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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the most shocking thing about James VDB's death is...

256 replies

Hitthebestbooth · 12/02/2026 08:39

...that a famous actor, recognised worldwide for his role in Dawson's Creek (putting this in the first lines for the benefit of MNetters who love to comment 'who??' on these threads) struggled to pay for his cancer treatment? His death has left his family 'out of funds'.

Now, James Van der Beek had enough fame and affection from fans that a Go Fund Me has raised a lot to support his family already. But there must be countless families across America who are ruined by medical bills - if Dawson couldn't pay for his cancer treatment, how do non-famous people in ordinary jobs cope? What do their families do after they've been crippled by the costs and still lose their loved one along with their homes and security for their children?

As a millennial, I was so sad to read of James' death. I loved Dawson's Creek. But it makes me very afraid for a future where Farage gets his hands on the NHS and we find ourselves in this position too. I have plenty of bad experiences with our healthcare system and am not saying it's perfect. But if I or my husband are diagnosed with cancer tomorrow, we won't have to sell our possessions or ask friends and family for money or risk leaving our kids with no home after treatment costs. There are plenty of wealthy people out there eager to take the NHS apart and sell it off, and for all people say we'd get a European system and it would be improved, it seems far more likely that capitalist greed will win out and we'll actually get an American model.

James Van der Beek's death highlights just how ruinous that model is. He spent his illness selling off memorabilia and trying to raise money. He died knowing his family's finances were left decimated. And he was someone with more resources than most. It's a sobering indictment of how bad things can get, and I am truly afraid that a Reform government would put us all in that dystopian scenario.

There are all kinds of options I could put for a poll but I'm just trying to make it really simple.

YABU - US healthcare is fine
YANBU - US healthcare is a terrifying prospect

OP posts:
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trappedCatAsleepOnMe · 12/02/2026 12:54

The US model of health care in notriously poor worldwide and know for bankrupting ordinary people.

In fact latest biggest problem they now face is acceleration in already rapid closing of more rural hospitals and limits on what ones left offer - ie manternity care often going. There system is competely fucked up in so many ways.

NHS - is has many thing going for it - but also has many problems - it a mix of best and worse care worldwide and as population ages costs keep going up. I suspect some other part insurance/part state system may come in over time - there are many counrteis with variations of this though many of them also face huge challenges from agimg population but many have better outcomes than NHS.

NHS and US system are both at extreme of health care systems avaliable and there are many other countries with other options out there - all with the own issues and benefits.

Hitthebestbooth · 12/02/2026 12:55

InBedBy10 · 12/02/2026 12:29

YANBU about the US health system. But YAVU about James financial situation.

Fame doesn't equal money. Not all famous people are multi-millionairs. Dawsons Creek was nearly 30 years ago. I don't want to speak badly of James Van Der Beek but he was hardly mega movie star.

That's absolutely true, but he had access to resources most people don't. He was able to go on the Masked Singer last year, that would have been a decent fee. He was able to do some sponsored content on his Instagram page which would have brought in more given the number of followers he had. He had celebrity connections and the cast of DC held a fundraiser for his treatment in New York last year. He had TV and film memorabilia to sell. He had more options than most cancer sufferers to generate extra cash, but it still wasn't enough.

It's not that I think he was a multimillionaire, more that he had a high enough profile for his case to shine a light on the enormous cost of healthcare in the US, which I think is pretty scary to contemplate.

OP posts:
Ileithyia · 12/02/2026 12:56

This is why we have to not let Reform etc get into power and sell off our NHS

EstoyRobandoSuCasa · 12/02/2026 12:57

Lucia573 · 12/02/2026 12:18

I think the ideal would be a mixture of means assessment; private insurance; employer contributions; government contributions.

That would involve a huge amount of admin.

Hitthebestbooth · 12/02/2026 12:57

Magicpaintbrush · 12/02/2026 12:47

My DH has stage 4 bowel cancer and literally yesterday we were informed that he has "less than six months to live". It's like a black abyss opening up in front of you.

