Stay at home parent

[123mother]

Why do people think a stay at home parent doesn't work? That they have so much time on their hands? Am I wrong in thinking I have less of a break then my partner brining in the pay check

Sorry, do you think wrangling 4 year olds isn't hands on requiring a lot of energy?

I guess it depends on the ages of your children. If they’re at school then technically you should have more time on your hands than someone who is working all day.
If they’re babies/toddlers then no, it will be pretty full on.

I noticed the bit about a six month old and my girl is exactly this age plus I have a two year old, I’m currently off on maternity leave with both of them. My six month old was a really colicky baby, she cried for four hours solid every evening and used to feed every 90 minutes all through the night, but still I used to thank my lucky stars that I was waking up in the morning to look after children and not go into work because I would’ve found working a million times harder. I may have had to deliver a company wide presentation that day, or conduct a disciplinary meeting, or delivered back to back one to ones for 8 hours straight. I think it really depends on the individual circumstances but for me, two under two was a breeze compared to working

And yet, it seems largely it’s only part of being an adult if you are a woman.

Not in my circle. The only woman I know who was treated like that, divorced him pretty quickly.

YOU might not, but other SAH parents have other experience. The same was as some people at work doing absolutely nothing 😂- we all know them, and it's not always easy to get rid of them.

It's not doing us any favour to dismiss SAH mums. In reality, they make up the majority of volunteers in and around schools. Working mums volunteer too, but can't do as much.

"working hard" means nothing.

Being a parent is a relationship, not a job.

It's your take, it's absolutely valid, but many of us pay someone to do most of those things for a reason - working or SAH mums.

Maybe the men will divorce the stay at home moms if they expect him to work and do chores!

I work full time but have also been at home with baby and toddler on Mat leave.

The biggest difference in making work harder is commitment to being out the house X number of hours a week - and then having external expectations of what you will deliver from your employer.

I find work more fulfilling than being with small kids all day - but my domestic load was no greater when at home.

Neither is ‘better’ than the other, it just is what it is.

It involves doing jobs tho

I don't think people think a SAHP doesn't work and when the kids are pre-school, a day is pretty much full on, with feeding, washing and housework etc, although I did find time for things like taking them to singing classes or ballet, or visiting retired parents or other friends with children, all of which were far more enjoyable than being at work. Once kids are at school though, I would say being a SAHP is much easier than being a working parent since they have a large part of the day to get things done or have a nap, go shopping or do nice things, whereas a working parent has to fit all the household chores in either before going to work or in the evening or at the weekends. I was a SAHP with twins for their first year and worked part-time until they were 3 and then returned to work full-time. I do remember being quite envious of non-working mums though idly chatting at the school gates with their gym gear on while I literally had to run back to my car and drive like a maniac to work. However, looking back, I would say the best time was working part-time as it gave a good balance - adult company and banter at work, precious time with the children, time for myself and time to get household stuff done.

Then perhaps those women should put a stop to that! Would you settle for a bone idle man? I fucking wouldn’t!

My point is, that’s work is it not?

If we’re honest with ourselves is it because our employed work is actually tough, or is it the balancing act of managing work and childcare? Being constantly rushed around and spinning many plates? I used to think my job was hard until I had kids. Having kids takes mental resilience I didn’t even need in a fast paced time critical job.

I guess if it was so easy to be a SAHP - more men would do it.

Yes, because if he's a single father he won't have to do his own housework or parent his own children around his very important job, will he?

Honestly, think some of these things through before you post.

A job is something you're paid for.

Depenns on how many childrdn and what ages.

I’m a SAHP and I’ll be honest, I absolutely have more free time than my husband and my friends who are employed. 💯 and I don’t deny that or pretend my life is just as hard as my friends who work very hard stressful jobs or long hours.

I think it depends on lots of factors, my husband is really hands on, has a flexible job and has always been of the opinion that he should help at home too. Whereas a couple of friends who were also sahp did absolutely everything. All the time every weekend too, so they never got any kind of breaks as all the childcare and house chores fell on them. I think it’s very individual.

I work really hard FT, long shift work sometimes over 6 days and have a working spouse. So no SAHP picking up the slack. But I look back and think being a SAHM to multiple toddlers was infinitely harder. In part that was the combination of working really hard on little sleep whilst society acted like you were being lazy. I was totally burnt out by the time they were both in school.

The sweet spot for me was definitely working PT with school aged children. If I could I would go back to that. But finances are tighter than we expected with cost of living going up. So I now have to work FT and muddle through.

These days SAHP is a luxury these days. Most people have to work and do all the housework and things work kids in the evenings.

Or he will only have the kids once a week so won’t be as much “work” involved

But he'd lose a chunk of his income, so he'd not be able to outsource the cleaning and cooking.

He would still have a home to maintain, even if he was completely rubbish in the parenting department and barely saw the kids. He would still require food and clean clothes.

Or do all divorced men who divorced women for expecting them to pull their weight as adults run home to mummy?

He may be earning enough to be able to outsource these things. Or will just eat simple quick food (beans on toast). Maybe won’t clean often etc as he’s probably only really home at weekends.

You live in a delusional little bubble.

Ah I don’t know, I just don’t see it in the same way. Even after my first maternity leave I remember just feeling like I was on an extended holiday; being able to go out for walks, go and visit family, play with a lovely chubby baby, walk around the house in my dressing gown. It just felt like the biggest weight had been lifted, and whilst two under two was (of course) more challenging, I still kind of have the same feeling. Even being able to put the laundry on in the middle of the day and not have to fight through two hours of traffic each day is a dream! I’ve opted to take extended maternity leave with my second so I’ll be off for a total of 18 months, largely because I love my children and want to spend as much time with them as possible, but also partly because I find this life notably easier and way less stressful