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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not wanting mil to stay

106 replies

WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 18:51

I probably am bu but I don’t care!
my mil is hard work - we do get on now in small doses I can tolerate her for a few hours
But even my teenagers are fed up with her after a few hours!
anyway yes there is history she’s been nasty and I’ve bitten back and we’ve had fall outs however we are ok now - as I say only in small short doses

however Today she’s announced that she’s moving 5 hours away (she currently lives just over an hours drive away)
and the new place it’s about 3.5-4 on a train five hours drive!
this will mean she will 100% want to stay over!!
Help my husband is spineless and won’t say no! - He’s pathetic and literally can’t say anything to her.

she has stayed in the past and honestly it was so bad we had a fall out for almost a year once
was bliss where she didn’t talk to us!
but I can’t be arsed with the drama!

and before anyone says it “do I have my family to stay?” the answer is also - hell NO…

I don’t like house guests full stop

I can tolerate short day visits, probably an occasional night, but she would (& did take the piss)
She once stayed 5 nights because we’d asked her to babysit for a night out occasion! And when I asked her how much longer are you planning on staying , she got so pissed off and said I’ll leave then shall I !! And literally slammed doors and walked out there and then!
I was like ffs ok you’ve been here five days already , bye then! - It’s just so immature
seriously you can’t have a conversation with her - cant ask simple questions, because she becomes insulted and flustered and pissed off “you don’t want me blah blah blah” (well no actually I don’t)
but unfortunately my husband does!!!
Send help!! Advice, tips , excuses??

OP posts:
Wendiej · 09/02/2026 08:21

WhyWomen26 · 07/02/2026 18:51

I probably am bu but I don’t care!
my mil is hard work - we do get on now in small doses I can tolerate her for a few hours
But even my teenagers are fed up with her after a few hours!
anyway yes there is history she’s been nasty and I’ve bitten back and we’ve had fall outs however we are ok now - as I say only in small short doses

however Today she’s announced that she’s moving 5 hours away (she currently lives just over an hours drive away)
and the new place it’s about 3.5-4 on a train five hours drive!
this will mean she will 100% want to stay over!!
Help my husband is spineless and won’t say no! - He’s pathetic and literally can’t say anything to her.

she has stayed in the past and honestly it was so bad we had a fall out for almost a year once
was bliss where she didn’t talk to us!
but I can’t be arsed with the drama!

and before anyone says it “do I have my family to stay?” the answer is also - hell NO…

I don’t like house guests full stop

I can tolerate short day visits, probably an occasional night, but she would (& did take the piss)
She once stayed 5 nights because we’d asked her to babysit for a night out occasion! And when I asked her how much longer are you planning on staying , she got so pissed off and said I’ll leave then shall I !! And literally slammed doors and walked out there and then!
I was like ffs ok you’ve been here five days already , bye then! - It’s just so immature
seriously you can’t have a conversation with her - cant ask simple questions, because she becomes insulted and flustered and pissed off “you don’t want me blah blah blah” (well no actually I don’t)
but unfortunately my husband does!!!
Send help!! Advice, tips , excuses??

I'm with u on this huni , my other halfs mother lives about 2 hours away from us after years of shit I told him that's it now if want to vist and stay over we not staying in house never again so go to a local hotel i can't handle to drama and the whole crap of the family thats y we moved away u need to tell him enough is enough sod it x

FluffyBenji23 · 09/02/2026 08:41

I have boundaries with certain relatives too. In this case though as it is your MIL I 🤔 I'd book and pay for the Airbnb. You may find she even prefers her own space and the cost would be well worth it for my mental health!

MyballsareSandy2015 · 09/02/2026 08:45

Christ I just spent 3 nights at my DDs … maybe I need to ring and apologise!

CrazyGoatLady · 09/02/2026 08:57

MyballsareSandy2015 · 09/02/2026 08:45

Christ I just spent 3 nights at my DDs … maybe I need to ring and apologise!

It's fine if staying over with family in their home works for you all. Some people love to host, some people like being guests. I just don't understand why people push it as a thing you have to do to host/stay with family when it really doesn't work and nobody is actually happy when you do.

thepariscrimefiles · 09/02/2026 09:19

Hedgehogforshort · 07/02/2026 19:47

These sort of MIL posts make me feel so sad.

As a mother I would remind myself that the man i loved was made in her womb, she fed and nurtured him and was always loyal and loving to him.

And he loves her still.

She drove me nuts sometimes with her interfering behaviours and opinions, and i moaned like hell at my DH about her sometimes major infractions.

I look back in shame of some of the things i said.

I am a MIL now and a grandmother of three from two children. I do my best but am certain i am not perfect.

I once was you, and one day you will be me, so try and compromise, whatever that looks like.

Why on earth does this post about OP's MIL make you feel sad? OP feels the way she does because of her MIL's behaviour. MILs aren't automatically programmed to interfere, to be nasty and to piss their DILs off like OP's MIL has done. It is a choice they make and they then need to deal with the consequences of their own actions.

My ex-MIL was a horror and I ended up hating her guts. I have made sure that I treat both my DILs with kindness and respect. It's not difficult.

nomas · 09/02/2026 10:07

Wendiej · 09/02/2026 08:21

I'm with u on this huni , my other halfs mother lives about 2 hours away from us after years of shit I told him that's it now if want to vist and stay over we not staying in house never again so go to a local hotel i can't handle to drama and the whole crap of the family thats y we moved away u need to tell him enough is enough sod it x

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Good for you. Does MIL stay in a hotel now?

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