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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Annoying MIL

108 replies

Snazzy73 · 07/02/2026 01:59

Hello sorry it’s another annoying MIL story… I don’t think she has any clue how frustrating it is for us but… we are struggling to afford the next rung on the ladder. Prices constantly going up despite us earning a little more and feeling we’re getting closer… MIL knows how miserable we are in current house due to issues with our neighbours and keeps commenting on how we could do with more space… Anyway out at dinner she dropped into conversation how she finds it difficult to spend money… she has told us how much she has and keeps telling us how lucky we’ll be… I take this with a pinch of salt as who knows what the future holds!!! But I don’t think she realises how irritating such comments are. She has never even hinted at providing us with any help, despite much of her own savings pot coming from inheritance! Two years ago our car broke down and again she knew we struggled to afford a new second hand model… at the same time she went and bought a brand new car for herself (wasn’t needed as her old car was perfectly fine - she just fancied an upgrade). She never even offered any help with ours. I know if my parents were alive they would have offered a small amount towards it ( I didn’t receive any inheritance from them as they had very little in comparison but always generous and helped where they could with small amounts). I know she is probably being careful with money - I.e thinking about the future but AIBU to think she could offer some help to us. I know we’ve no right to it but I know my parents would have done and they had much less money. It just seems so unthoughtful sometimes given she knows our situation. I also know she can spend her money - or not - how she likes!

OP posts:
rockingroller · 07/02/2026 04:32

Have you asked MIL for a specific amount for a specific thing? If she refused at least you could ask her to explain why she doesn't offer.
You say you know she can choose what to spend her money on but you kind of also think she should give some to you. Does DH agree with you on that? Not all families are the same about money.

LesserSootyOwl · 07/02/2026 05:04

Lots of people will say you're not entitled to her money, but I agree with you OP. My parents would help me out in a similar situation and I would help out my children.

MammaBear1 · 07/02/2026 05:26

Annoying maybe but it’s her money.

Also, if you haven’t specifically asked, how would she know you want money? Maybe she thinks that you prefer to make your own way.

ttcat37 · 07/02/2026 09:14

This reply has been deleted

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escape · 07/02/2026 21:19

It's really crass of her to speak as she does - that's not up for debate.
The rest you will just have to suck up because you cant change people and you cant expect anything from anyone.
That said, I fully empathise how uncomfortable this makes you feel.

SamiBee · 07/02/2026 21:19

Maybe next time she brings up hints about inheritance, point out she’ll probably not leave anything because the government will take it all to pay for her care when she’s in an old peoples home 😒

Inertia · 07/02/2026 21:30

Next time she whinges about not being able to spend all her money, tell her that you find her comments completely insensitive due to your family's financial struggles- she's rubbing salt into the wound.

If she talks about leaving an inheritance, tell her that most people end up spending all their savings on care home fees.

FunnyHazelPeer · 07/02/2026 21:39

If you find her annoying now, you’ll find her even more annoying if she gives you money.
you’ll feel as if she’s commenting on things as she has a right too because it was some of her money. She’ll be making comments to friends/family about how she helped you out.

just keep saving, you’ll get there and be proud you did it alone without annoying MIL

SnuggleReal · 07/02/2026 21:44

Tell her how difficult you find those comments. However, it's not her job to contribute towards things like cars for you. She may feel the need to hold onto a healthy nest egg for her old age. She has no way of knowing what needs will arise, she knows her children aren't in a position to help her out and probably doesn't want that anyway, and knows she may have the costs of a home and care one day. She's being sensible keeping a surplus and is lucky she can. One day you will inherit, though no rush on that.

Morepositivemum · 07/02/2026 21:47

While she shouldn’t talk like that I’d guess she’s trying to not spend the money she needs to live with no wage. When you’re stuck you at least know payday is coming, a pension isn’t the same

InBedBy10 · 07/02/2026 21:48

Why are you expecting her to bankroll your life? Yes its crass of her to keep talking about money but its her money and she can do what she likes with it.

Your entitlement is disgusting.

Sensiblesal · 07/02/2026 21:48

Her comment about finding it difficult to spend, is a poor persons mentality, did she once struggle for money? Its actually really hard to overcome that mindset & fear of being in the same situation again.

it might be her clumsy way of getting you to ask or she just doesn’t realise. I think that maybe hubby needs to have a little chat with her

LemaxObsessive · 07/02/2026 21:51

MIL is not your personal cash cow! You’re adults, married adults! If you can’t afford to move then I’m afraid you can’t move. Why on earth should MIL pay for it?! Or give a penny towards it? Good grief

5128gap · 07/02/2026 21:59

So next time say "MiL, as you've obviously noticed we need a bigger house, and tell us you have so much money you don't know what to spend it on, can you give some of it to us now please so we can move?"
How reasonable you'd be in saying this, will give you a guide as to how reasonable it is that you're annoyed with her.

thistimelastweek · 07/02/2026 22:06

This reply has been deleted

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What on earth does this mean?

