To say it isn't worth working full time with young kids unless you earn very well?

[Karma1387]

I have done a few posts recently and on a couple its come up frequently how insane it is to give up work/pension etc when having children which made me really think am I being unreasonable and should I try to go back to full time work after DC2 maternity leave.

I went through finances today to look into my partner taking a paycut due to wanting to get him off nights for his health and then looked at how much better/ worse off we would be if I then went and found a full time job.

I was honestly shocked how much worse off we would be with him taking a paycut to come off nights and me finding a full time job and putting the kids into childcare. We would be about £750 short each month. We do have a bit of debt which would mean we were only £250 short but I can't understand where the logic/motivation is to go back to full time work whilst kids are young if you are worse off or break even.

I would need to earn 40k in order to break even. For people who aren't in high earning professions I just can't understand how they afford to work full time and put kids into childcare. Even when the kids hit school age with before and after school care plus school holidays we would only be a little over breaking even if I worked full time!

I understand people talk about pensions but on a 24k salary (assuming you didn't work your way up) the pension at 67 would only be 5k a year. So what is the point really?

AIBU to say it really isn't worth working full time with kids (that require childcare) unless you are earning a very good salary?

It doesn’t sound like your husband has a career, could he be the one to cut down and you focus on yours?

It might not be worth it if you're not in a job with solid career progression. I doubled my salary in the 5 years between the end of my first maternity leave and both children being in school (we only got 15 free hours after the age of 3, so when they both started school we felt like lottery winners). We were only in deficit for about 2 years out of those 5, and it was easy enough to cover from savings. But I appreciate if you're in a minimum wage job and unlikely to progress then it makes more sense to stay at home whilst you've got pre-schoolers.

I am technically still working although only part time retail. If i went full time eventually it would be to a totally different sector due to the hours in retai not working for childcare.

Tbh even on a decent salary we found it wasn't worth me working. DH's salary means we don't get the 30 hours free childcare so we were paying full whack for nursery, then before and after school club for our oldest. I think those two came to just over 2.2k a month but I also needed to go into London twice a week which cost another £250 a month. There was also parking at the station, clothes for work etc. my salary was 55k which left me with a take home of 3.2k after tax, NI, student loans. We worked out once all was said and done the actual profit from me going to work and earning that amount was less than £500 a month, and that doesn't take into account all the convenience spending we were doing because we had no spare time. We decided it wasn't worth it and I quit about 18 months ago.

But I love being a SAHM so it's not a sacrifice for me to give up work, sanity has value and there are plenty of people who would hate to be at home so I get choosing to work even if the finances don't stack up.

i would have gone mad staying home. It doesn’t feel like it at the time, but it’s temporary. The world of work is shifting so fast and finding a decent job is not easy. So if you’re in one, I’d say hold tight. The nursery years pass quickly.

My partner is in the same career I was in pre kids although he currently earns more than I did and his long term plan is to move upwards with very good pay opportunities.

Why does he get to have that option but not you if you’re also career minded? My DH was also earning more than me when we had kids, as I stated I now earn twice what he does (4 times as much as I was back then) that wouldn’t have happened if I’d taken my foot of the pedal.

I'm only in part time basic retail now. I had to quit my management job as the hours couldn't work with childcare.

I'm honestly a bit scared about the future with pensions. I did the stupid young person thing of paying the bare minimum in during my 20's thinking I had loads of time (and also not planning to have kids). Then have basically either been on mat leave or working pt for the last 10 years because, as you say, it was financially more logical for me to be at home than earning the equivalent or less than the cost of childcare.

Basically can never get divorced 🫣😅 would be destitute. Which isn't a nice feeling. I like DH don't get me wrong, no current plans to change anything there, but would rather feel like I had more of a choice.

One of us had to quit due to the hours not working with childcare. I am the primary carer and my partner wasn't interested in being a stay at home parent or part time worker whereas I knew I wanted more kids and wanted to be with the kids as much as possible.

i don’t understand a life choice for settles for low pay for unskilled work forever.

why would you not learn a skill? Any skill is better than none! You’ve been a manager so must have some level of experience you can draw on. What was so unsuitable about the hours? Try again for a different company?

Look at the 5 hour club online also - basic jobs available between 9&3pm

The point is that you don’t earn £24k every year over your whole career; your salary increases with experience, which you can only get by being in work. Kids are in pre-school care for only a few years, there are a lot of years left to work after that.

