To say it isn't worth working full time with young kids unless you earn very well?

[Karma1387]

I have done a few posts recently and on a couple its come up frequently how insane it is to give up work/pension etc when having children which made me really think am I being unreasonable and should I try to go back to full time work after DC2 maternity leave.

I went through finances today to look into my partner taking a paycut due to wanting to get him off nights for his health and then looked at how much better/ worse off we would be if I then went and found a full time job.

I was honestly shocked how much worse off we would be with him taking a paycut to come off nights and me finding a full time job and putting the kids into childcare. We would be about £750 short each month. We do have a bit of debt which would mean we were only £250 short but I can't understand where the logic/motivation is to go back to full time work whilst kids are young if you are worse off or break even.

I would need to earn 40k in order to break even. For people who aren't in high earning professions I just can't understand how they afford to work full time and put kids into childcare. Even when the kids hit school age with before and after school care plus school holidays we would only be a little over breaking even if I worked full time!

I understand people talk about pensions but on a 24k salary (assuming you didn't work your way up) the pension at 67 would only be 5k a year. So what is the point really?

AIBU to say it really isn't worth working full time with kids (that require childcare) unless you are earning a very good salary?

I worked part time (3 days a week) when my kids were very small and we had a childminder who was cheaper than nurseries.
It was bloody good thing I did because my DH lost his job, had to reskill and I went back full time. If I hadn’t been working we would have been fucked.
When DH went back to work we flexed to collect the kids from school 2 days a week and they went to an after school club.
Staying in work, meant we had more options and were in a safer place as a family.

We wouldn't be able to afford private secondary as they are around 30k a year each! We are aiming for Grammar but the primarys around us arent good so we worry about that affecting their chances plus th3 classroom sizes etc in state primarys.

Did you go part time in the same field you were previously full time? We didnt have this option so I had to give up my career and drop back to the bottom to work part time.

Its still a huge commitment for primary, and no guarantee to get into grammar.

I totally get your point and thats why its just a discussion point at the moment. Worst case I will homeschool through Primary or until year 3 if I don't feel comfortable with the state primary schools in our area.

Yeah I totally get that. It isnt a commitment we could take on lightly!

It may be I homeschool for primary instead or until year 3 if we can move to a better area by that point.

But I have another year or so to decide at least.

So working part time in my basic night retail we have around £600 spare a month which we are using to pay down debt. If I went full time and partner took a paycut to move onto days we would then be £500-£750 in debt each month with childcare costs.

We don't have holidays or anything at the moment. Only 1 car. Our focus has been paying down the debt we had from prior to our relationship plus the debt we aquired when my partner couldn't work whilst waiting for his sleep apnea diagnosis after crashing his car.

We have (or will have) 2 children. I assume you dont work for minimum wage if you clear 2k a month aftee childcare?

Whereas if I went back to full time it would be in a new sector at the bottom so minimum wage.

If you want your kids to get into a grammar, homeschooling might be a bit of a risk? Unless you're a teacher. Could you or your partner train for that, it would be better pay in the end?
Teaching assistants work school hours, so that might be better than retail for a start. You need something with normal hours to make the juggling easier I think. Low wages and shifts is the worst of both worlds.

Unfortunately my partner wouldn't be at home in the evenings. His hours would be between 7am-10pm Monday-Sunday and they wouldn't be set in stone shifts for me to be able to work around. Generally he would be doing a mixture of earlies and lates so its very hard to work around.

I would actually have to find a different part time job if he went onto days as my night shifts would cross over with his day shifts.

I couldn’t afford to work when I had my first baby, but I also couldn’t afford not to work. The nursery place cost more per day than I brought home per day, for one baby. They also wouldn’t take the baby until a minimum age of 6 weeks.

Yet I still had to work because I turned out to be the sole earner, I had to feed the baby and myself, and with a mortgage to pay to keep a roof over our heads what else was I going to do? I couldn’t get benefits so I had to just find as much work as I could as quickly as I could and take the baby with me.

Pensions to me then were something you got from the government when you were old and I’d never had one, nobody I knew was paying into one. Career progression wasn’t something to think of unless you meant working more hours/getting more shifts.

I'm not sure it would be much more of a risk than sending them to the poor primary schools in our area. Especially if we could just do it until year 3 and move to a better area by that point. My partner couldn't give up his career as we couldn't afford to live.

