To feel annoyed I can never have a drink because I always have to collect Dh from work?

[stripeyrain]

I usually get home around 5 and Dh finishes around 9.
He isn’t allowed to park in his work car park as there is limited space and they are reserved for management.
It’s a sort of business park off a busy intersection so there’s no side roads or parking nearby.

Sometimes (not often) I really feel like coming home especially on a Friday and having a glass of wine while I make dinner but I always have to pick him up later so I can’t have a drink after work with colleagues on the odd occasion they do or with friend.
I was never a big drinker but I do resent having to drive later every night and just never being able to if I fancy ever.
He’s had this job for 6 years now and I miss sitting in the garden with a glass of wine after work, enjoying the last bit of sun of the day (in the summer) I just feel a bit restricted as his chauffeur when that should be my down time and this time of year I’d feel very unreasonable making him walk home in the dark and pouring rain just so I could have a couple of drinks after work but that doesn’t stop me from resenting that I never can.

I agree. For my own personal safety I would not accept this situation as an employee.

wow he is like a sulky teen child isn’t he. I’d have to cross a park to get to the car waaaah. I’d just insist, and the first few Fridays I’d go out so I’m not at home.
‘Dp id like to go out on Friday occasionally or have a glass of wine at night. You can drive and park on the other side of the park or uber home. I think once a month sounds fair. I am out this Friday and have a 17yo called Sally babysitting, she will leave when I get home.’

him: sulk sulk grump. You: excuse me, I haven’t gone out or had a drink on a Friday for 6 years so your royal highness doesn’t have to walk across a park. You have legs, you’re an adult male not a 16yo girl, I don’t believe I heard you say how much you appreciate how much I put my day out for you every day as well as cook dinner clean and tidy? You’re sulking now; wait till you realise that I’m so pissed off with all this I’m done doing all the work at home as well as being your chauffeur. You should have appreciated how good you had it.

This 100%

Are you incredibly stupid or something? Why are you picking him up every evening? I understand when the weather's appalling but otherwise he's an adult who should be able to get himself from one place to another without a chauffeur.

Can he not park somewhere nearby and walk to his car? Cycle? Walk? Public transport?

Because you being expected to have no life every evening isn't the right answer to the lack of parking at his workplace.

No you're not and I suspect this isn't the only situation he uses moodiness to coerce OP into complying with his demands.

What hours does he work for him to finish at 9?

Surely there must be public transport nearby? What do the people that don't have cars do?

I like the description that goes from wanting to enjoy a glass of wine on a summers evening in the garden to husband having to walk home in the rain, cold amd dark 😂.

my dh walks 40 minutes plus a train i only take him in when the trains dont run early which is some sundays

your husband sounds like a lazy arse why ddid you agree to this

OP, do you have difficulty standing up to him? Many people walk and are fine. Or, as mentioned many times, they can take a Uber once a week.

I suspect you are both accustomed to your 'roles' and despite your resentment, there isn't a real willingness to change it.

A 30 minute walk?? That’s the DREAM commute! Get him some earphones, recommend a nice podcast for his walk home and enjoy your post work wine

He could walk home in half an hour. Half an hour??? Bloody hell, me as a single woman living in the city centre with no car for a few years would think that was an amazing walk to work. Plus even when I had a car I couldn't park in the city centre for less than £20 a day or a 20 minute walk to a cheaper one.
He needs to grow up. Besides, that's less than 10 minutes on a bicycle.

OMG. Why didn't you put in your OP that he only works half an hour's walk away?? Of course he can walk sometimes.

@Cotton55 But if it was anything else except alcohol she could do both . Is it really that much hassle to pick someone up ? I just don't see the problem. But lots of the responders here have the attitude that he's a lazy arse and you shouldn't do it for him . I know I never ever have an issue picking any family up just glad I can drive and have a car to do it .

How would you get home if you went for drinks after work? Would he drop you at work?
do you have kids as getting them bundled in the car as well would be annoying. Just tell him that you are heading out and he needs to sort himself out.

You need to give us a bit more info.

It's ridiculous OP. It's his job, he needs to get himself home. He can drive 10mins then walk. Or ride a bike. He only has to go one way - you are driving there and back night after night? That must take more than the 30mins he would be walking for, plus it ties you down and eats into your evenings. It's like you have a second job! Have you really been doing this for 6 years?

So every single day you drive him to work, then drive yourself to work, then work a job earning the same salary as him, then drive home, then do all of the chores by yourself, then at 9pm get back in the car to pick him up and drive him home. Every single day. So he doesn't have to walk 10 min to parking or 30 min to home.

And you've done this every day for 6 years.

Not hobbies, not interests, not socialising, not your own self care, not running round after actual children. Just him.

The alcohol is a red herring. What about if you get home feeling hideous with a cold/sore throat or something and just want to go to bed? Does he really expect you to drag yourself out at 9pm?? It’s just not fair, especially when you also work and are handling all the chores etc too.

Let me guess - he had a mum who did everything for him?

It's handmaiden behaviour. She's exhausted, has been out all day. Gets in, has to make the meal, tidy up, etc. Then every single night of the working week go back out to get him - no matter how tired she is, no matter what else she might want to do with her own free time, no matter if she is feeling ill and wants to go to bed, or gosh just wants a glass of wine and to put her feet up in front the TV. Because he could easily walk, he makes excuses and chooses not to, because it's much easier to let the little woman do it. I've dated some not great people in my time but even they would be embarrassed to ask me to be their constant personal chauffeur when they are an adult who can get themselves home.

Goodness me I think you’ve done your time with this. You should start going out with work colleagues regularly & he can get his coat on and walk to the car and drive himself home. You’re not his mummy and he’s not in nursery!

Oh come on 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Nothing to do with having a drink... having to be available every night at 9pm to chauffer an adult around is ridiculous. I have to go out almost every evening after dinner because my DC have activities that they need to be brought to (not in UK, most activities are sometimr between 6 30 and 8 30) but I dream of the day they are teenagers and can sort themselves out. I love when I can come home, put on comfy clothes and relax. But what is the end point for your arrangement? When will your DH grow up and sort his own transport? Going out at 9pm every night is just horrible.

I'm tied. 30 minutes isn't much especially if he gets a lift in, but then after a 12 hour shift I can see why it would seem like a big deal.

Can't he get a bike /ebike?

The being unhappy when you occasionally can't do it sounds controlling.

How can you go to the cinema or meet friends for a meal or even have a lazy evening with TV, bath, pyjamas etc if you have to leave to pick up DH from work at 9? Missing alcohol is a very minor part of the inconvenience of always being at someone else's service.