Was I unreasonable in what I said and did at the hospital?

[yushsisi]

I had an appointment today at the hospital. Just for a pre op assesment. When I was finished I went and sat on the edge of a 3 seat of chairs outside the accident and emergency department. I had rung my friend and she was collecting me but as it was raining I chose to wait inside and she said she would call when she was 2 mins away

There was an elderly lady sat on the end of the chairs and as soon as I sat she stood. There's a screen opposite us with bus times and stops and when they are due and where you can get taxis from etc. I assumed she was looking at that.
She came back and stood in front of me and said move, I don't want you sitting there. I looked at her and said excuse me? She said I was taking up too much room and how I was sat upset her. Legs crossed with my bag on my knees playing on my phone just for reference.
I told her I wasn't taking up any room and there was enough space for the other 2 chairs to be used. She flung herself down on the chaid where she was previously sat and did a dramatic sigh and pulled a face and told me I was annoying her and inconveniencing her. I ignored her. She started shouting and screaming and she went to grab me. I put my hand up and she yelled that I assaulted her

At this point I just left. A woman at the reception desk mouthed sorry at me but I honestly don't know whats going on. I wasn't hanging around.
So yeah little more of a dranatic pre op then I expected

You did nothing @yushsisi and it wasn’t a non event. Whether the person had an illness or not had she grabbed you the pain or potential injury on you would have been the same, you had every right to protect yourself.

Part of what’s going on nowadays is that there are more and more people being diagnosed with dementia of different kinds and the resources to support them are thin on the ground. There are also many people with mental health problems who can’t access the help they need because mental health services in the UK are dire. I find it very difficult to believe that a mature woman would act like this towards a complete stranger just because she felt like having a ‘tantrum’. As a society we turn a blind eye to all of this because it’s uncomfortable. But not too uncomfortable to label people ‘batshit’ and ‘mental’ instead of giving any thought as to why incidents like this happen - until it lands on our own doorstep.

As others have said, it sounds like she has MH issues. It would have rattled me too for sure.
I'm not excusing it but if it were me I'd consider that she probably has a difficult life due to it and count my blessings where I can.

I didn’t say she retaliated. I said the kind of retaliation she described as her response had she been struck was quite shocking. No-one is expecting anyone to react ‘perfectly’ to situations like this, and I think OP’s response - raising her hand - in the moment was proportionate to the threat. And yes, having direct experience of the type of behaviour brought on by dementia helps, but I don’t believe that in 2026 it’s proportionate or appropriate to jump straight to using words like ‘batshit’ or ‘mental’ when mental health conditions and dementia, are so firmly in the public consciousness, as is the woeful lack of resources to properly address them.

You did the right thing, you blocked her. This is what I’ve been taught to do at work. Don't give it a second thought.

The woman lunged to attack her. Most people would find that very disconcerting, especially after the woman yelled that it was OP attacking her.
It's fortunate that the receptionist was there to witness what actually happened.

This seems like one of those threads where the first few posts set the scene for the majority of posters who didn't take in the whole of the OP.

You need a sit down and a cup of tea - whatever her reasons you were still assaulted. She was verbally and physically aggressive to you and that shocks our nervous system.
It's ok to feel weird in these situations but you did nothing wrong.

I think it's pretty shocking the receptionist did nothing at all. Yes, given you say she was pretty old, it sounds like dementia, and given how unprovoked and unmoored her actions were, if not dementia then some other paranoid mental illness. But that doesn't absolve the hospital from providing a safe environment for you and they appear to not have even been bothered.

No OP, you weren’t BU. You did right in walking away from her. We never know what other people are going through.

I was at hospital yesterday too, & was pissed off with people leaving a gap in between seats. Normally I’d sit well away from people, but the place was packed & I needed a seat. Some people even put coats on the empty seat next to them. I was surprised at how many people looked, but said nothing.

This, actually surprised there’s not been any posts yet berating op for not making sure the woman was oK and didn’t want a coffee or something else, and that everything was ops fault !

It clearly wasn’t OP’s fault, and no, offering a coffee, or anything for that matter, wasn’t appropriate in the circumstances. But at the very least I would have recognised that something was clearly amiss - especially as the receptionist apologised. That signals that the woman was known to them so why wasn’t she being supervised, or at least seated somewhere quiet ?

She wasn't well. Upsetting for you.

That's a bit harsh. The receptionist was keeping an eye on things and said sorry. If OP was in physical danger Security would have been called, but she sensibly walked away.

you were in Hospital?
do you make posts every time you have an odd reaction from people?
i mean, it happens, it happens to us all, on the bus, in the street.
no comment to make

But the woman was clearly known to be a problem judging by the receptionists’ reaction.

I have spent the last 4 years caring for my grandad with advanced dementia. Not everybody who is elderly or in hospital is rude or has dementia. Some people are just rude, entitled idiots. Again I don't care what age you are or what medial conditions you have, if you get up in my grill or push me, expect to be pushed back.

would you like a sick bowl?

It sounds like she was mentally unwell poor woman. Maybe she is living with dementia or similar.

That would be why she was keeping an eye. Unless the woman was known to be dangerous I don't think the hospital should be expected to keep her away from the public.

I voted YABU because you're being unreasonable to ask if you did something wrong. Obviously you didn't, and she's not right in the head, poor woman.
Sorry it happened. Good that it wasn't someone who was physically intimidating.

Why shouldn't the OP post about something that bothered her?

The woman was intimidating and assaulted, OP. There may have been little risk of permanent damage (though who knows, mental health nurses get hurt by surprisingly frail people a fair amount) but don't think it has to be physical danger to be unacceptable and something the hospital should be managing better.

OP did the right thing walking away, but the hospital should be more on the ball with patient management.

Well this escalated fast, did you rally just post you’d have assaulted an elderly unwell woman if she’d hit you? Good god.

No, of course it's not right, but that's sort of the nature of MH problems. You know, they're PROBLEMATIC. She's not well, you're not hurt, going out in public sometimes brings us into contact with odd, unwell people. Just be glad your head isn't like hers.

The op said she’d have fought her if the unwell elderly lady hit ber, so I’m not sure, that’s fairly messed up in itself.

People like this are more or less always in A&E. People at the margins of life, mentally ill, in crisis. Obviously you were not being unreasonable to sit there. But it’s a dick move to go on about it. It’s not difficult to understand when a situation is not an everyday interaction. Also, be glad you’re not her. Probably frightened and obviously distressed.