We have done our best to mitigate financial problems with life insurance, and have put me on his bank account as a joint account holder, applied for power of attorney, there will be a modest widows pension - but the truth is that even now, having kept on top of all those financial elements as best we can, we still don't know exactly what those numbers are going to look like when the time comes, or how long everything will take to settle down, or whether I will be left with a monthly shortfall. And all of this has to be sorted out while you are grieving, while you are suffering indescribable emotional pain - how do you do that? I think that if we had had to find money for treatment on top of all of this, well there is just no way. No way at all. We would have had to sell our home probably to do that, we don't have money to spare. I find it horrifying that the US system destroys families financially when they are struggling to cope with cancer treatment, it is completely inhumane. The whole process is hell on earth already without being financially ruined as well. We cannot and must not allow Farage to do this to our country.

I am so, so sorry for your situation.

OP posts:
nomas · 12/02/2026 12:58

Untailored · 12/02/2026 12:52

I wouldn’t assume that just because someone is famous that they are rich. He was in a TV show that ran for 5 years over 20 years ago. He’s not done much since then so essentially an out of work actor with six kids to support.

Edited

But still have a mansion worth millions.

museumum · 12/02/2026 12:59

I have been self employed for 14 years in a job I love that benefits society snd earns me a median wage. It would just not be possible in the US as I couldn’t find private health insurance without an employer. It makes me so sad. Everyone should not be forced to work for big employers who have access to large scale benefits packages.

Hitthebestbooth · 12/02/2026 13:00

Grammarnut · 12/02/2026 11:58

It's obvious from things Farage has said that the US model is the one he intends for the NHS. This was what Thatcher intended as well, and amazingly was stopped by Tories (who knew it was the vote loser of all time). But privatization is what many want. They see no value in a healthy population that has the health care it needs and a public health system (this is different from the NHS btw) that works to keep water clean etc. We vote Reform at our peril.

Yes, anyone who thinks it isn't Farage's plan is delusional or lying.

OP posts:
shhblackbag · 12/02/2026 13:01

Instructions · 12/02/2026 12:33

The shocking thing for me is that people are willing to donate millions to this family who are not on the breadline and could sell the huge house and buy a modest one, leave the private schools and attend public ones, etc, but will happily step over the bodies of homeless destitute people discharged by hospitals to the streets.

Mindboggling, yes.

Kirbert2 · 12/02/2026 13:05

Driftingawaynow · 12/02/2026 12:00

I’m currently navigating cancer treatment on the NHS, so sick of people saying how bad it is, the care I have received has been incredible

Yep.

My son was in hospital for 10 months until early 2025 which included 3 months of chemotherapy and 7 weeks in intensive care due to complications from cancer.

He received outstanding care on the NHS. He lived against all of the odds thanks to them.

Hitthebestbooth · 12/02/2026 13:07

I'm finding the posts picking apart the number of children he had and how much his house was worth not only unpleasant but also just wildly off the point. Whatever his net worth, whatever his family circumstances, his death is one we know about because of his fame and it's an example of how medical bills in the US ruin people. The point is not for people to say awful things about this particular man, because I'm talking about millions of people. He's one example of many. Other posters have supplied stats on the number of bankruptcies and homelessness caused by unmanageable medical bills. Whatever someone's opinion is of James VDB or his wife, the point is that an American healthcare system cripples people and drives them into horrific debt and we should all think very carefully when we next vote that this is not a future we usher in for ourselves.

OP posts:
TempestTost · 12/02/2026 13:08

I haven't heard anyone, including Farage, talk about having American style health care.

As for the American system, it's very mixed. There is a time when I'd have said that the system where I live in Canada is much better, but I am not so sure now. Our waits for things like knee replacements are years long, hundreds of thousands of people have no family doctor or even NP, and there are people dying in ERs without being seen.

There are people who slip through the cracks in the US, and it isn't a great system, for them, and is an expensive system - but most people do have insurance through their work and those who are poor have state insurance. Sometimes I think things can be a little exaggerated about the horrors of their system compared to others.

It's also worth remembering that even in places like Canada and the UK there are expenses associated with being ill that may not be covered and are very costly, like travel.

SnoopyPajamas · 12/02/2026 13:10

Hitthebestbooth · 12/02/2026 09:04

But I don't think we're getting that. Farage has close links to the Republican party and US health insurance companies will reward him handsomely for handing over the NHS. The man is a greedy, corrupt moral vacuum and will do it in a heartbeat. There will be no European system - he'll sell the NHS to American insurers.

The American system is barbaric, but Americans accept it because it's all they've ever known. They think it's just the way the world works. Even with that, it's becoming more and more of a political issue. It's much more widely talked about then it used to be, despite efforts to shut the conversation down by branding it all socialist propaganda.

There is a real groundswell of anger building up, which was most evident in the reactions to health insurance mogul Brian Thompson being shot dead in the street in 2024. People were pleased that he died. They laughed. They celebrated it. They wanted to see him and his ilk fear for their lives. I suspect a majority felt this way, even if they were smart enough not to say so out loud. Even if they wouldn't have picked up the gun themselves, they were still satisfied at the outcome - which is a major shift, and a dangerous one. I doubt this shooting will be the last instance of such violence in America.

Because the blueprint has been established now, for how to do this effectively. How to get the public on side. You don't go crazy and shoot up your local insurance office full of ordinary people doing their jobs. No. You do a surgical strike against the people at the top making millions off all that misery. Then much of the public stays on your side, and a significant portion of them will turn out to support you. Last I heard, Mangione's trial was scheduled for June? I'm sure this conversation will come roaring back to life in the American consciousness as the date draws nearer. They've taken the death penalty off the table, but it's difficult to see any outcome that doesn't pour more fuel on the fire of all this. And for many, the lesson will have already been learned, and the example set. As with mass shootings, imitators are almost guaranteed. It's not a case of if this will happen again, but when, and what the consequences will be.

Now, to the UK.

Farage is already considered by much of his original voter base to be someone who sold out their values and let the party become Tory-lite. The middle class podcast sphere likes to talk about Farage as if he's an immensely talented politician, with some sort of aura of charisma. He really isn't. He's a froggy little man with the soul of a Tory, and the party eventually morphing into the Conservatives under a new name was an obvious possibility, right from the start of all this. I don't believe most people voted Farage because they loved the man himself. (Despite the attempts on both sides to pretend he's got a cult of personality akin to Donald Trump.) He may not realise it, but he was only ever a tool for people to express their anger at the system.

The disaffected working class who carried Farage through Brexit have already begun to turn on him. He's shown his true colours, and they don't want another toff selling them out, and watering down his promises. Many have already ditched him for Advance, or Tommy Robinson. Or they're starting to believe politics only serves the rich, and can no longer be an effective way for them to get anything they want out of life. These days, when I hear worried conversations about the possibility of Reform getting in in the next election, the fear is not that the working class will vote them in. It's that a disaffected middle class will. That says everything about the current position of the party.

Anyway. In the scenario you're imagining, Farage gets in, and then he guts the NHS and brings in an American style healthcare system, where the cost of care brings ordinary Britons to their knees. Don't get me wrong - I don't disagree that he's greedy and venal enough to want that, or even arrogant enough to try it. I just think you can only push people so far. The healthcare model Americans have is all they've ever known, and their country's history means "socialist healthcare is Communism in disguise!" is still effective to this day in shutting down debate. But generations of Brits have grown up with the NHS, and McCarthyite taboos hold no power here. People won't just roll over on something that affects their lives in such a real way. There will be a fight. Not for the ideal of the NHS, but the actual reality of it. It will get ugly.

Historically, Britain is seen as quite a docile country. We're not seen as a country of revolution and uprisings. But any student of history will know this isn't quite true. Things can get as bloody on these shores as anywhere else, if the right conditions are in place. And if Farage was to get into government under the premise that Reform is the last chance democracy has of working for the people . . . and then he shits all over the poor and the working class and the lower middle class, the same way Tory and Labour have done . . . and then he takes away the NHS?

It ends with his head on a pike.

nomas · 12/02/2026 13:11

Hitthebestbooth · 12/02/2026 13:00

Yes, anyone who thinks it isn't Farage's plan is delusional or lying.

The problem is whichever party initiates privatisation, the successor party will follow through on, because they will just blame the initiating party,

Alltheyellowbirds · 12/02/2026 13:12

Ginmonkeyagain · 12/02/2026 08:47

It is shocking. One of my favourite things about Angela Landsbury is she used to create guest roles for older and out of work actors on Murder She Wrote so their medical insurance continued to be valid.

I didn’t know that. How lovely.

PensionMention · 12/02/2026 13:12

@PropertyD I agree people are selfish when something is free. My GP surgery has a list of all the GP, nurse and blood taking appointments that get missed per month and how much it costs. Now I’m sure that a few had a genuine emergency but most won’t.

