Do people just not ring each other any more, is this normal?

[Gurolou]

All my friends want to text or WhatsApp, it seems to be a thing, I hate it. We are all in our forties and fifties so texting wasn't even a thing for most of our lives. Is this really the same for everyone and just how things are? Because I actually hate texts and WhatsApp it just feels like stuff piling on top of me, and I miss talking to people.

It’s not traumatic, it’s just dull. And a complete waste of time.

I can communicate just as well via a message, much faster, with as many people as I need to, in X second bursts, while I go about my day. I ‘speak’ to my friends and family most days, and we generally know what everyone is up to. I enjoy this. I would enjoy speaking to all these people on the phone far less, wouldn’t have the time (or inclination) to do it with the same frequency, and there would be no actual benefit.

I’m weird but I don’t like making phone calls so I rarely unless I really have to or feel guilty because certain people are always calling me. However I love when people call me, usually it means they have something interesting or funny to say and it would lose meaning in message form. So I chat squire a bit every day but mainly because I am driving the calls not making them.

Texting is ok but prefer phone calls because I can cook, clean and do other things while I’m chatting.

I can’t believe a third of people said YABU! OP I talk in the phone all the time. And I reject attempts to have text convos. It’s just not the same. When I was a lone parent of young children phone chats + wine were what passed for my social life. People need to connect properly.

Yep. Tonight I’ve been messaging friends, posting on here, playing games on my phone, looking at holidays on Jet2 and watching tv all at the same time. To talk on the phone I’d have to stop doing all of those other things

And contrary to the ‘not wanting human contact’ I was out with a good friend last night at a social event where I also chatted to numerous friends and got to meet new people - as well as listening to music, dancing and drinking wine!

OK, people are worried that conversations on the phone will take up too much time and there'll be too much idle chitchat, but what happened to the ability to say, "Sorry, I have to go now"? And I still maintain that to say one "hates" talking on the phone is a wee bit melodramatic!

I love phone calls and loathe texting. My best friend and I have a daily phone call after we’ve finished our respective school runs for about 45 minutes or so - either in the car on my commute or on speaker while I do housework. I way prefer it to texting because it’s hands free and because I’m not thinking about what I’m doing I find I get loads of housework done. I call DP for a quick chat and to say hello to the little ones in the car when I pick them up, I call my sister who lives abroad for a chat, parents etc etc. everybody knows if they want to get in touch to just call me. I am horrible at replying to texts, if I can’t get to them straight away I either forget to reply or leave it too late then feel guilty and stressed about it so put it off! I would text if there was something urgent and I knew it would be a bad time for the other person - busy evenings etc with the kids. But I just call people and we all have an understanding that if we’re busy we just don’t answer and will call back when we can. Long live the phone call!

61, prefer texts or WhatsApp most of the time. Phone calls are good if you need to sort out details on something, which would mean multiple back and forth texts. Otherwise texts all the way for me.

Text messages all the way for me. Unless it’s a super long thing I need to get across to people. I hate talking on th’e phone to. Never use voice notes though.

I would rather send 50texts than have a phone call, I absolutely hate talking on the phone.

Seriously, I think in 15 years I’ve only had about a dozen calls with DH! The only person I call is my dad as he can’t cope with texting at all.

It’s the other way around, actually. At time of writing, 66% of respondents (so two thirds) think OP being unreasonable. Which Is actually slightly lower than I’d have expected.

Nah. Im 48 and yes we had text messaging years ago but people still chatted on the phone loads. It’s only fairly recently that they stopped.

Well articulated. Pretty much what I want to say.

I'm 37 and love texting but I really really miss phone calls!

I don't even know what the etiquette is any more to call someone for a chat so I just don't bother. Even though every time I've taken the plunge and done it it's been great so I don't know why I don't do it more.

This. Can’t stand talking on the phone - it demands all your attention. Whereas you can read a text whenever you want and take your time to reply.

Ooh maybe Im getting confused… I thought the YABU meant they thought OP was unreasonable for liking phone calls? Judging by the comments it’s seems most people prefer texting anyway?
Definitely the people who don’t like phone calls are pretty angry about the very idea of phone conversations!
Interestingly my Gen Z kids talk to their friends all the time online ( verbally) via some app or other but my 78 year old mother would only ever text anyone so it’s not an age thing in my experience.

I get phone calls but they seem to inconvenience me more! I like to take phone calls private and I'm usually with people whereas a text I can quickly answer.

I connect with people just fine - in person.

I speak to my dad on the phone and son. Phone is good if you want to type more than a couple of sentences and discuss or arrange something. Sibs and friends mainly whatsapp. Even son it’s short messages and 3-4 weekly phone call. My phone calls are rarely more than 20 min. I hate people who just talk at you for hours and pretend it’s a conversation

I'm 66 and still talk to a few people on my phone. Given that we talk for half an hour to over an hour texting would be a bit silly!

Wonderfully summed up.

I call my mum all the time to chat, but she's the only one I actually phone. My friends and I have a much better using Discord, a messaging app, where we can talk about multiple topics or go off on tangents in our conversation channels without it all being in one single stream of messages.

My friends and I are all neurodiverse and I for one find phone calls to be really intimidating when I'm not expecting them, as it feels like I suddenly have to perform in a way that I don't while messaging. With messages, I can also adjust my notifications if need be so that only urgent texts show up, meaning I don't feel like I have to be constantly available. If someone phones and I miss it for whatever reason, I'll be thinking about it non-stop until I can finally get it out of the way and call back, which makes talking to people feel like a chore or something I'd rather avoid.

Something I do enjoy is scheduled voice chats with my friends, usually for a gaming session or just to hang out as a group if we can't see each other in person. We did this a lot during the lockdowns, using Discord so we could share screens and either show each other various things, play games like Pictionary, or even watch films and TV shows together. That's great fun, and considering that I guess I really don't mind a call as long as I know it's coming! It's the unexpected calls that throw me off.

Oh, I forgot to say that I see my local friends weekly, which we arrange via messages. I also arrange longer catch-ups and visits with my further-flung friends, with catch-ups mostly by message, but sometimes via video call or phone. I'm definitely socially connected, and it works for me in a way that phone calls alone never did.

I have 2 friends I still ring, and I ring my mum and eldest son, but some friends who I regularly rang, now just text. Which is easier as I do struggle to find the time (or motivation) for regular calls. One friend who is quite needy and conversation all one sides to her problems wants a 90 min call every weekend. I am in the office all week and on weekend I just want to chill out.

I do connect properly… face to face. I am very lucky to have lots of friends nearby and I see them very regularly. Why would a phone call beat that?

I can talk on the phone via Whatsapp for 2 hours at a time.. But these are planned catch-ups, rather than 10 minutes grabbed here and there.

I don't find it incredibly depressing, I just think these smart phones have made us constantly contactable, unlike when I was growing up in the 90s.. So messaging via the various platforms we are on, facilitates contact rather than impedes it. I 'chat' to friends daily this way, a brief hello and check-in after the weekend, an exchange of photos etc. I feel far more connected tbh.

I prefer a WA that is asking me a quick question, over a call which might not be convenient to answer. We have simply adapted to the times where sending a quick message or VN expedites communication