Husband always off when I go out with man crazy friend

[Anouke]

So I do have one friend who is absolutely man CRAZY. I mean she is absolutely single bloody minded on a night out. It’s like a dog in heat. She also likes saying outrageous things (often does so in front of my husband). I just tell her to behave tbh.

All she wants to do is flirt and “meet” a guy. I do think it can be a bit much but leave her to it mostly. I just see it as one of her quirks. Do I think it’s uber healthy? No but I’ve shared my thoughts with friend and left it at that. I’m not her mother but obviously try to steer her when I see her making crazy choices. She is a bit of a Samantha (SATC) wannabe but sadly I do think it’s a bit of an act.

Anyway, husband is always a bit off when I say I’m going out with this friend. She’s a lot of fun. I’ll say I’m going with “Liv” and he’ll say something a bit dismissive. And questions why I’m friends with her 😂. He definitely doesn’t like her.

I mean I wouldn’t ever do anything inappropriate but I see nothing wrong in being her wing woman so to speak and chatting to a guy on a night out.

My sister was over the other day and said she doesn’t think Liv is an appropriate friend! And that I should reconsider my friendship as it clearly makes my husband uncomfortable. It just seems mad to me and a very 19th century take.

i asked husband who said he does question why I enjoy spending time with her and when she’s it hunting for men. Such a horrible, judgmental take imo.

Am I the one missing the mark? I don’t think so. We are late 20s. Married for a year. No kids.

“ I don’t see anything wrong with being her wing woman & chatting to a guy on a night out “
Well you’re married !
How would you feel if this was your husband chatting to a woman on a night out , cause he’s with his always trying to pick women up on a night out friend ?
Well be honest ??
I don’t mean dump her as your friend , but I’d be sticking to lunch dates & days out or whatever with her .
Do you not find it painful being out with her ?, given you’re married & she’s always just trying to score with men .

Yes it can be tiresome. It’s not like we set out to meet guys. She just is very forward even if we’re just sitting on the tube or waiting in line at a restaurant.

I just tell her to pack it in when I’m really annoyed. And tbf she does.

What about the question regarding how you’d feel if your husband chatted to women so his mate could try and pull?

If she's always on the hunt for a man, and makes inappropriate comments to your DH, I'm not surprised he's unhappy about you going out with her. What do you get up to if she pulls OP?

If the roles were reversed, can you honestly say you'd be happy about your DH going out with a friend who's always on the look out for a woman to hook up with? I wouldn't be.

As a previous poster said, if you want to keep your marriage on an even keel, you need to spend time with her during the day, and forget going for girly nights out, if it's just the two of you.

I mean, how fun can it be watching her go after men while you’re lumped in to talk to their mate etc? I find it incredibly boring when a night out goes from being fun to everyone else trying to find/ get off with a bloke.

He’s not judging her for being man crazy he’s judging you for finding it fun to help her chase men and entertain them.

If I were her, id tone it down in front of my friends husband tbh - can’t fault her lifestyle at all but its a bit much for someone married, unfortunately

On plenty of threads I've taken the view when a woman talks about how awful her DP or DH 's friends are then I would assume her DP or DH is the same. Birds of a feather and all that implies
So honestly I can sympathise with your DH.

I'm struggling to see why you even want to go out with this woman unless you actually enjoy being part of her man hunt. And again I sympathise with with your DH because he must really wonder the same.

So if your DH had a crazy shagger friend and you knew when he went out with his friend, they'd be drinking and chatting with lots of girls so his friend could try and shag them, you'd be fine with it?

I can see why your DH isn't particularly keen on you going out with her - he knows that you'll be getting chatted up! I also wouldn't fancy tagging along with my single friend if all she was doing was hunting down blokes to get off with! It wouldn't be my idea of a fun night out 🤷‍♀️

what outrageous things to openly flirt with your husband does she say? I wouldn’t be surprised by your description of her if she’s testing the waters with your husband by doing this. She sounds desperate

Liv sounds fun! But I don’t clutch my pearls of an evening

she sounds desperate and predatory and if the roles were reversed on this thread people would be going full throttle at the situation

Yep, turn it round. Your DH goes out drinking with his mate who is constantly on the pull. Your DH is his wingman who chats to loads of women in order to help his mate get a shag. His mate then makes inappropriate comments to you.

Are you ok with that? If yes, then crack on. But think very carefully about this.

If I knew my husband genuinely wasn’t interested (like I’m not) then I’d trust him not to put himself in any inappropriate situations. I’m always very up front with the fact that I’m married.

She’s just very chatty. It can be tedious but mostly she’s just being a bit flirty and extroverted. If she starts chatting to the men on the table next to us and I’m not feeling it will reel it in.

He wouldn’t be putting himself in any inappropriate situations, his friend that loves to chat up women would be though .
Surely you see now when roles are reversed, why your husband doesn’t like you going out with your friend .

Well - i'd hate it if my DH was going out as supporting act for a bloke on the pull.

I trust him - but i'd hate it. Human nature.

I don't blame your husband. Why don't you suggest she takes another single friend out hunting with her and you two stick to week night friendly meet ups. Or do you like the fun of 'pulling blokes' but then dropping the 'oooh no i'm married' bomb shell.

If my husband had a friend who was an absolute hound, I wouldn't be very impressed.

I wouldn’t be impressed if one of DH’s friends was saying sleazy things to me and I wouldn’t like him chatting up strange women to be his mate’s wing man!

It’s more she likes the shock value of sharing her antics. It’s an attention thing. I don’t love it al the time. But I’ve know this person since we were six. She’s harmless. She’s always loved attention.

It sounds awful, I agree with him. I think the friends we choose do reflect on us, and if you are around that behavior it's kind of supporting or accepting it. I wouldn't like it for my husband to be out with a friend like that either.

My boyfriend doesn't like it either. He hasn't explicitly said so but I just catch a vibe. He knows I wouldn't tolerate any kind of controlling behaviour. For me, I don't want to abandon friends who are still looking for someone so if they ask me to wing-woman, I will.

That’s still pretty sleazy - why does she want attention from your husband about her sex life?! I’d be telling her to rein it in.

My husband has suddenly got funny about me spending time with my friend who’s going through a separation. It’s like he thinks divorce is contagious…

I used to go clubbing with a friend who would enjoy long snogs with men she would meet in these clubs. She had a happy 5 year relationship and young daughter at the time though. I, in no way encouraged it though but she thought it harmless. We were both 23.

What inappropriate things does she say to your husband? Not to be prudish but I wouldn’t like my mate being flirty or over familiar with my husband. I would find it really disrespectful.

i Always look at something from other perspectives & my husband does have a mate who is a shagger and whilst they go out as a group I wouldn’t be happy if he went out alone with this friend for purely no other reason other than to pick up girls.

I can't stand attention seekers, so she'd be my idea of the mate from hell, having known each other that long or not!
I'm on your husbands side in this. I can fully understand why he isn't keen on you going out with her. It's not controlling, it's concern and I would be concerned too, despite how much you protest that you don't do the same when you're out with her.