AIBU with my birthday card

[Nickibobmoonshine]

Hi,

My partner and I were engaged but due to some of his actions we cancelled this and he has since told me he never wants to get married and we can just be happy living together, although it was him who was so into us getting married more than I was, but that's just to describe the scene....I have been going counselling because I have a lot of resentment about this and I have lots of thoughts that he isn't as into me as he used to be.

It was recently my birthday and he bought me a card 'to someone special ' AIBU to be quite hurt over this. He couldn't even write anything really nice in the card because he 'didnt have his glasses!!!'

I just don't need any more resentment lol

Move on - he’s not that into you

I dont think they card is an issue, id be perfectly happy with that...but

What were his actions that caused the engagement to be cancelled?
Were you the one who instigated this?
Were uou hoping it was more a postponement? Thst marriage was still on the cards?
What was his reaction at the time?

My immediate response to his 'well I never want to get married now' was ooh hes punishing you for calling off the engagement, uou called him out for his actions (whatever they were) and now hes hurting you!

Lots of people stay engaged without marriage and tgats fine if uoure bith happy eith that, but you haven't got the engagement now.
I know you said you're happy 99% of the time but I think thats not true deep down if the card upset uou so much. It goes way deeper than card.

⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

Nothing to do with the card but from the first paragraph alone it’s clear you shouldn’t be with him - you can do better! You shouldn’t be having counselling about the resentment- just end the relationship.

The card thing wouldn't bother me at all. The engagement would bother me a lot. Marriage is important to me and I wouldn't stay with someone who said he never wanted to marry me.

Sounds like there is a lot more to this story, and not just on his side…

The card wouldn't bother me, because my DH has never given me any reason to doubt his love.

You are sensitive to this, because of the cancelled marriage. He has all the power here, when the wedding was cancelled because of 'his actions'. I read that as he did something, so you postponed the wedding, and now he doesn't want to get married anymore. It's understandable that has made you on edge.

Dump him. I don’t think you’re overthinking the card btw. Why didn’t he get girlfriend or partner, or ‘the one I love’?

The card is fine. The relationship isn’t. You sound exhausting.

"I shouldn't be questioning him about silly things, as my mum says!! He's a man after all!"
Yes, all we know about is engines, beards and being unreliable 🤔🤷😂

The card and the message written inside would have made me very happy....

Unless my partner had recently broken off our engagement and told me we would never marry. Having had that rug pulled from under my feet, I suspect I would never be entirely happy with anything he did ever again.

It would be reasonable to assume getting married was considered by both of you as a step up from living together or you wouldn't have been planning to in the first place. So it would be fair to feel that cancelling means he doesn't feel you or the relationship are good enough for that step up.

If you aren't happy with this turn of events you might save yourself a lot of money in counselling fees if you give yourself permission to not go along with his new plan for your life.

He sounds very low effort

Do you still want to marry someone? Is this half arsed relationship enough for you?

Flogging a dead horse comes to mind…

What were his actions? Do you want to be married to him? Your feelings are always valid and don't let anyone minimize them. This isn't about the card.

This is dead in the water.

You say you’re happy 99% of the time but also that things were bad enough to call off your wedding and that you’re in counselling because of your resentment towards him.

These two pieces of information are conflicting and can’t both be true so which one is?

It sounds like you’re in a bit of denial.

What your mother thinks is irrelevant! You’re in a dead end relationship with someone who ended your engagement and assumes you’re so spineless that you’ll just meekly continue to live with him, despite the evidence of his lack of commitment to you!

The only way to address your insecurities is to have an open and frank conversation about your needs in the relationship. Express how you feel and ask him how he feels, and what he wants from the future relationship. If it doesn’t align, you will know what your next step is.

In the country where I live, you cannot buy a card which is relationship specific. There are greetings on the front like Happy Birthday or Condolences or Get Well Soon etc. They are all blank inside for the sender to express their greeting.
I like this.

What matters in a greeting card is the personal message and sentiment expressed in the sender's handwriting inside the card.
YABU! your DP wrote beautiful words for you. Address other issues in your relationship...not this one.

Please don’t have a baby with him.

I’ve been with my partner for 21 years, live together but we own our own homes. We often buy each other cards with ‘to someone special’, ‘the one I love’, ‘my boyfriend/girlfriend’ etc because we are not engaged or married. I never considered being upset at any of those cards?

He wants to stay single because he does not want to marry YOU.

He has a nice life with no commitment.

He is a loser. Get Rid.

can I ask what you would have liked on the card?

I do understand why these things are important as my husband barely ever bothered to buy and write me a card during our marriage

my husabnd never even bothers to do this. I dont understand what the upset with the cards is?

I’d leave him. He sounds awful and thoughtless. You’re worth better.