Vintageblueribbon · 07/02/2026 22:06

This was my parents years ago

They stopped spending anything on me from aged about 12/13-they refused to buy me food,san-pro,school uniform,school books,school trips,clothes etc-i had to work to survive

They would go out and spend £300 on a meal out,knowing I,as a skint single mother who was turning every penny into a pound and scraping pennies together to feed my kids

They bought expensive cars and motorbikes while knowing I was struggling to pay for the dcs shoes

They would go on 5* holidays (only the best of the best for my mother) while I was trying to figure out how to pull together a bus fare

They would splash out on hundreds of pounds woth of tat and clothes while I was panicking on how I was going to pay the nursery fees AND my electric bill

They also put my brothers through their driving lessons,tests and bought them a car each,while paying for them to live rent free with them/help them with holidays/rent/food/luxuries/weddings but couldn't afford to slip me a tenner occasionally

They knew how hard i struggled and didnt give a damn-in fact they would openly laugh in my face about 'benefit spongers who have kids just for the money' and 'how funny it is that your living hand to mouth' while they 'had too much money and couldn't spend it all'

Now dont get me wrong,its their money to spend how they wanted but there is no way I could spend like that knowing my child was making miracles every mealtime and going hungry so they could afford shoes and clothes for their grandchildren-the guilt would cripple me

It's selfish but they are now getting older and I won't be doing any of their care-im the selfish one apparently (im meant to fall over myself to do all their care and feel grateful for the privilege)

Fuck that-i went nc with them years ago and they cant see why-'after all we did for you...' (the square route of nothing)

They've reaped what they've sown and I know where your coming from

ACatAsleepInYourHat · 07/02/2026 22:08

thistimelastweek · 07/02/2026 22:06

What on earth does this mean?

Show quote history

It means the poster is full of ageist shit.

SnuggleReal · 07/02/2026 22:09

Vintageblueribbon · 07/02/2026 22:06

This was my parents years ago

They stopped spending anything on me from aged about 12/13-they refused to buy me food,san-pro,school uniform,school books,school trips,clothes etc-i had to work to survive

They would go out and spend £300 on a meal out,knowing I,as a skint single mother who was turning every penny into a pound and scraping pennies together to feed my kids

They bought expensive cars and motorbikes while knowing I was struggling to pay for the dcs shoes

They would go on 5* holidays (only the best of the best for my mother) while I was trying to figure out how to pull together a bus fare

They would splash out on hundreds of pounds woth of tat and clothes while I was panicking on how I was going to pay the nursery fees AND my electric bill

They also put my brothers through their driving lessons,tests and bought them a car each,while paying for them to live rent free with them/help them with holidays/rent/food/luxuries/weddings but couldn't afford to slip me a tenner occasionally

They knew how hard i struggled and didnt give a damn-in fact they would openly laugh in my face about 'benefit spongers who have kids just for the money' and 'how funny it is that your living hand to mouth' while they 'had too much money and couldn't spend it all'

Now dont get me wrong,its their money to spend how they wanted but there is no way I could spend like that knowing my child was making miracles every mealtime and going hungry so they could afford shoes and clothes for their grandchildren-the guilt would cripple me

It's selfish but they are now getting older and I won't be doing any of their care-im the selfish one apparently (im meant to fall over myself to do all their care and feel grateful for the privilege)

Fuck that-i went nc with them years ago and they cant see why-'after all we did for you...' (the square route of nothing)

They've reaped what they've sown and I know where your coming from

They rubbed it in your face, which is different than just quietly not sending any your way. That said, I think you're completely justified in not doing a thing for them when they come knocking later. I can't imagine not being more supportive of my child with their lifestyle.

ttcat37 · 07/02/2026 22:13

thistimelastweek · 07/02/2026 22:06

What on earth does this mean?

Show quote history

It means that boomers will behave like boomers.

godmum56 · 07/02/2026 22:13

FunnyHazelPeer · 07/02/2026 21:39

If you find her annoying now, you’ll find her even more annoying if she gives you money.
you’ll feel as if she’s commenting on things as she has a right too because it was some of her money. She’ll be making comments to friends/family about how she helped you out.

just keep saving, you’ll get there and be proud you did it alone without annoying MIL

This.

Cyclebabble · 07/02/2026 22:16

How she speaks may be annoying for you. However, it is her money and I do not think you should feel entitled to it whilst she is still alive.

Nanny0gg · 07/02/2026 22:27

thistimelastweek · 07/02/2026 22:06

What on earth does this mean?

Show quote history

The implication (I believe) is that 'Boomers' have been very fortunate in comparison to other generations

And it's theirs. They apparently think they have a God-given right to it and no compulsion to help their children.

Tourmalines · 07/02/2026 22:29

Stop comparing her to your parents for a start . Remember this is mumsnet . She is only your Mil.She doesn’t owe you anything. You don’t owe her anything. I don’t think she should be even discussing her finances with you . Perhaps she could maybe help a bit as I do with mine. But it’s her buisiness.

SomeoneCalled · 07/02/2026 22:30

She is a bitch. My mil helps

SomeoneCalled · 07/02/2026 22:32

you are very patient, OP. I cannot stand anyone who bitches about, spreads their ego and nonsensical bragging like your mother in law. In my world she would be put to her own place very fast and given a wide berth to go and spend her miserable money as she wants but bragging to someone else about it, NOT TO ME. THAT IS ME