Stay at home parent

[123mother]

Why do people think a stay at home parent doesn't work? That they have so much time on their hands? Am I wrong in thinking I have less of a break then my partner brining in the pay check

School does. Same as SAHP’s with school aged children.

And when they were pre-schoolers?

I’m not making any arguments or assumptions about the value of paid vs unpaid work. I’m just pointing out that being a SAHP isn’t “work” in the standard definition.

Whether you feel it creates value for your household is up to you and your family, but its doesnt alter the fact tgat a SAHP isn’t classified as being in work.

As PPs have pointed out though the “work” a SAHP undertakes in the home is “work” which a salaried parent also has to do, in the vast majority of cases. A working parent often has to do a full time job as well as most of the domestic work.

I work full time but have also, as a single parent until recently, done all of the childcare and domestic labour other than that which was managed by my childminder. The fact that you are a paid employee doesn’t absolve you on domestic labour so its not an either/or choice.

You can think whatever you like, but the evidence doesn't back you up. And neither does my own experience.

I did. Still wasn’t a job. I’m their mother. Not employee.

Depends on your definition of "job".

We divide up the domestic "jobs" such as the cooking, cleaning etc and it's not particularly unreasonable to include the childcare in that when you're accounting for everything that needs doing for the family.

We both work, DD is in childcare the three days I'm working in my paid employment. But it's my "job" to care for her on the other two days til she's at school, regardless of whether I'm paid for it or not. And I do that so we have more money...same as I'll work more in my paid employment for more money when she goes to school. If it was necessary for money that I worked more I would, or less if needed.

Whether I worked or not, yes she's my responsibility as my child to look after. But I think given so many parents pay for childcare provision, how much of a "job" it is should be considered when parents stay home full time to do it.

It’s not a job but it’s still work.

Women's invisible labour is a huge issue so it’s good to stipulate that being at home with very young children is a 24:7 shift with no breaks. I think as women we do ourselves a disservice by alluding it’s a burden we’ve decided on and because it’s not of economical gain, it’s still a huge societal gain with us raising decent children who will become future citizens.

Of course a SAHP doesn't work! I highly doubt your working partner gets less of a break than you (unless they do FA in the evenings).

I'm a SAHP atm. It's a breeze compared to my previous 60hr a week job + housework + managing childcare. Even when I was on maternity leave, I found it a breeze. I can't really take anyone seriously that claims it's harder than being a working parent. I do find it quite isolating though. And mind-numbingly dull at times. So mental-health wise, it is harder.

You may have found it a breeze which is great. My maternity leave was horrific with a colicky baby who I couldn’t put down and was low sleep needs (still is).

Please don’t downplay the work involved in raising kids (especially early years) and keeping a home. If it’s such a breeze then I wonder why so many working couples are outsourcing that work and so many women are on here complaining their partners don’t chip in.

A parent being at home takes away the stress of drop offs, pickup, sickness from the parent in employment. A rather undervalued addition to the home.

I respectfully disagree. It isn’t work, it’s simply my role as a mother. I don’t see keeping a clean house, feeding ourselves, walking the dog etc as work. For me, it’s simply part and parcel of being an adult with children. In the same way when I see the terms ‘life admin’ or ‘mental load’ I just think that’s part of being an adult.

If its not work then why are you at home and not in paid employment? If it’s not valuable and anyone can do it - why not just put them in childcare and contribute to society?

I’m being rude here because I think you’re being a pick me martyr in many ways. The narrative that it’s not work and the lack of value in it is what led to the women’s rights moment in the first place - because child rearing and home making wasn’t deemed important then. Does your husband/partner say thank you or do you expect no gratitude from him either because you’re a woman?

💯🙌🏼

You're just proving a point there...

If you had a colicky baby AND had to get up for work the next day, what would be harder? My middle child did not sleep to the point I had alopecia from sleep deprivation. I went back to work for a year and had to go back to being a SAHP because being a SAHP is easier and I had to look after my health.

I don't really care what others think, my husband works hard and I work hard, we didn't want our children going into nursery care and that's our choice, whatever you choose to do it's hard work being at home with the kids all day but I think it must also be bloody hard working all day then still having to do dinner, bath, bed and be patient when you get home. Either way it's not easy when the kids are young.

I take your point on getting up for work (as I have been doing on barely any sleep) but are you honestly saying that staying home with a 6 month old isn’t harder than going to an office?

I just don’t understand the need to downplay looking after children, making a sacrifice for your family and allowing your partners career to become easier because they don’t have to worry about the children or the home.

I don’t see that as being an adult, I see that as invisible labour for the benefit of the family and your partners career. This is of course admirable but by being a wallflower about it does nothing to improve women’s status in society if we decide to have children and care for them to the detriment of our future earnings. It once again allows men to dust their hands of responsibility and it’s your fault you didn’t have a career if anything goes wrong. It’s a toxic narrative.

Toddler /babies/ special needs child(ren): harder work than many paid jobs

School aged kids? Sounds like a bit of a lark to me. Not knocking anyone doing it though. Just wouldn’t be my life choice

Why would he say thank you? I don’t thank him when he manages to accomplish something that benefits both of us! If he empties a bin why on earth would I say thank you! We both live in the house and we both, as adults, contribute to its upkeep! We’re grown ups, we don’t need to thank each other every time we do an adult task!

I’m not sure where you get the idea that I don’t work from! I work 40 hours a week! You’ve also made up in your own head that I don’t think it has value, it does. As a mother. Not as a job role.

Seriously, if it was an easily job then the majority of men would be rushing to do it!

"working" as being in paid employment? Well, SAH parents are not.

There are a lot of very jealous and very bitter posters on here who resent SAH parents. But there are also many who would hate it and couldn't gather the energy.

Who cares what people thing, really? When you are a working mum, you get haters accusing you of abandoning your baby, we can never win anyway.

I'm sure there are some rediculously easy jobs out there, but on the whole, working is a lot harder.

Why wouldn't the man worry about housework/childrearing? That's only an issue if you've married a useless man. It's not invisible labour if it's shared.

I'm starting to think this is actually the cruz of the issue, not WOHP/SAHP but useless husband that doesn't share the load vs decent husband that does.

If the husband is working and the wife is at home all day why should he do housework/chores etc. Especially if he’s in a hands on job like construction that requires a lot of energy!

Again, I didn’t say it was a job - I said it was a form of work. It is a form of labour albeit domestic. My issue is the downplaying of it when many women will subsidise their partners career by undertaking the domestic work in lieu of their own earnings. If the courts value a SAHPs contribution to the family (even part time or full time) then so should most of us.

I don’t think it’s weird for a couple to acknowledge each others contributions either. It’s not about being an adult, it’s just about not being a dick.

I've been a SAHP and now a working full time parent. They're both hard in different ways. Being a SAHP is boring and thankless and unrecognised. I have kids with SEND and its very easy to get swallowed up in their needs, having a job gives me something else to focus on apart from what can often be the doom and gloom of their future!

Working full time and parenting wins hands down for exhaustion tho. Holy shit, I am constantly, beyond exhausted and often completely overwhelmed. There absolutely aren't enough hours in the day. When I was a SAHP I had time to go to the gym and a bit of shopping. Now I'm feeling fortunate if I get the chance to go and run 3 x a week!

If that works for you, it's no one else's business. It doesn't make being a SAHP harder than working though. It's just playing Martyr.

It depends on the age of the children.

pre-school you are working hard

once they are at school you really aren’t 🤣