It was tough in the early years and paying majority of my wages to childcare. I worked FT as the nursery years are easier. It meant I had good trust with my employer, requested flexi time and reduced my hours when they are school - it meant I still earned a decent salary but only worked 27 hours a week. Once they started secondary school went back up to 4 full days and recently changed my role with a promotion back working FT.

Its not about being able to afford holidays , we couldn’t we went camping etc when they younger. It meant we could support towards driving lessons, university etc and had the flexibility with my employer to be there for the GCSE/A Level years - I think they needed us much more in those years.

Its what worked for us and each family needs to do what works for them.

So that’s the crux of it isn’t it? I think you’re trying to find validation. Don’t work if you don’t want to, but I really don’t think it’s about the money. If you wanted money, or a career, you can make it work. You have a to do it as a couple, you have to be determined, but when you are that’s when you accept losses or slim gains in the short term. Like any other financial decision, it comes with risk and some kind of sacrifice. But I very much doubt you are out of options as you make out.

My DH was military, hundreds of miles from families, frequently deployed, I had to make adjustments (developed a career that was 9-5, kept to public sector for flexibility) as I say we were very strapped in those early years, but reaping the rewards now, not just financially.

I think putting the entire financial burden of carrying the family on one person is unreasonable. There's so many downsides, like losing skills, being left behind in the job market in a poor economy, pension loss, having to retrain if you do have to go back to work, and the emotional and mental costs of not being engaged in a career and solely focused on the home.

And that's just if everything goes well. If the lone worker becomes seriously ill or has an accident, you're screwed. If your marriage fell apart, you're screwed.

I work full time but I am well paid and WFH a couple of times a week, the role is flexible so I’m usually finished around 3.30 or 4. I live in country with good work/life balance and affordable childcare though.

With all this talk of money (which is important ofcourse) we tend to forget something that's important as well: our children. I knew that my children would be 100% better off with me as a sahm because I wanted to be with them and I have always loved being with children in general (worked as an aupair and in nurseries when younger). So even before having children we planned for me to sah regardless finances; for the children's sake. When we looked at finances it did turn out that it wouldn't have made any difference if I had worked financially.

Then one of my dc turned out to be autistic so finding work around his appointments and dh spending a few nights away every night it was just not doable for me to find work. If you have got any skills in tech/it/business/translation you could probably do some wfh. My work was 100% in person before dc and quite emotionally exhausting so I just couldn't go on with that and dealing with my dc's meltdowns and insomnias.

Anyway I transgress:).. @Karma1387 You are absolutely right about finances but I wanted to add that it's marvellous to sah with your children and see them grow up- and they are loved and cared for every day. I'm sorry but I have seen things in nurseries and from childminders that makes me wary. The only reason not to bring up your child would be if you are suffering with pnd or you're just not happy spending time with them. I wonder why posters who work just to pay childcare without earning extra just to stay in the loop got children in the first place.

Dh was the higher earner so he compressed his hours and then went part time too. So he now works 3 days a week and still earns more than me. Oh what it would be to have a penis!

I am sure once the kids are older I could progress in a different sector with better pay but I would have to start at the bottom.

Retail management involves 7am-10pm over 7 days a week not often set days/shifts. Or nights which is set days and shifts. We couldn't both work in that sector with unpredicatable hours/ antisocial hours as childcare isnt available as early at 5am or as late as 11pm or over weekends.

So one of us had to give it uo after DC1 and it made sense for that to be me.

Yanbu

It's completely unsustainable... And to the utter detriment of women. Because they end up staying at home, looking after the children.

I continue to be utterly flabbergasted by the cost of childcare in the UK... someone is making a hell a lot of money. Billions. £60 per day, per child?????

Come on.

I understand that but is it worth the debt of 15k+ whilst kids are in nursery and the stress that goes with going into more debt each month worth those years working full time? Or just keep working in a part time role not related to what I would likely do full time and look for full time once chikdcare costs are lower and partner possibly earning more?

Op your right. I did office admin gave up when kids young as creche pricey for two. After school not cheap either. Went back when kids older.

Its not about validation its amazing to hear other peoples experiences and opinions.

I have had some great suggestions of part time NHS.

The reality is in my mind going into debt to work full time doesnt make any sense? But this thread has given me the great suggestion of part time NHS to get my foot in the door. It doesn't help with my partner being able to come off nights but one step at a time.

I think its super hard for my partner knowing the financial burden is on him. As much as i work 2 days a week it wouldnt keep us afloat if he lost his job or got sick.

But equally if I work full time whilst the kids are at nursery we would be going into debt every month so I don't think that would help his stress either.

I don't think there is a magical solution that gets what we need quickly but I have some ideas to explore now during my maternity leave.