I am at genetic risk of type 2 diabetes it runs in my family, all of my older siblings developed it, my Mother managed to not develop it. The difference is both her and I made and make a huge effort to eat sensibly. Her Father died from diabetes but this was a long time ago before treatments were so good, he had been a PT instructor in the army and was very fit. My older siblings did no such thing and all became obese. My brother died from complications with his diabetes. As much as it’s hard to admit he was a really selfish person who did nothing at all to help himself and died in his sixties leaving a widow who was only in her fifties and two kids who were early twenties, he never met his grandchildren.

I am bored of people not taking responsibility for themselves.

nomas · 12/02/2026 13:14

Hitthebestbooth · 12/02/2026 13:07

I'm finding the posts picking apart the number of children he had and how much his house was worth not only unpleasant but also just wildly off the point. Whatever his net worth, whatever his family circumstances, his death is one we know about because of his fame and it's an example of how medical bills in the US ruin people. The point is not for people to say awful things about this particular man, because I'm talking about millions of people. He's one example of many. Other posters have supplied stats on the number of bankruptcies and homelessness caused by unmanageable medical bills. Whatever someone's opinion is of James VDB or his wife, the point is that an American healthcare system cripples people and drives them into horrific debt and we should all think very carefully when we next vote that this is not a future we usher in for ourselves.

I don't think anyone would have commented if the family weren't leaning on fans, many of whom are poor, for money to put their kids through private school.

poetryandwine · 12/02/2026 13:14

But, @TempestTost, I have heard Farage talk endlessly about how useless the NHS is, how privatisation is better, etc.

Reform councils across England are privatising services with disastrous effects, running finances into the ground. I think given half a chance Farage would not hesitate to dismantle the NHS to enrich his cronies. The rest of us would be worse off

Tonissister · 12/02/2026 13:14

OP, I thought the same. He was selling memorabilia to pay!

It's impossible to know how he invested the DC money, or if his agent got him a really good deal - some big name actors aren't necessarily earning staggering amounts - it depends on their agent's negotiating skills.

But it shows so clearly how vulnerable people are. If he can't pay, who can?

Hitthebestbooth · 12/02/2026 13:17

SnoopyPajamas · 12/02/2026 13:10

The American system is barbaric, but Americans accept it because it's all they've ever known. They think it's just the way the world works. Even with that, it's becoming more and more of a political issue. It's much more widely talked about then it used to be, despite efforts to shut the conversation down by branding it all socialist propaganda.

There is a real groundswell of anger building up, which was most evident in the reactions to health insurance mogul Brian Thompson being shot dead in the street in 2024. People were pleased that he died. They laughed. They celebrated it. They wanted to see him and his ilk fear for their lives. I suspect a majority felt this way, even if they were smart enough not to say so out loud. Even if they wouldn't have picked up the gun themselves, they were still satisfied at the outcome - which is a major shift, and a dangerous one. I doubt this shooting will be the last instance of such violence in America.

Because the blueprint has been established now, for how to do this effectively. How to get the public on side. You don't go crazy and shoot up your local insurance office full of ordinary people doing their jobs. No. You do a surgical strike against the people at the top making millions off all that misery. Then much of the public stays on your side, and a significant portion of them will turn out to support you. Last I heard, Mangione's trial was scheduled for June? I'm sure this conversation will come roaring back to life in the American consciousness as the date draws nearer. They've taken the death penalty off the table, but it's difficult to see any outcome that doesn't pour more fuel on the fire of all this. And for many, the lesson will have already been learned, and the example set. As with mass shootings, imitators are almost guaranteed. It's not a case of if this will happen again, but when, and what the consequences will be.

Now, to the UK.

Farage is already considered by much of his original voter base to be someone who sold out their values and let the party become Tory-lite. The middle class podcast sphere likes to talk about Farage as if he's an immensely talented politician, with some sort of aura of charisma. He really isn't. He's a froggy little man with the soul of a Tory, and the party eventually morphing into the Conservatives under a new name was an obvious possibility, right from the start of all this. I don't believe most people voted Farage because they loved the man himself. (Despite the attempts on both sides to pretend he's got a cult of personality akin to Donald Trump.) He may not realise it, but he was only ever a tool for people to express their anger at the system.

