To feel annoyed I can never have a drink because I always have to collect Dh from work?

[stripeyrain]

I usually get home around 5 and Dh finishes around 9.
He isn’t allowed to park in his work car park as there is limited space and they are reserved for management.
It’s a sort of business park off a busy intersection so there’s no side roads or parking nearby.

Sometimes (not often) I really feel like coming home especially on a Friday and having a glass of wine while I make dinner but I always have to pick him up later so I can’t have a drink after work with colleagues on the odd occasion they do or with friend.
I was never a big drinker but I do resent having to drive later every night and just never being able to if I fancy ever.
He’s had this job for 6 years now and I miss sitting in the garden with a glass of wine after work, enjoying the last bit of sun of the day (in the summer) I just feel a bit restricted as his chauffeur when that should be my down time and this time of year I’d feel very unreasonable making him walk home in the dark and pouring rain just so I could have a couple of drinks after work but that doesn’t stop me from resenting that I never can.

So you decline going out with colleagues on. Fri evening because of this chore?

Just tell him you are going out and can’t pick him up.

And he needs a bike. This is a ridiculous drain on your time and interruption of your evening.

And he is pathetic. Of course he can walk 30 mins home. OK you could pick him up as a favour in a holding gale and rainstorm.

I would start interrupting this expectation with a few drinks outings with colleagues or friends on a Fri evening.

This is ridiculous. He can very easily walk home the odd day you want a drink or take a taxi if he can not! I used to have to push a double buggy to get my children to and from school/nursery in rain or shine....walking an hour for morning drop off and then an hour for pick up (bc one school and nursery were seperate locations). My back would often hurt from all that pushing a double pram. Thankfully, I don't have to do that now.

Also, my older dc have had to walk home the odd time which takes an hour if there is a bus strike (i dont drive).

Anyway, you are not even asking your dh to do it often....but once a week is acceptable and if he does not like it, he can take a taxi.

I agree re the driving but if there was a genuine reason then understandable. However, not being able to get yourself to and from work as an adult and relying on your wife to drive you there and back every day is beyond wet and massively embarrassing tbh.

The alcohol isn't really the point, it's having to be available every Friday evening. It's reasonable to want the ability to take time off from that.

The issues you've mentioned with walking are weather and light dependent. Neither would apply in spring or autumn. So you can start by carving out some walking evenings there.

This. ^ @stripeyrain he needs to get some chub-rub leggings and WALK. You NEED to tell him you're not doing it anymore.

I have a feeling you won't though

How long would it take to cycle? Even if he didn’t do that all the time it would give you a break from driving him everyday. There’s a problem, he’s going round the problem and making it your problem. There is no downside to him in the current arrangement. Drinking or not I would not want to have to leave the house everyday at 9pm to collect DH from work.

Asking someone to do a 30 minute walk once a week?

Do you never go out yourself in the evening? I'd be totally fine with DH missing the odd evening pickup so he could go to the pub - but then, I happily walk half an hour if I needed to.

He can’t walk half an hour home because his thighs rub together is pathetic. He can buy some proper gym wear and get on with it. How unattractive for a grown man to be unable to walk for 30 minutes. Even my 2 year old can do that.

Why can't he get an electric bike and agree with you that Friday nights, say, he goes to and from work on that? I know they're not cheap to buy, but, setting aside any 'financial' value given to the pain-in-the-arse element of ruining your evening, by the time you've added up the fuel and wear and tear on your car, surely it would pay itself off fairly quickly? As for not liking walking and getting sweaty legs in the summer, why can't he take excessive gear and trainers to work, and change into those to walk - or even jog! - home? He just sounds a lazy arse, frankly, who doesn't want to find a solution because he likes his private taxi. How deeply unattractive.

What's wrong with not wanting to cycle? It just makes me smile that the answer to any type of travel issues, is why can't you cycle?😂

I have to say though I'm quite surprised that everywhere you've worked has had a large number of cyclists, are those all in big towns/cities?

I'm thinking back through my past jobs, they involved travel to different sites, motorway commutes, well out of town locations, none of which people cycled to

He doesn't get home from work until 9pm? And you resent having to pick him up? Because it means you can't have a glass of wine during the week?

Your suffering is real.

How does he get to work? Apologies if I have missed it
ETA I missed you also take him to work. So he has zero travelling expenses? He can definitely afford to get an uber or such like once a week to give you an evening off. Likewise he should be considerate abd grateful and offer you nights off (when the weather is suitable for him naturally)
How does he manage on holidays and days out with his walking struggle?

He can get a taxi on a Friday night. Done.

Can he park a bike there? He can cycle.

It's not just about going for a drink, that timing would mean you could never go to a play or a gig or concert (because they tend to start about 7.30pm/8pm and aren't finished by 9pm) which is just wild. It's an awkward extra commute for you.

What happens if you're ill? Or away? Or your car's in the garage?

6 years of this takes the piss. Order him an uber when you're next in a beer garden on a Friday after work. He could get dropped off to the pub to join you.

@Starlight1979 Because he is your partner and is finishing at 9pm after a day's work ?
Sorry I guess I had to accommodate so many trips for people , kids activities , duty visits that wanting to drink wine at home just doesn't seem a problem. It's not an hour's drive .
You can drink at 9pm and can start as early as you want at weekends .

That would annoy me..

How does he get to work normally , and how does he get to work in the pouring rain. Can’t he do this journey in reverse? Surely a grown man can work out how to get to and from work without having to be driven .

I have to walk 25mins to the train station and then from the other end it’s a 20min walk to the office. I love the commute! Pop a podcast or audiobook on and off I go. I do it in all weathers. And I have nerve damage on a thigh so often in pain but walking helps me a lot!

Yes she could but she wants an alcoholic drink.

This. Everywhere I've worked has either:
a)been in a city center with plenty of public transport options (and public car parks if that's your preference)
b)had ample parking
c)been served by a public bus
The one place I worked where none of those were the case, they ran a bus service for employees which stopped at the nearest train station and a carpark they'd arranged to use as an overflow due to the limited on site parking.

A 30 minute walk is nothing - small children do more on the school run. Fair enough if it's absolutely bucketing down with rain, but other than that I'd just tell him he needs to walk or sort a taxi - it's not like it's every night either. I absolutely could not put up with this

This man can drive though. Not driving has fuck all to do with it. In fact, it seems to be the very fact he is too used to driving that is making him so pathetic in not walking himself home.

I don’t drive and I have never once asked my partner to drive me to and from work.

I get to walk under my own steam 100% of the time, in all weathers. About as far from a wet lettuce as you can get.

Oops, just seen that the thigh rubbing non walking man child gets a lift to work every day courtesy of the OP.

She drives him to work....

You’re both being exceptionally weird OP. Stop enabling him, he needs to get if his arse and exercise a little bit

I don’t think it’s weird at all - no wine o’clock in 6 years is insanity

you’d dry up at the sight of him waiting for a lift (^^ how I picture poor op’s husband)