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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I'm having some new noise issues with an invalid neighbour and not sure how to handle it

116 replies

TheFuturesSoBright · 06/02/2026 22:46

My neighbour has been ill for years. She has multiple health problems and is, I think, house bound. She's in her late twenties. She lives with her mum downstairs from us. We've known them both since we moved in over twenty years ago. Mum is lovely, kind and helpful. Daughter can be a bit difficult and prickly but not surprising as her health is so poor. We had one previous issue with noise (a one off several years back) and one incident of weed smoke coming up into our flat. Overall they are good neighbours and we get on well.

Recently the daughter had a health crisis and was in hospital for months.
She's recently been allowed back home. Here's where the issues have begun. Since being back, she's been using her bedroom, which is immediately below mine, as more of a living room. Before she went into hospital they spent their time mostly in the kitchen as there's no living room. I think she probably can't move around much now and might be confined to her bedroom.

The problem is that the sound proofing between flats is very poor. She is having people visit late into the night, they are laughing and talking loudly, or watching tv until 1 am. I've tried swapping DC into my room but he has autism and sleeps badly at the best of times. It woke him last night (he wakes at least once nightly already but this was an "extra" waking.) There seems no prospect of it changing as she's is unlikely to get any better.

What stops me just asking them to keep it down, is that they're not really being REALLY loud, it's just an unfortunate combination of them having loud voices even in normal conversation, very poor sound proofing between floors, and a difference in the hours we want to be asleep.

I had resolved until tonight to just put up with it, and hope the novelty of being home wore off (so fewer visitors) but tonight I could hear them laughing and talking when I was sitting in my living room, not only in the bedroom.

The sound carries so much. I've started getting anxious towards bedtime, anticipating the noise. When I get into bed my heart has started thumping in anticipation of lying awake listening to it.

I just don't know how to approach it with them - if at all. Or do I try sound proofing under my floorboards? I've heard it's very expensive and not very effective.

If anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them. We've had so few problems with this since living here that I just don't know what to do. The last thing I want is to ruin the current good relationship with them. I also feel really selfish because I believe she is stuck in the room - but I still need to sleep.

WIBU to ask them to be quiet in their own home?

OP posts:
Doubletroubledoubled · 08/02/2026 08:24

I’ve obviously woken up on the wrong side of the bed this morning but sometimes I despair of this forum. Yet again we have a post about an issue - noise in a flat - all but taken over because of the use of the word invalid (which in the circumstances is pronounced invalide, not invalid which has a completely different meaning.
Surely to goodness anyone with a degree of common sense would realise that the OP was not calling her neighbour invalid because she had a chronic health problem.
When the governments mobility car scheme was introduced in the 77’s it was to replace its transport aid for disabled individuals the Invacar, known as an invalid (pronounced invalide) carriage and this word was commonly used as an adjective to describe anyone who was in poor health. From what OP has said about her neighbour this sums up her unfortunate situation is very well.
To me the OP comes over as a caring neighbour who doesn’t want to makes things difficult and I agree with those who don’t think it would be unreasonable for her to mention the increased noise when the opportunity arises. For all we know the mother may not be happy with having visitors in the flat into the early hours and having someone else make a comment about the noise might add weight to her own argument.

Luddite26 · 08/02/2026 08:30

FrozenFebruary · 07/02/2026 00:36

This needs tepeating.

This is incorrect. ‘Invalid’ as a noun is derived from the Latin ‘invalidus’ meaning ‘not strong’.
it’s entirely appropriate and not offensive, you are conflating it with the later adjectival meaning of invalid (pronounced differently)

@TheFuturesSoBright it is not offensive.

It isn't offensive in your opinion until someone calls you it or your child or other loved one. It is an out of date term that people seem to think is ok. Oh it means they're not strong, it's Latin!
So the neighbour is weak?
Many people with disabilities are stronger than non-disabled people. Physically stronger, mentally stronger.
It is out of date terminology and OP would probably feel the same if people were to use similarly out of date language towards her own child.

ShawnaMacallister · 08/02/2026 08:34

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 06/02/2026 23:03

Sorry. I did not directly answer the question. I am sympathetic. But yes you would be unreasonable to mention this to them.

Why? It's not acceptable to disturb neighbours at 1am with loud talking. Why should she not mention this to them?

ShawnaMacallister · 08/02/2026 08:36

GreenIsTheColourOfMyHoliday · 07/02/2026 00:45

Plenty of people aren't asleep at 1am

They aren't being loud, they're just talking

It's not being ignorant to enjoy your home

It really really is
You can't live your life at 1am in a way that disturbs others who are sleeping. 1am is the night time.