Teaching assistant pay is shocking with the fact they dont get paid for holidays. My brother is a TA. It probably wouldnt be much more earning than my part time retail job so it wouldnt help cover the loss of money if partner takes a paycut to work days. We would also still have to pay nursery for both kids so it really would be financially crippling.

Also personally I hate the education system especially for primary schools so I don't think I could work somewhere I don't agree with the system.

@SheSpeaks "I had to just find as much work as I could as quickly as I could and take the baby with me"
What job was it that let you take the baby with you? Unless you're a childminder?
The OP works in retail.

Oh thats really tough, honestly I think your situation is fairly unique and it would be such a pressure for you to go into full time work for less money due to nursery and put all that stress on the family. I also dont think it shows a bad role model like people on here seem to think. I worked from when DS2 was 3 but he was on free hrs at pre school and friends/family collected him for me as it was only 2 or 3 days a week at that point. He didnt really understand what it meant to be at work at that age anyway and he loved pre school, he asked to go more. Once they were older they saw that both me and their dad were working so it was fine.

My mum didnt work till I was 15, I still have a good work ethic as does my sibling. It really isnt as deep as MN makes out. It was amazing having my mum around for our childhood.

You have to do what is right for your family, if you had a job currently that meant you would lose a career then I would say dont do it but in your circumstances I honestly wouldnt get a minimum wage full time job till closer to the DC going to school.

Yes, I went part time in the same field. I had a conversation with my employer while I was pregnant and agreed to drop to 3 days.

Would have been easier if that had been an option for me. Unfortunately in my situation it wasnt possible.

We went into debt so I could return to work very quickly. We did it eyes open knowing that 3yrs was the break even point and every year after would be a gain,

It is short term pain for long term gain.

To come back to your thread title, OP, I think we can all conclude, from your updates and all the contributions to the thread, that the answer in general is that it almost always is worth it, but in your very specific circumstances (and, frankly, the limits you are placing on your options) the answer is no. Which you’d already concluded.

I worked wherever and whenever I could. I delivered leaflets and newspapers door to door, I worked piecework from home attaching bows and stickers to greetings cards and packaged them in cellophane. I worked as a cleaner, a babysitter, a mothers help, I walked dogs, wrote letters content and articles for a local organisation, started and ran a local baby group, answered phones for a local author, wrote quizzes which I sold to local pubs, ran an eBay shop, whatever I could do I did.

I was in the situation where I suddenly had a days old baby and unexpectedly zero household income. I had to go and find work. Eventually I did qualify for some help but still had to work multiple roles and childcare was prohibitively expensive as the OP is saying.

I think the comments have been very mixed on if its actually worth it. Most seem to agree they wouldn't go into debt for it but if it was just breaking even then they consider it worth it for the career progression. Its been veey interesting hearing everyones opinion and experiences.

My circumstances 100% mean for us it doesnt make any financial sense. Although not sure what you mean about the limits I am putting on my options?

Yes or they could reverse roles. I don’t really care as long as the children are ok

Yes of course the Dad can do all this too and the wife goes to work. It really doesn’t matter which. I just think to have parents that can do all the school/breakfast/ home care etc is much better than paying someone to do it. Seems daft to go to work on a low wage and then spend all that low wage in someone to help. Also if only one parent is working they may be able to claim universal credit

A lot of these comments forget a very harsh truth, most men don’t really feel any pangs of emotion leaving their kid in a nursery setting. I rarely hear any bloke say he was crying leaving his kid in nursery like I’ve heard women. In a time where shared parental leave is readily available, why isn’t the uptake of men hitting 50%?

Child benefit goes towards pension contributions and has done since 2016.

Career progress is great but how many jobs nowadays are really going to earn you the big bucks and are worth working for free to put kids in nursery? Wages have truly stagnated and childcare costs are through the roof.

A lot of women don’t feel empowered in a time where we apparently have ‘so many choices’ to say theyd rather be at home with their kids. So much shame that you’re not economically active and so dismissive of how hard it is raising kids.

I assume most men arent taking the shared parental leave as the either can't afford to or because the mum doesn't want to cut her leave short.

There is no way I would give up my maternity leave for my partner to take shared parental leave.

Neither did I. Neither do most couples. This is the point I was making on “well why doesn’t dad do it, not just mum”.

I think you have to decide what’s best for you and your family. No one but you and your partner know what’s going to make your family work best. There’s a lot of logic and reasoning but ultimately, having kids is a leap of faith and you sometimes have to go with your gut and stand by your decision. For me, all logic went out the window - I just wanted to be with my kids and I’m economically able to.