Was I unreasonable in what I said and did at the hospital?

[yushsisi]

I had an appointment today at the hospital. Just for a pre op assesment. When I was finished I went and sat on the edge of a 3 seat of chairs outside the accident and emergency department. I had rung my friend and she was collecting me but as it was raining I chose to wait inside and she said she would call when she was 2 mins away

There was an elderly lady sat on the end of the chairs and as soon as I sat she stood. There's a screen opposite us with bus times and stops and when they are due and where you can get taxis from etc. I assumed she was looking at that.
She came back and stood in front of me and said move, I don't want you sitting there. I looked at her and said excuse me? She said I was taking up too much room and how I was sat upset her. Legs crossed with my bag on my knees playing on my phone just for reference.
I told her I wasn't taking up any room and there was enough space for the other 2 chairs to be used. She flung herself down on the chaid where she was previously sat and did a dramatic sigh and pulled a face and told me I was annoying her and inconveniencing her. I ignored her. She started shouting and screaming and she went to grab me. I put my hand up and she yelled that I assaulted her

At this point I just left. A woman at the reception desk mouthed sorry at me but I honestly don't know whats going on. I wasn't hanging around.
So yeah little more of a dranatic pre op then I expected

Op, you are a woman, therefore it's your job to be everybody's punching bag and you are not allowed to complain, if you complain, you will be labelled as unkind and asked why can't you just be nice.

So it this was happening to a 'batshit' elderly relative of yours who was in crisis, you would be happy for someone to treat them this way?

If the woman lacked capacity or was unwell due to dementia, or otherwise considered vulnerable and you retaliated you’d find yourself in trouble. It’s assault. Defending yourself as you did by putting your hand up is absolutely the right thing to do, but had you been struck and hit back, you’d likely be investigated as to whether your response was appropriate or proportionate to the threat this lady presented.

Treat them how? What did OP do that you object to?

I imagine that the OP found the encounter quite upsetting and probably posted here to help her process it.

I'm autistic and if someone tried to grab me and then accused me of assaulting them (no matter how unwell they were) I would be traumatised for months and would still be ruminating years on.

Just because someone is ill, it doesn't mean their behaviour (even if they can't help it) doesn't have a negative impact on others.

You weren't unreasonable OP and you aren't unreasonable for posting.

It's a hospital, there are sick people there, mentally and physically, ideally the staff would have intervened and someone aggressive and unstablle would not be just sitting there on their own. It could happen to anyone .

Well she's obviously got mental health issues. It's not a big deal.

Attacked?

What do you want people to say? You encountered person with mental health issues. You very sensibly left. End of story, surely?

Upset about what
Process what exactly

I actually object to the offensive language you chose to describe someone clearly vulnerable - ‘batshit’ and ‘they walk among us’. Really inappropriate, especially when used to describe someone who has little or no control over their actions. I don’t think there was anything wrong with the way OP reacted - she raised her hand to defend herself. But her account of what she would have done had she been struck was shocking, and she would rightly have found herself in a lot of trouble for unwarranted retaliation out of anger, when dealing with someone deemed vulnerable.

Grow up

But you don't know she was vulnerable, you're just inventing that to make OP out to be the aggressor.

There are plenty of people who act batshit out of a sense of entitlement and they do walk amongst us.

Get a grip.

Why don't you actually read the OP and come back and tell us your thoughts.

Empathy ? Jesus wept, you can talk !!

When people are attacked either verbally or physically as OP was, it's natural that people's instinct is to want to protect themselves.

Op is being berated for her natural instincts by people acting like they know always know how to react in any given situation.

The idea of someone defending themselves from an assault is shocking to you? Just because someone may be "vulnerable" does not mean a stranger has to take being assaulted by them.

I can only speak for myself, but if a stranger started shouting at me and tried to grab me, I would feel upset. I imagine other people might too.

In terms of processing, I would be thinking why did that happen, what did I do wrong, what could have I done differently, did I handle it in the right way? Discussing situations with other people often helps make sense of events.

People will downplay and validate any ill actions of old people on here OP. As soon as you added the word 'elderly' in your OP it pricks the ears up of people who shout 'ageist!' At any given moment.

YANBU at all, she sounds batshit. And if she was that advanced in any neurological condition she should have been supervised instead of allowing her to verbally and physically assault you.

if she'd come in my personal space like that and if anyone like that went to grab me they'd get a firm shove themselves.

And there are those of us who are dealing with close relatives who behave in exactly the way as the woman OP described. Because of dementia. So we recognise it. OP wasn’t an aggressor, neither was the woman in question if she was vulnerable in this way. The clue is in the fact that she was in a hospital department and I think it would have been kinder for OP to enquire with the receptionist as to whether she was accompanied or whether someone in the department was responsible for her safety.

It doesn't make it ok but it does mean that person wasn't in full control of her faculties. Of course it's never ok to assault someone, I hope you're ok.

Unfortunately people who are vulnerable in this way are frequently left unattended in hospital departments. My own mother has advanced dementia and had to be transported to a clinic appointment by ambulance. I followed by car. By the time I’d parked up and got to the clinic she was nowhere to be seen, having been checked in and seated in the waiting room unattended, despite the crew knowing she had dementia. By the time we found her she was sitting crumpled in the corner of the ladies toilets, sobbing. It happens. Comments like yours and that of @Nomas display an ignorance and lack of understanding that’s frankly sickening.

God forbid someone is just downright rude and abusive - there must be an 'issue' that has caused it. Same as a kid having a tantrum. What the hell is going on nowadays?

It's like raaaaaiiiin on your wedding day...