Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting mil to stay

106 replies

WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 18:51

I probably am bu but I don’t care!
my mil is hard work - we do get on now in small doses I can tolerate her for a few hours
But even my teenagers are fed up with her after a few hours!
anyway yes there is history she’s been nasty and I’ve bitten back and we’ve had fall outs however we are ok now - as I say only in small short doses

however Today she’s announced that she’s moving 5 hours away (she currently lives just over an hours drive away)
and the new place it’s about 3.5-4 on a train five hours drive!
this will mean she will 100% want to stay over!!
Help my husband is spineless and won’t say no! - He’s pathetic and literally can’t say anything to her.

she has stayed in the past and honestly it was so bad we had a fall out for almost a year once
was bliss where she didn’t talk to us!
but I can’t be arsed with the drama!

and before anyone says it “do I have my family to stay?” the answer is also - hell NO…

I don’t like house guests full stop

I can tolerate short day visits, probably an occasional night, but she would (& did take the piss)
She once stayed 5 nights because we’d asked her to babysit for a night out occasion! And when I asked her how much longer are you planning on staying , she got so pissed off and said I’ll leave then shall I !! And literally slammed doors and walked out there and then!
I was like ffs ok you’ve been here five days already , bye then! - It’s just so immature
seriously you can’t have a conversation with her - cant ask simple questions, because she becomes insulted and flustered and pissed off “you don’t want me blah blah blah” (well no actually I don’t)
but unfortunately my husband does!!!
Send help!! Advice, tips , excuses??

OP posts:
Pasta4Dinner · 07/02/2026 18:54

Why is she moving so far away. Can’t you send DH to her?

pinkyredrose · 07/02/2026 18:57

Was your husband spineless when you met him? x

Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 18:57

Pasta4Dinner · 07/02/2026 18:54

Why is she moving so far away. Can’t you send DH to her?

Might have to!
She will want to see grandkids though
she’s moving to be near her brother that needs care and two friends that she grew up with one is poorly and she wants to spend more time with her

OP posts:
Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 18:59

pinkyredrose · 07/02/2026 18:57

Was your husband spineless when you met him? x

Didn’t realise until it was far too late but yeah probably I thought it was kindness and maybe it is he just cannot seem to say no to a lot of people says he has a duty
or should blah blah

OP posts:
Wakemeupinapril · 07/02/2026 19:00

Send her links to local Airbnb properties.. And don't back down.

Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:01

Wakemeupinapril · 07/02/2026 19:00

Send her links to local Airbnb properties.. And don't back down.

This is exactly what I was thinking honestly
but wondered if it was really insulting
and she’s such a sensitive character anyway

OP posts:
BaileysHotChocolateByThePool · 07/02/2026 19:01

Don't leave it to DH tell her yourself you don't do house guests so she'll need a hotel if she plans to visit.

Say it everytime after that its brought up.

If she rocks up/husband let's her come you leave, go to a hotel. When you go back you tell DH if it happens again its the end. They both need to know you are serious.

I can't do house guests either. Some people just need privacy and a safe space. But after your past experience you shouldn't have to host.

Good luck

Soonenough · 07/02/2026 19:02

You don't sound very nice sorry . Liking your mother doesn't make a person spineless . Don't want your own family around either . Who do you like ?

Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:03

BaileysHotChocolateByThePool · 07/02/2026 19:01

Don't leave it to DH tell her yourself you don't do house guests so she'll need a hotel if she plans to visit.

Say it everytime after that its brought up.

If she rocks up/husband let's her come you leave, go to a hotel. When you go back you tell DH if it happens again its the end. They both need to know you are serious.

I can't do house guests either. Some people just need privacy and a safe space. But after your past experience you shouldn't have to host.

Good luck

Thank you that’s really helpful and good advice it is kinda what I was thinking.

OP posts:
namechangeabc123 · 07/02/2026 19:04

Never say yes in the first place. Turn your spare room into a gym or something. Set that boundary from the start. I said yes to my MIL, many years ago, when she invited herself to come and stay. Over the years it snowballed and it’s now a constant battle to keep her away. WTF is wrong with these women. I’d never do that to my kids! Once a year is ok, but any more than that is a massive piss take.

Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:05

Soonenough · 07/02/2026 19:02

You don't sound very nice sorry . Liking your mother doesn't make a person spineless . Don't want your own family around either . Who do you like ?

Maybe I’m not
i like people that have mutual respect ,can respect privacy and boundaries
Didn’t say I didn’t want them around at all
i I said I didn’t want them sleeping over
i do not need to see somebody else’s face that I don’t live with for 16 hours of the day and have someone in my personal space literally every single awake moment because that is what they do
i feel like I can’t breathe so if that makes me bad then so be it

OP posts:
SBGM247 · 07/02/2026 19:10

BaileysHotChocolateByThePool · 07/02/2026 19:01

Don't leave it to DH tell her yourself you don't do house guests so she'll need a hotel if she plans to visit.

Say it everytime after that its brought up.

If she rocks up/husband let's her come you leave, go to a hotel. When you go back you tell DH if it happens again its the end. They both need to know you are serious.

I can't do house guests either. Some people just need privacy and a safe space. But after your past experience you shouldn't have to host.

Good luck

This.

Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:10

namechangeabc123 · 07/02/2026 19:04

Never say yes in the first place. Turn your spare room into a gym or something. Set that boundary from the start. I said yes to my MIL, many years ago, when she invited herself to come and stay. Over the years it snowballed and it’s now a constant battle to keep her away. WTF is wrong with these women. I’d never do that to my kids! Once a year is ok, but any more than that is a massive piss take.

Yes!! This is literally what happened with us!!
we said yes in the beginning it turned into every weekend then became Thursday to Sunday! I’m not even joking
it was a complete piss take and honestly I think it was all about having a second chance at motherhood as that’s what she did and took 95% over my baby! I was a young first time mum and was overwhelmed and she took advantage of this, and no I won’t ever forget.
it’s bad and I’d never ever treat my children the way she did and does! I respect them for a start and would hate to intrude upon their lives

OP posts:
SBGM247 · 07/02/2026 19:12

WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:05

Maybe I’m not
i like people that have mutual respect ,can respect privacy and boundaries
Didn’t say I didn’t want them around at all
i I said I didn’t want them sleeping over
i do not need to see somebody else’s face that I don’t live with for 16 hours of the day and have someone in my personal space literally every single awake moment because that is what they do
i feel like I can’t breathe so if that makes me bad then so be it

Show quote history

It's her choice to move 5 hours away. I was in a similar position years ago and long story short, I had to cut off my mother to protect my DW and kids. Because like you say didn't understand boundaries. And yes, she moved away and expected everyone to just travel. Which we did at first. Silly me.

Applecup · 07/02/2026 19:14

So she’s moving closer to her brother and friends who need help. She doesn’t sound a bad person. I wonder what her side of the story is.

LindorDoubleChoc · 07/02/2026 19:18

Presumably you co-own your house with DH and he gets a say in who comes to stay? Or does your attitude towards him = he's spineless because he wants to maintain a relationship with his Mum?

Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:18

Applecup · 07/02/2026 19:14

So she’s moving closer to her brother and friends who need help. She doesn’t sound a bad person. I wonder what her side of the story is.

Probably very different
i didn’t say she was a bad person she does what she wants to do but doesn’t ask or take anyone else’s opinion on anything it’s her way or no way there’s no give or take it’s all her terms
I don’t think she’s evil she just wants to be overly involved in what I consider intrusive and too overbearing
it’s not what I want or need
maybe for some it’s good
she wants to be very involved that’s great news for some it’s just too much for me, I don’t need days and days with somebody with no breaks I like quiet and down time

OP posts:
Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:20

LindorDoubleChoc · 07/02/2026 19:18

Presumably you co-own your house with DH and he gets a say in who comes to stay? Or does your attitude towards him = he's spineless because he wants to maintain a relationship with his Mum?

Actually I own it
I inherited it from family great grandparents
but I just don’t like house guests he goes on plenty of mates holidays and trips away etc I just don’t like people starting in my space

OP posts:
nomas · 07/02/2026 19:24

namechangeabc123 · 07/02/2026 19:04

Never say yes in the first place. Turn your spare room into a gym or something. Set that boundary from the start. I said yes to my MIL, many years ago, when she invited herself to come and stay. Over the years it snowballed and it’s now a constant battle to keep her away. WTF is wrong with these women. I’d never do that to my kids! Once a year is ok, but any more than that is a massive piss take.

💯 this. Be clear from the start that she needs to book a hotel or bnb.

nomas · 07/02/2026 19:26

Soonenough · 07/02/2026 19:02

You don't sound very nice sorry . Liking your mother doesn't make a person spineless . Don't want your own family around either . Who do you like ?

But OP is the one who has been overtaken by Mil, she doesn’t have to put up with that behaviour.

Why is it when women try to put in place boundaries for their own mental well being, they’re told that they’re not being nice?

Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:30

nomas · 07/02/2026 19:26

But OP is the one who has been overtaken by Mil, she doesn’t have to put up with that behaviour.

Why is it when women try to put in place boundaries for their own mental well being, they’re told that they’re not being nice?

Show quote history

Probably expected to be a doormat!!
id personally respect other people’s boundaries and id ask what is expected
not just turn up with an open ended invitation in mind!!
id also respect my husband if it were him saying that he didn’t want or like something to happen
i like to communicate so I know exactly what is expected
unfortunately he and his mother do none of that

OP posts:
DillyDallyingAllDay · 07/02/2026 19:32

Just want to put it out there that I have a friend whose mil lives 3000 miles away and she comes to stay for 6 months!l Found out about this a few days ago and can’t get over it 🤯🤯

Original poster
WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:33

DillyDallyingAllDay · 07/02/2026 19:32

Just want to put it out there that I have a friend whose mil lives 3000 miles away and she comes to stay for 6 months!l Found out about this a few days ago and can’t get over it 🤯🤯

Wow!!! Just wow!!

OP posts:
rockingroller · 07/02/2026 19:37

You could tell her that if she moves she's welcome to come for one night stays, but you find house guests stressful and can't manage longer. Tell DH the same.

Zanatdy · 07/02/2026 19:37

WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 19:33

Wow!!! Just wow!!

Show quote history

Pretty common as the visit visa is valid for 6 months. Colleagues at work have parents / in-laws coming for 6 months too, and you never hear them complain about it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread