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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm having some new noise issues with an invalid neighbour and not sure how to handle it

116 replies

TheFuturesSoBright · 06/02/2026 22:46

My neighbour has been ill for years. She has multiple health problems and is, I think, house bound. She's in her late twenties. She lives with her mum downstairs from us. We've known them both since we moved in over twenty years ago. Mum is lovely, kind and helpful. Daughter can be a bit difficult and prickly but not surprising as her health is so poor. We had one previous issue with noise (a one off several years back) and one incident of weed smoke coming up into our flat. Overall they are good neighbours and we get on well.

Recently the daughter had a health crisis and was in hospital for months.
She's recently been allowed back home. Here's where the issues have begun. Since being back, she's been using her bedroom, which is immediately below mine, as more of a living room. Before she went into hospital they spent their time mostly in the kitchen as there's no living room. I think she probably can't move around much now and might be confined to her bedroom.

The problem is that the sound proofing between flats is very poor. She is having people visit late into the night, they are laughing and talking loudly, or watching tv until 1 am. I've tried swapping DC into my room but he has autism and sleeps badly at the best of times. It woke him last night (he wakes at least once nightly already but this was an "extra" waking.) There seems no prospect of it changing as she's is unlikely to get any better.

What stops me just asking them to keep it down, is that they're not really being REALLY loud, it's just an unfortunate combination of them having loud voices even in normal conversation, very poor sound proofing between floors, and a difference in the hours we want to be asleep.

I had resolved until tonight to just put up with it, and hope the novelty of being home wore off (so fewer visitors) but tonight I could hear them laughing and talking when I was sitting in my living room, not only in the bedroom.

The sound carries so much. I've started getting anxious towards bedtime, anticipating the noise. When I get into bed my heart has started thumping in anticipation of lying awake listening to it.

I just don't know how to approach it with them - if at all. Or do I try sound proofing under my floorboards? I've heard it's very expensive and not very effective.

If anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them. We've had so few problems with this since living here that I just don't know what to do. The last thing I want is to ruin the current good relationship with them. I also feel really selfish because I believe she is stuck in the room - but I still need to sleep.

WIBU to ask them to be quiet in their own home?

OP posts:
mildlysweaty · 06/02/2026 22:48

I would soundproof. Easier to do from your side. I soundproofed my ceilings when I lived in a flat and it was life changing.

BlondeFool · 06/02/2026 22:49

Soundproofing?

minipie · 06/02/2026 22:49

What kind of flooring do you have?

AnnasFangs · 06/02/2026 22:49

That is so tricky. As an interim measure could you use earplugs?

Lougle · 06/02/2026 22:52

Yeah, we don't use that word anymore.

I don't think there's much you can do. You could try thicker carpet? We have neighbours who play loud music indoors in the summer, so loud that they can enjoy it in the garden, late into the night. Not much we can do, so we just try to get sleep when we can.

GreenIsTheColourOfMyHoliday · 06/02/2026 22:52

Thick carpets with soundproofing and then ear plugs

You can't ask her to stop making normal noise!

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 06/02/2026 22:53

Why do they not have a living room, as you have one ?
and both flats appear to be 2 bedroomed.

Are they purpose built flats or a house converted into flats.

Can you change your rooms around i.e. change your living room into your bedroom and make your bedroom the living room ?

alexdgr8 · 06/02/2026 22:57

Why have you called her invalid.
However annoying unwittingly she may be
Doesn't make her invalid.
Or do you mean she has extra problems from disabilities or health issues.

TheFuturesSoBright · 06/02/2026 22:59

Their flat is smaller than ours, so it's actually a one bed, and they use the living room as the other bedroom. The floors are wooden floorboards. She has a lathe and plaster ceiling. I've got underlay and carpet on top of the boards.
I can't wear ear plugs because I need to hear DC getting up, and they also make me weirdly claustrophobic!
If you've had soundproofing done, was it very expensive?

OP posts:
LadyMacbethWasFierce · 06/02/2026 23:00

It does not sound as though you really have cause to ask them to keep the noise down.

It is likely that they also hear you at times, moving around above them.

As you identified, it’s more that you are keeping different hours and the soundproofing is bad.

I would definitely try soundproofing. And also ear plugs. But also listen to some relaxing music as you go to sleep. I have no doubt at all that the noise is real, but such things can become amplified the more we focus on them and the more anxious we get.

You sound like a caring person. I hope things settle down.

