Annoying MIL

[Snazzy73]

Hello sorry it’s another annoying MIL story… I don’t think she has any clue how frustrating it is for us but… we are struggling to afford the next rung on the ladder. Prices constantly going up despite us earning a little more and feeling we’re getting closer… MIL knows how miserable we are in current house due to issues with our neighbours and keeps commenting on how we could do with more space… Anyway out at dinner she dropped into conversation how she finds it difficult to spend money… she has told us how much she has and keeps telling us how lucky we’ll be… I take this with a pinch of salt as who knows what the future holds!!! But I don’t think she realises how irritating such comments are. She has never even hinted at providing us with any help, despite much of her own savings pot coming from inheritance! Two years ago our car broke down and again she knew we struggled to afford a new second hand model… at the same time she went and bought a brand new car for herself (wasn’t needed as her old car was perfectly fine - she just fancied an upgrade). She never even offered any help with ours. I know if my parents were alive they would have offered a small amount towards it ( I didn’t receive any inheritance from them as they had very little in comparison but always generous and helped where they could with small amounts). I know she is probably being careful with money - I.e thinking about the future but AIBU to think she could offer some help to us. I know we’ve no right to it but I know my parents would have done and they had much less money. It just seems so unthoughtful sometimes given she knows our situation. I also know she can spend her money - or not - how she likes!

My view for what it is worth, the core responsibility for supporting a family rests with the parents in the family. I have helped my kids with deposits and supported them through college, However, the house you live in, the car you drive and the holidays you can afford need to be paid for by you. If your lifestyle has to be subsidised by your parents then who will be supporting your own children if they need help? In effect you are building a dependency culture which will not help anyone in the long run.

But, you’re a boomer telling a disgruntled other generation to fuck off because of your generation’s behaviour, rather than recognising said behaviour. Again, as I said up thread, if you have it hard, imagine how difficult it must be for the younger generations who have it so much worse.

Also, interesting that admin deleted my previous pretty innocuous comment yet 2 posters can tell me to fuck off. Double standards there!

You’re not being unreasonable in the way you’re thinking. My actual parents are like this. Always saying in front of people they would help with a house deposit, and our wedding etc because of their nest egg and when those times actually came they didn’t spend a penny and suddenly it became a thing we’d inherit eventually. Whereas my in laws don’t have much and are very generous. My MIL still sneaks a £20 note into my husbands pocket or makes him take cash and my mother apparently finds it ‘uncomfortable’ because she doesn’t do that with me.

anyway you’re not being unreasonable. Although she is your MIL - is your husband worried about it?

But they are not 'having it so much worse'!
You are grappling with high house prices. My generation grappled with sky-high interest rates, no childcare subsidies, no flexible working etc.
EVERY generation has it's struggles. I really have no idea where this rhetoric that this generation is unique in finding the child-rearing years hard financially has come from, but it is really gathering momentum on MN.

@Snazzy73 YANBU Why doesn't your dh ask her for help?
My Mil is the contrary. Dh and I have to tell her to be less generous (she's not weathy but well off). If we would be struggling she would be there in a heartbeat. And so would I for my kids. Some people are just selfish.

Interesting. My mother was generous in small ways. She helped out with childcare. Small gifts. She was also kind but we were expected to stand on our own two feet. Ditto my in laws, their main generosity was at Christmas. They loved having grandkids. However, they expected us to work for what we wanted. If we couldn't afford it we had to do without. It's called life.
Neither sets of parents had money when they were young. They had a comfortable retirement and good holidays when they were middle aged / retired. We didn't begrudge it to them. We knew how hard they'd worked in their younger days. I used to tell my mother to spend her money on herself. She used to tell me not to waste my money on mothers day presents and Christmas presents for her.
The cycle has repeated itself. My offspring and their cousins are all hardworking. They have better cars and holidays than we could afford at that age. They have close relationships with supportive parents but don't expect us to bankroll them. They don't begrudge us going on holiday and enjoying ourselves.

As far as I know, noone wishes I was dead so they can grab my money and splurge it in a new car and house.

I'm not a boomer (born in 1965) and I think having it hard means different things nowadays. I have 4dc ages 18 to 34 and whilst my eldest 2 (aged 32 and 34) have had struggles - I know dd1 would like to move to a bigger house as hers is a bit small if they have a second child - they certainly don't do without!
We did gift dd1 and dd2 a small sum of about £15k when they were 18 and bought a car between them but that has been it.
I would love to be able to help my younger 2 - ds is 22 - but realistically it won't happen and they will have to make their own way.

It isn’t the child-rearing years. It’s their entire adult lives so far. It’s gathering momentum on MN because it’s economics, not a rumour.