My ds keep shaming me

[Sunshining20]

My 4 and 5 year old DS have taken to calling me the worst fattest mum in the world every time I don't give in to TV or snack demands. They also tell me to shut my mouth and hit me. But the calling me fat all the time is relentless.

They come from a loving home and me and my husband parent seemingly the same as our other parent friends. Giving boundaries, organising things like baking and days out and socialise.

Where have we gone wrong? How do we fix this? We have done time outs and explained this language and behaviour isn't acceptable.

It makes me very sad and resentful.

The sheer number of times you’ve written smacked and marked up there does make me think you’re not genuine to be honest.

But think violence against children is ok.

Was this their normal behaviour?

Thank you. Makes sense.

But you have turned into an adult who hits small children.

That's the risk I would say. People who were hit as vulnerable children by their care givers on whom they were dependent, become adults who hit small children. It's not a great cycle to be part of and I am sorry it happened to you and that you perpetuated it.

There is no excuse for adults hitting children. In the same way as there is no excuse for care home staff hitting elderly people with dementia or support workers hitting teenagers with learning difficulties or nurses hitting patients sectioned under the MHA.....there is no excuse for hitting pretty much ever (self defence in a dark alley at night I guess).

You are not ever doing kids a favour by hurting them. You're sending them confusing messages about those you love and trust turning on you. About people who say they care for you causing you fear and pain.

You aren't an ok person who hasn't been in trouble with the police (you would be on some countries for the same actions so it's all context specific) BECAUSE you were hit as a child. You don't need to feel grateful to the person who hurt you. You are ok IN SPITE of an adult abusing their power and position against you when you were small. (And even now you are advocating for other small children to be hurt and confused).

Don't hit kids. Simple.

How much time do you spend working out exactly how hard to hit a child to fit these specific requirements? How do you plan your approach? Direction? Speed? Body part?

It is so weird that you think you will meet these parameters that mean to you it's a fine thing to do to a small child - which also means you hit them as a considered and planned action.

I am thankfully in a different universe where my children have never come near to being at the mercy of you or people who think like you and I find your posts disturbing and upsetting.

100 per cent this. There is also some horrible stuff on YouTube Kids.

One of the greatest things that I took on board rearing my children was to follow through on any threat, punishment.
For them to absolutely believe I meant what I said.

Life was so much easier as a result.
We all knew where we stood.
We left a soft play immediately, only once.
We turned the TV off only once.
They didn't have PS4 for a whole weekend only once.

All I had to say when they were teens bickering over the PS4, "am I going to have to turn the PS4/wifi off for the weekend" for them to quickly resolve the issue of sharing.
They knew I meant business.

I had to train my husband as much as them.
On a couple of occasions he threw out random ridiculous disproportionate punishments of "no cartoons for a week".

I let him have it and told him to take a weeks holidays to police his ridiculous punishment.
He wasn't long getting on message.

I wasn't policing HIS punishments, HE would, alone.

Once you resort to violence there is no where else to go.

Grew up where smacking was a way to control. All it did was make us laugh in the face of the person assaulting us because that was a last resort and we knew there was nothing they could do.

My mother smacked me so I smacked her back

I dispute that smacking never did you any harm.
It made you into a violent person who couldn’t control theirselves and thought hitting a child was the way to go.

Would you hit a random stranger if you thought their behaviour wasn’t acceptable to you
If not why not if you think hitting is what you do to correct someone