What things would you reasonably expect family doing childcare to keep to?
Sorry really trying not to drip feed so it's a bit long!
I've recently gone back to work part time. Didn't get to choose my days and DC's (excellent) nursery doesn't yet have space on one of my working days. So, I'm very aware MIL is doing us a huge favour (we almost had to put him in a second nursery just to cover this day). We were and are prepared to pay for childcare for this day and are on the waitlist so DC would be in one nursery all my work days.
She is very happy to have this day doing childcare and is generally great - happy to go out for a walk with the pram in the rain for example, can handle crying.
AIBU however to keep gently trying to ask her to stick to the routine? I'm trying to keep mealtimes pretty consistent nursery/home. Baby is on 2 naps currently (possibly dropping to 1 atm), I've just asked that naps are offered (no issue now) but that he isn't allowed to sleep past around 3pm as he'll be up for 4.5-6+ hours after waking.
I am particular about his food (annoying FTM), I've said no sugar or honey (he's almost 1, MIL wasn't familiar with guidance) or salt. I've started giving the odd bit of food with stock which is fine but generally aim for low sodium. And some solid (whole) bits of fruit/veg with every meal.
I have been providing all food for the time he's there, we obv provided a cot, pram, all supplies and some toys.
He's only actually done 3 days there so far since I've gone back and every time there's been some confusion over the routine:
- trying to get him to nap between 3.30/4pm (twice - once would have been a 3rd nap)
- apparently giving lunch at 3pm (she said he was fed something else around normal lunchtime, I did check)
- giving different food (totally fine in theory but then he's been fed at odd times and it's then hard to gauge what he needs at home. The lunch at 3pm day he'd just eaten a veg muffin at 3, and I'd asked her to give him dinner that day around 3.30, which I'd packed. Had to then try him with dinner at home around 4.40/5, he didn't eat much but then demolished enormous breakfast and lunch the next day so I worried he was hungry just a bit later the day before.
- this is especially where I wonder if I'm being unreasonable, if I'm providing fruit/veg to go with meals, IABU to ask for it to be offered? Doesn't have to be eaten I just want to keep up the routine/exposure.
- lastly, the giving of other food. I thought it would be simpler and easier on her for me to just provide it but she's got other food ready for him each time. This week I checked the day before what she was planning so I wouldn't waste food myself. Then it feels like a bit of a debate/me being controlling. Before the first full day she asked if DS could have Heinz baby cereal that she'd already bought (I said no thanks, he just has normal oats) or fish fingers (I said hesitantly I guess, if the batter was taken off? Felt unsure about it and meant to tell her no after thinking about it, but I thought it was a hypothetical question for if he didn't have food packed one day). That first day I'd packed all his food and she gave him both normal oats and fish fingers. I've since found fish fingers are only recommended occasionally for babies so I've asked her to skip them and talked about how much he's enjoyed other home cooked food of hers.
I don't want to be overly controlling or an ungrateful bint of a DIL but I've gone over these things repeatedly and what I thought was clearly but gently. Other mums have mostly said IANBU but one said just don't ask questions as long as DC is safe and her family was up to all sorts with her kids. Should I let some or all of this stuff go?