The disaffected working class who carried Farage through Brexit have already begun to turn on him. He's shown his true colours, and they don't want another toff selling them out, and watering down his promises. Many have already ditched him for Advance, or Tommy Robinson. Or they're starting to believe politics only serves the rich, and can no longer be an effective way for them to get anything they want out of life. These days, when I hear worried conversations about the possibility of Reform getting in in the next election, the fear is not that the working class will vote them in. It's that a disaffected middle class will. That says everything about the current position of the party.

Anyway. In the scenario you're imagining, Farage gets in, and then he guts the NHS and brings in an American style healthcare system, where the cost of care brings ordinary Britons to their knees. Don't get me wrong - I don't disagree that he's greedy and venal enough to want that, or even arrogant enough to try it. I just think you can only push people so far. The healthcare model Americans have is all they've ever known, and their country's history means "socialist healthcare is Communism in disguise!" is still effective to this day in shutting down debate. But generations of Brits have grown up with the NHS, and McCarthyite taboos hold no power here. People won't just roll over on something that affects their lives in such a real way. There will be a fight. Not for the ideal of the NHS, but the actual reality of it. It will get ugly.

Historically, Britain is seen as quite a docile country. We're not seen as a country of revolution and uprisings. But any student of history will know this isn't quite true. Things can get as bloody on these shores as anywhere else, if the right conditions are in place. And if Farage was to get into government under the premise that Reform is the last chance democracy has of working for the people . . . and then he shits all over the poor and the working class and the lower middle class, the same way Tory and Labour have done . . . and then he takes away the NHS?

It ends with his head on a pike.

I would like to take hope from your post -but seeing what's happened with dental care and the water companies in this country makes me worried. People are angry, especially about the water fiasco, but it changes nothing and we all face higher water bills for a much worse service. There are powerful people who stand to make unthinkable amounts of money from our health care system if they get the chance, and Farage wouldn't think twice about letting them and taking his share of the money off to a tax haven to retire.

OP posts:
Hitthebestbooth · 12/02/2026 13:20

nomas · 12/02/2026 13:14

I don't think anyone would have commented if the family weren't leaning on fans, many of whom are poor, for money to put their kids through private school.

Has it been confirmed they're in private school? I know fundraiser is so the family can keep their home and provide continuity of education for the kids. I read that as that if they lose the home they'll have to move somewhere else and therefore leave their existing schools. It doesn't mention school fees?

Either way, it really isn't the point of the thread.

OP posts:
Tonissister · 12/02/2026 13:20

Ginmonkeyagain · 12/02/2026 08:47

It is shocking. One of my favourite things about Angela Landsbury is she used to create guest roles for older and out of work actors on Murder She Wrote so their medical insurance continued to be valid.

I didn't know I could love her more but now I do. What a wonderful woman.

I saw her as Madame Arcati in Blithe Spirit some years ago and she acted everyone else off the stage - she was more phsically energetic than actors half her age.

Autistic DS loved her at the time and waited outside the stage door. She didn't show so we walked away and then he saw her through a car window and pointed. She slowed down the car to wave and smile at him. So sweet.

FlowerUser · 12/02/2026 13:22

Farage is never going to have enough electoral support to win a majority in Parliament.

Worcestershire Council run by Reform is about to raise council tax by the maximum amount when they promised not to.

And he's stuffing Reform with the same old Tories who were in government in the disastrous last 14 years.

The only success he'll have at the next election is the destruction of the Tories.

WanderingWellies · 12/02/2026 13:24

LesserSootyOwl · 12/02/2026 08:57

YANBU to be against the US system, but YABU to think that the NHS is the best alternative. I would support a European model which offers better outcomes than the NHS in its current state.

Prior to 14 years of deliberate underfunding, the NHS offered the best outcomes for £ spent of all healthcare systems. The current state of it doesn’t mean other types of system are better.

ohbygolly · 12/02/2026 13:30

nomas · 12/02/2026 12:49

Some other replies on this thread have me astounded that there is such a lack of care for the welfare of children in society following the death of a parent.

We're not talking about an ordinary family here though, this was a man with a net worth of millions.

The posts I was referring to are the ones calling for people to ensure they have life insurance and take personal responsibility rather than ensuring the Bereavement Support Payment is sufficient to ensure adequate support if families whilst children are under the age of 18.