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 06/02/2026 23:00

Sorry cross post about the ear plugs.

CoastalCalm · 06/02/2026 23:01

Put rugs down if you don’t already have them or carpet and use earplugs - sounds like she’s not acting unreasonably really it’s just normal living sounds ?

TheFuturesSoBright · 06/02/2026 23:01

We can definitely hear each other, but there wasn't a clash before as we keep similar hours, I guess. We can hear the flat upstairs too but it's very rarely a problem. Mostly we get along well, which makes this all the more awkward.

OP posts:
LadyMacbethWasFierce · 06/02/2026 23:03

Sorry. I did not directly answer the question. I am sympathetic. But yes you would be unreasonable to mention this to them.

TheFuturesSoBright · 06/02/2026 23:03

I think it's a bit louder than normal living sounds but not excessively loud. It's entirely down to the rubbish construction of the building, I think. Having said that, they do have very loud voices! And loud laughs which is usually nice to hear. Just not so much at 1am!
Looks like sound proofing is the way forward.

OP posts:
SunMoonandChocolate · 06/02/2026 23:05

OP, to get some idea of prices have a look at this:

https://www.soundservice.co.uk/prices_live.php

However, if as you say there wasn't really a problem previously because you kept similar hours, could you have a word with the girl's Mum and tell her this? You can obviously explain that you didn't have a problem with the noise previously, but it just seems her daughter is having visitors late into the evening, and that's what's causing the problem. Maybe if they hear you too, they might offer to split the cost of better sound proofing. How big is the room that you would need to do?

price list for soundproofing and sound absorbing products

Prices for soundproofing products, sound absorbers and sound absorbing materials

https://www.soundservice.co.uk/prices_live.php

TheFuturesSoBright · 06/02/2026 23:10

Apologies @alexdgr8 I meant she was invalid in the sense of someone who's ill for a long time. i.e. chronically poorly.
The room is about 14 feet x 14 ? I was considering chatting with her mum and just mentioning the change. But honestly she's got so much on her hands with her daughter, that I feel awful. And I really am hoping the visitors are temporary. I don't think they had so many before she went into hospital.
Maybe I'm worrying too soon.

OP posts:
TheFuturesSoBright · 06/02/2026 23:11

That is a very useful link @SunMoonandChocolate thank you.

OP posts:
NotnowMildrid · 06/02/2026 23:15

YANBU

I think she is being extremely ignorant.
Shouldn’t we all respect/think of our neighbours.

No disrespect to her, but she doesn’t have to be up early for work/school etc. She’s alright Jack, and she’s not considering you at all.

You wouldn’t dream of making a noise and waking her up at 3am would you.

TheFuturesSoBright · 06/02/2026 23:30

I wouldn't, but I'm not sure she knows that she's keeping me up, because I haven't said anything 😆
I do try to be considerate, but we are lucky I think that we're fairly quiet people in general. They are our opposites! but it's worked out fine up until now.

OP posts:
mumsickles · 06/02/2026 23:36

The word ‘invalid’ actually was originally used to describe as disabled person as ‘in valid’ as in ‘not valid’ in society. I am quite quite sure you have used this word accidentally and aren’t aware of this at all but it is incredibly offensive to many and I just want to tell you that. 🌷

GreenIsTheColourOfMyHoliday · 06/02/2026 23:41

NotnowMildrid · 06/02/2026 23:15

YANBU

I think she is being extremely ignorant.
Shouldn’t we all respect/think of our neighbours.

No disrespect to her, but she doesn’t have to be up early for work/school etc. She’s alright Jack, and she’s not considering you at all.

You wouldn’t dream of making a noise and waking her up at 3am would you.

She's just living her life!

It's not like she's playing the drums at 1am or playing CoD at full blast

She's just talking with friends

JLou08 · 06/02/2026 23:45

Playing white noise at a loud volume can be good for blocking out other sounds whilst trying to go to sleep.

NotnowMildrid · 06/02/2026 23:45

GreenIsTheColourOfMyHoliday · 06/02/2026 23:41

She's just living her life!

It's not like she's playing the drums at 1am or playing CoD at full blast

She's just talking with friends

Yes, loudly at 1am when people are normally asleep.

Nothing wrong with living your life, as long as you’re not ignorant and affecting others detrimentally.

TheFuturesSoBright · 06/02/2026 23:47

@mumsickles apologies, I had no idea. She isn't disabled, just lots of health problems.

OP posts: