To say it isn't worth working full time with young kids unless you earn very well?

[Karma1387]

I have done a few posts recently and on a couple its come up frequently how insane it is to give up work/pension etc when having children which made me really think am I being unreasonable and should I try to go back to full time work after DC2 maternity leave.

I went through finances today to look into my partner taking a paycut due to wanting to get him off nights for his health and then looked at how much better/ worse off we would be if I then went and found a full time job.

I was honestly shocked how much worse off we would be with him taking a paycut to come off nights and me finding a full time job and putting the kids into childcare. We would be about £750 short each month. We do have a bit of debt which would mean we were only £250 short but I can't understand where the logic/motivation is to go back to full time work whilst kids are young if you are worse off or break even.

I would need to earn 40k in order to break even. For people who aren't in high earning professions I just can't understand how they afford to work full time and put kids into childcare. Even when the kids hit school age with before and after school care plus school holidays we would only be a little over breaking even if I worked full time!

I understand people talk about pensions but on a 24k salary (assuming you didn't work your way up) the pension at 67 would only be 5k a year. So what is the point really?

AIBU to say it really isn't worth working full time with kids (that require childcare) unless you are earning a very good salary?

Why all the fretting then?

looking back at the cost of childcare around 12/13 years ago, I’m amazed. At one point, I was paying £2300 a month for 2 children to do 32 hours per week. And I took home around £1,300. However, if u had given up my job, I wouldn’t have been able to get the job I have now where I take home £4k per month. And I’m also not cut out to be a stay at home mum. I feel very privileged to have been able to make this choice.

It wasn't about fretting it was a curious question about is this the reality that both parents working full time with chikdcare costs is almost impossible unless you earn a good amount of money.

Its a bit of a fret as I wanted my partner off nights for his health so I was looking at how to facilitate it by working full time myself and suddenly discovered it isnt financially feasible which seems insane to me.

I am assuming your partner earned well then? Otherwise I assume you went into a significant amount of debt if you only brought home £1300 but paid out £2300 in childcare. Thats negative £1000 before you even start paying bills!

Could you take an extra night once your husband moves to days still no child care and the extra shift would help a little with his pay cut?

I would likely have to come off nights if my partner went to days as he wouldnt have fixed shifts so he could work anywhere from 7am-10pm monday- sunday and it would change whereas my night shifts are 9pm-6am so there would be a risk of cross over which we wouldnt be able to het childcare for.

If he moved onto days i woukd have to look for a part time daytime vacancy during nursery hours.

It's barely worth it with a high salary these days!

The cost of living is ridiculous, salaries have not kept up, the tax free allowance being frozen means more and more people are paying a higher rate and the £100k 60% marginal rate is utter madness.

24k is very low - is it less than MW?

24k a year is just above the new minimum wage from April. Based on 36 paid hours. 40 working hours 9-5.

I haven’t RTFT but read your replies and can’t see you having mentioned it. Have you considered school nursery at 3. My LG went to the local primary school 5 full days a week, we just paid a few pound a day to cover the extra hour a day that took it over 30 hours. It does mean you need to cover school holidays but definitely cheaper overall than having two in private nursery

The issue is we would need childcare from 7.30- 5.30 which the only school nursery with have in our town don't offer. They only do 8.45-11.45 and 12-3. We would also be having to handle drop off to 2 separate nurserys.

Plus having to find a full time nursery place for the holidays would be a absolute nightmare!

But thank you for the suggestion I didn't know school nursery existed until I just googled it. Its a shame the hours don't work for full time workers.

We paid £4 a day (-20% tax free ) and DD could stay the hour over lunch, check to see if that is an option. There will be a childminder who is likely already attending to pick up other kids from the school, more than one probably. Over school holidays we take it in turns to use annual leave, there’s bound to be other parents who would do a do care and you do one back. There’s always summer clubs running too. Keep it in mind whilst you explore your options, even if you do it for the youngest when they reach 3 and the older will be in reception

They dont open until 8.45 and they shut at 3. I would need childcare 7.30-5.30 maybe 6.30. I have had a look at a few school nurseries outside our town and they are all the same only open 9-3. Not much help for those who need a full days daycare plus holidays.

Having a full time job isnt worth pullling my son out of a nursery they are comfortable in and having them go from childminder- nursery- childminder 5 days a week. Then have to go to a totally different childcare over the holidays.

I also wouldn't let a random other parent look after my child or me look after their child.

I really appreciate the suggestion but that level of stress and bouncing around care givers on a 3 year old isn't something I am willing to put my son through.

I don't think you can generalise so much. Every situation is very different. But why does the choice have to be just full time or SAHM. . There are compromises between the two. Or at least for many there are.
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That's what I chose. My children are 13-18 now and I have stayed part time the whole time after working full time for 8 years beforehand. Obviously child care costs have almost doubled since we had to pay for it but my salary had gone up so much more significantly in that time, even without career progression. I have done a good job at work but my children are always my priority hence no promotions,but also no missed milestones /events.
I expect to retire in 5 -10 years, our mortgage was paid off 3 years ago, we have lovely holidays, we're helping my daughter through university. My children have loved their childhood, I have loved their childhood. I am very grateful to have been able to work part time. I was the only one of my childhood friends to go back to work after having children and I am now the only one of these friends to be living a financially very comfortable life.
I would 100% encourage my girls to think 10 years ahead before making a decision that limits your earning potential and long term financial security so much. .

Good luck! If you have experience in retail with the public, you can lean on that for part time public-facing roles. My accounts job involves a bit of reception work.

I think that the time children are little goes by way to fast. Once that time is gone you don't get it back. If it costs more or you only just break even in going back to work then I wouldn't... certainly not while they're very young.
I'm so relieved that I had that time with mine and I have no regrets.
I know it's not for everyone though!

It’s very difficult OP.

Round here nurseries are now £2300-2600 a month ish.

Even with the free hours that would go down to £1700 or so.

I’ll have spent £100k per child on childcare to school age. So £200k for two.

And it goes up by 5-10% every year. Unlike my base salary.

Where are all these jobs where you work your way up to earn 40k / 50k? Not everyone in the company can do that. If there were that many well paying jobs around there wouldn't be a problem. What about people who didn't go to uni? Or who are working in places where people just don't earn that much.

Yes no way if pay to work. We both work part time when I'm not off work breastfeeding my babies and we are poor but happy. The top up the government gives us is less than they would give us to subsidise nursery.

How are you not a role model for your kids if you spend time looking after them when they’re young? Seems pretty dismissive of motherhood and early years education and nurturing to me.

I really hate how judgmental some women are about SAHMs when a lot of them also freely admit they’re not cut out for it.

My DC are now older teens/young adults.
I didnt go back to work for an employer until youngest DC started school but I did start my own business which sort of! fitted around being at home for them.
Its really tough particurlarly when you have more than one that needs childcare and no family help.
Funding for childcare is a lot better now, starts earlier and for more hours, but its still expensive.
Important thing to remember is that its not just your salary that childcare comes out of but both your incomes, jointly.
Tbh my job progression and earning potential and pension did take a significant hit. Whilst DHs career progressed and salary increased and pension grew.
But i did love my time being at home for the children, although at times it was exhausting and emotionally draining there was also a lot of fun and i loved the freedom.
There is no right or wrong decision but being a sahm does make you vulnerable and can impact your earning potential and pension long term.
A close friend went back to work at a financial loss but her career took off, when she split up with her dh she was financially secure and she will have a fantastic pension.
So it may well make sense now to stay at home and it will probably also be what your heart is telling you to do but it will also come at a cost even if its further down the line.

I can see where you are coming from.

We had very generous family support with our first and so we both worked. With the second I’m working part time, from home so it’s not too bad and manageable. I did start looking for full time roles last year, but the logistics of childcare freaked me out and I didn’t get the jobs anyway. But I realise I wouldn’t have had such flexibility in my job if I didn’t work my way up in the first place. So you almost work up so that you can be flexible.

I would say working part time means that I’m at least able to feel confident interviewing. I’ve been picking up some freelance gigs. Financially we are not great, but coping.

Overall I think it’s important to do something towards your career, even if the kids are young. I have a few friends that have taken a whole decade off, and they don’t even know where to start with work.

Id say if you aren’t working, train or have a little thing you do so you are not rusty if you want to get back into work one day.

Got to look at it long term, keeping my job means that I keep my career going except for the maternity leave. This means my pay continues to go up a little each year, my pension is ticking over, I'm available for promotions etc. if I had left to be a SAHM I would struggle to get a role at anywhere near the pay I get now. I'd have to almost start again in lower paid roles and would take so long to catch up. My earning potential is way better by staying in continuous employment. I only really broke even while I was paying for nursery, but now both kids are at school, my decision is paying off.

Also consider part-time as you can keep career going and see the children!

It’s not just about money though. I worked full time with children, as did DH and we didn’t use childcare (made it work by working opposite days/shifts). However, if we could not have achieved this, we would have had to put them into nursery/childcare, not because we needed to earn the money as we could have lived off one salary, but for sanity sake. While we both loved them very much and were both very happy to both be ‘full time parents’ avoiding any childcare by covering it all between us, neither of us could have coped with only being at home with kids with no other purpose, it would have severely affected our mental health.

Of course this meant little to no sleep a lot of the time to fit it all in but it was the best trade off to have best of both worlds (with a lovely financial bonus out if it with no childcare fees and 2 salaries, which really enabled us to get ahead as a nice side effect), would do it again in a heartbeat if had to do a do over.