already, but Im sure if I were younger and wanted to I could. I think this might be a 'you' problem.

It’s the subject of your thread more than the content. Your thread title suggests you’re talking about it in the general sense / applicable to all. In the body of your OP it’s clear remote working isn’t right for you 100% of the time. You posted in AIBU, you can’t expect everyone to agree.

I feel similar. This isnt about working from home, it's the losing contact with people and not building personal relationships. I often talk to people more on teams now, in and out of teams calls, but I rarely get to see them in person. I go into my office but would never see anyone from my team. Whilst we have surface chats on team I feel that you never get to know someone as well as you would by face-to-face conversation.

I do feel for the younger generation. My colleague feels the same and mentioned that younger people wouldn't pick up how to talk to people on the phone because they aren't listening into others making calls. It's also harder to get to know others in the wider organisation

Of course it's horse for courses amd it works well for some. For me, I'm like you OP. I started a fully remote role recently and have been shocked at how isolated and lonely I now feel. I hate it. I love the fact that it means I am at home for my kids after school, but for me and my mental health it's been terrible. I need to find something else or figure out how to deal with the isolation. No option to go into the office - the company is 100% remote.

I work remotely with team days in person every 2-3 months. We are a home based team working across multiple time zones. Unless you have a role that has to be in person (80% of the client delivery teams) then you are home-based because it’s cheaper for the business. We have various staff network groups that have regular virtual catch ups on different topics.

most days I have 3-4 hours of teams meetings (including virtual coffees sometimes) and multiple teams chats and workspaces. There are people I’m friendly with who I’ve never met in person. I’ve been there 18 months

i work so much better this way than when I was dashing around on-site, working in open plan offices but still having teams meetings because some people are all over the country

my husband is 100% wfh. He’s a specialist contractor across the public sector and it would be vastly more expensive for his clients if he had to travel to them. He spends 6+ hours a day on teams calls. He has regular virtual coffees with his professional networking groups

It’s very role-dependent, company dependent and connected with your personal approach.

I do agree with the points about younger people though. I loved working in the office when i was younger. It has only suited me more after becoming a parent.

I know graduates left my previous company because they were lonely wfh.

I also depended on office working when i previously moved down the country for a new job and didn’t know anyone. It helped me make friends and meet my eventual DH.

So it does depend on your individual situation.

It sounds like for you it's not sustainable to stay in this job because you need the contact and the chat. That's fine. It's something you need to change to make sure your life is how you want it.

Remote working in general, which is how you've positioned it, is absolutely sustainable. That's what people are answering.

Also says they chat on Teams all day.

If the rest of OP’s team are located in another office, maybe OP is the one working remotely: i.e. wouldn’t have been able to get the job if office-based, as it’d be in that location.

OP, suggest you speak to your line manager about feeling isolated from your team. You could maybe suggest setting up virtual coffee breaks with team members. Also, try to get to know people in the office you work in and taking breaks and lunch with them?

And maybe start looking for another job where most of the team is in the same office.

Remote working is hugely environmentally sustainable as it saves on travel energy, pollution, safer roads etc. It’s also sustainable because it allows people more job opportunities, regardless of where they live, or whether they have mobility problems or otherwise disabled. And people are more likely to work if a bit unwell because they don’t have to travel or risk infecting others. Also allows carers to more easily juggle work with their responsibilities etc.

But it’s obvs not for everyone. Like all jobs, you have to find one that suits you.

If you don't want a WFH job then get another job that requires you to be in the office more. Don't ruin WFH for those of us that enjoy it! Me personally I would love to be full time WFH, I don't have a commute, get to spend the day with my partner if she's WFH and my dogs, I still chat to people on the phone and teams if I need to and am social with actual friends outside of work. If WFH doesn't suit you then change jobs, I don't think people who choose hybrid or WFH jobs should be making a fuss and ruining it for those who prefer it!

But in this scenario, it's absolutely a choice that OP can make without fear of the country collapsing. She's not enjoying being fully remote from her team in a role she doesn't need lots of meetings for. So she can change that to a more in person type role.

Are you in a position to switch things up a bit? Can you have Teams meetings instead of written chat? We have 'huddles' which are part business, part checking in on how everyone is. These were started in COVID when people were mostly WFH. We are now hybrid, with most people WFH once or twice a week, but are an opportunity for people to come together across sites

Personally my preference is WFH mostly. I'd love to only need to go in a couple of times a month. However I recognise that for my work, some stuff works much better in person, either formal meetings or incidental conversations e.g. 'can I just ask...' which they wouldn't message to ask.

I think lots of people 30+ are happier WFH but I really feel for people in their 20s as my whole 20s was after work drinks and I made a lot of my adult friends at work. It’s making young people even more isolated than they were

@HighlandsExpat this is good advice.

In my team I see half of them once a week or so in the office, the other half two to three times a year as they're remote. We have a weekly full team catch up that's mostly work related and a monthly smaller catch up where we just "connect".

Swap your typed Teams chats for an actual chat over Teams.

Your working style is causing your problem. Not the fact your team is in another location.