The idea that the prosecution "proved" Lucy Letby was lying about being cut off from her colleagues is also flawed. The prosecution lawyer kept insisting that since she was included in some parties and group events, she wasn't cut off. But she explained perfectly reasonably why she felt this way, and even if you think she wasn't entirely cut off, I don't see how you turn this into a lie.
BM: All right. I want to ask you next about the period, in fact, after you were removed from clinical duties. So we're looking at the period in July 2016 when you were moved away from clinical duties. Why did you think you were being put in a non-clinical role that July?
LL: That there'd been an increased mortality rate on the unit, and as a result, numerous members of staff were having to go through a competency check and redo their competencies, and that would be starting with myself.
BM: And how did you come to believe that is what was happening?
LL: That's what I was told.
BM: And who were you told that by?
LL: By management within the hospital and
BM: How did you feel when you were removed from clinical duties and were told that your competencies were going to be checked like this?
LL: I was devastated.
BM: Why were you devastated?
LL: Because I've always prided myself on being very competent, and the fact that potentially I hadn't been competent in something really, really affected me. And to be taken away from the job that I loved, it was very difficult.
BM: When you say it really affected you, could you convey to the ladies and gentlemen of the jury the extent of that when you say it really affected you?
LL: It was just, it was life-changing in that moment. I was taken away from the support system that I had on the unit. I was then put into a non-clinical role that I didn't enjoy. I had to pretend to a lot of people that it was a voluntary process, which it wasn't. And from a self-confidence point of view, it completely, well, it made me question everything about myself.
BM: Right. When was it, so far as you can recall, you first discovered that you were being held responsible for harm to babies on the unit or their deaths?
LL: Not until the September of 2016.
BM: What then was it in September 2016 that led you to discovering that you were being held responsible for deaths of babies?
LL: I received a letter from the Royal College of Nursing in which they had been informed that actually the true reason for my redeployment was because I was being held responsible.
BM: We're thinking about, do you remember roughly what date that would have been that you received that letter? Not the precise day, but maybe which month?
LL: It was September.
BM: September 2016?
LL: Yes.
BM: And what was going on that meant you received that letter at about that time? What was taking place or about to start?
LL: So I was looking at putting in a grievance procedure.
BM: About what?
LL: About how I'd been redeployed from the unit and the information that I'd been given in relation to that.
BM: Did you have any idea how many babies you were being held responsible for harming or for their deaths?
LL: No.
BM: How did it make you feel when you received the news that you were being held responsible?
LL: Well, it was sickening. It was... I couldn't believe it.
BM: I want you to describe how best you can—it may not be easy—but describe as best you can what it felt like to have that being said about you, Miss Letby, if you can.
LL: I mean, it was devastating. I don't think there's... I don't think you can be accused of anything worse than that and, yeah, I was just devastated.
BM: Well, you tell us how it affected you. That might be another way of looking at this. What was the effect of this on you? What happened?
LL: I just changed as a person. My mental health deteriorated, and I felt very isolated from my friends and family on the unit and...
BM: Just pausing there. When you say isolated, of course, you'd been removed from the neonatal unit. Had you had friends on the neonatal unit?
LL: Yes, a lot of friends. We were a very supportive unit as well. Regardless of whether we were personal friends, we were a very supportive nursing team.
BM: When you moved on to... Sorry to interrupt you.
LL: It's okay.
BM: When you moved to a non-clinical role and you were being told that you'd undergo the competency testing, were you able to explain that to other people on the unit?
LL: No. So at that time, the hospital advised me not to communicate with anybody on the unit and to sort of go with the pretense that it was a voluntary secondment. And it was identified at that time that there were two or three friends that I would be able to speak to, but otherwise, I was not to have contact with anyone on the unit.
BM: You say it was identified there were two or three friends you could speak to. Who were they?
LL: It was Nurse E, Dr. A, and Mina Lapalainen.
BM: Nurse E?
LL: Yes.
BM: Dr. A?
LL: Yes.
BM: And Mina Lapalainen?
LL: Yes.
BM: You'd said that you'd felt isolated. You had been describing how it felt when you learned you were being blamed for a death or deaths. You made a reference to your mental health. Did you go to and seek any assistance with how it affected you, mentally speaking?
LL: I did, yes. I went to my GP. I wasn't sleeping. I wasn't eating. I just had a complete change in my whole life. And I was starting on some antidepressants at that point, which I remain on now.
BM: So did the GP put you on antidepressants?
LL: Yes.
BM: If it doesn't seem too obvious a question, what's that for? What were you given them for? What state were you in?
LL: They diagnosed me with depression and anxiety at that time.
BM: And you say you've remained on that medication?
LL: Yes.
BM: And are you receiving that now?
LL: Yes.
BM: Do you take any other medication at the moment?
LL: I also take medication to help with sleep, yes. I am unable to sleep without medication.
BM: How bad did the negative feelings get, so far as you're concerned about yourself? How bad?
LL: There were times when I didn’t want to live.
BM: And what did you want to do? What did it make you think of doing?
LL: To myself?
BM: Yes.
LL: I thought of taking my own life.
(Transcript from https://www.reddit.com/r/LucyLetbyTrials/s/AJOfpl25Sp)