EmpressaurusKitty · 08/02/2026 08:40

Have you seen the OP’s update? She’s now hearing the daughter moaning in pain, so she’s going to try white noise & soundproofing instead of saying something.

GreenIsTheColourOfMyHoliday · 08/02/2026 09:02

ShawnaMacallister · 08/02/2026 08:36

It really really is
You can't live your life at 1am in a way that disturbs others who are sleeping. 1am is the night time.

Talking to friends isn't excessive or unusual

You can't go around telling people they have to conform to your ideas of waking/sleeping and to be silent at certain times because you're asleep

shhblackbag · 08/02/2026 09:16

GreenIsTheColourOfMyHoliday · 08/02/2026 09:02

Talking to friends isn't excessive or unusual

You can't go around telling people they have to conform to your ideas of waking/sleeping and to be silent at certain times because you're asleep

This forum is weird for this. There is a lot of thinking that neighbours should live to your timetable and standard.

She's not drilling holes in the walls.

FrozenFebruary · 08/02/2026 09:19

Luddite26 · 08/02/2026 08:30

It isn't offensive in your opinion until someone calls you it or your child or other loved one. It is an out of date term that people seem to think is ok. Oh it means they're not strong, it's Latin!
So the neighbour is weak?
Many people with disabilities are stronger than non-disabled people. Physically stronger, mentally stronger.
It is out of date terminology and OP would probably feel the same if people were to use similarly out of date language towards her own child.

I'm disabled, you don't know what I've been called.

invalid isn't an offensive word. It's a relevant description for her young neighbour with many health issues who isn't well enough to leave the house.

InterestedDad37 · 08/02/2026 09:31

HoppingPavlova · 08/02/2026 07:03

@InterestedDad37 what on earth are you on about, yes, the word has been in use for a long time but did not go out of use with 3 wheel cars. Are you on glue? It’s a very common term that would be used frequently. I stopped frontline a few years back but would write that often and would also see it in patient notes frequently. It’s a term used in my current line of work (desk, not frontline). It’s absolutely not been obsoleted, it’s a medical term.

For all the numpties who are talking about people not being valid, it’s a word that has two meanings, just like bark (a dog will bark vs a tree has bark), watch (a person will watch you vs you wear a watch), spring (the season vs the cat will spring off after the ball) and hundreds of other homonyms.
An invalid is a person who is weak or unable to take care of themselves on account of illness, injury, or a health condition - I.e. what the OP refers to. Vs the homonym where the email you sent wasn’t received as the address you gave was invalid. It’s a bit like correcting someone who uses the word bat when referring to cricket and you correct them to tell them that word refers to a flying animal with vampire teeth!

As a term used as a label for a person's condition, it hasn't been used for many years. There are specific guidelines on language to use/not use. See the link below. I'm on about its use as a noun, and a specific label for someone with a disability or chronic condition. Its use in general language as an adjective (something that is not valid) of course persists.

Inclusive language: words to use and avoid when writing about disability

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/inclusive-communication/inclusive-language-words-to-use-and-avoid-when-writing-about-disability

Luddite26 · 08/02/2026 09:59

FrozenFebruary · 08/02/2026 09:19

I'm disabled, you don't know what I've been called.

invalid isn't an offensive word. It's a relevant description for her young neighbour with many health issues who isn't well enough to leave the house.

That is your opinion and experience.
It's an out of date term which people do find offensive. Fine if you don't.

FrozenFebruary · 08/02/2026 12:01

Luddite26 · 08/02/2026 09:59

That is your opinion and experience.
It's an out of date term which people do find offensive. Fine if you don't.

Yes. It is MY opinion. Which is why I said it.

Stop trying to police others opinions. It is your opinion it's outdated & it's not your place to STATE it as fact.

i know it's fine that I don't, I don't need your permission.

ThreeDeafMice · 08/02/2026 12:23

shhblackbag · 08/02/2026 09:16

This forum is weird for this. There is a lot of thinking that neighbours should live to your timetable and standard.

She's not drilling holes in the walls.

I’m curious. If drilling holes in her walls at midnight were normal for the neighbour, your argument is that you should not ask her to conform to “your timetable and standard” by desisting?

Carycach4 · 08/02/2026 12:46

alexdgr8 · 06/02/2026 22:57

Why have you called her invalid.
However annoying unwittingly she may be
Doesn't make her invalid.
Or do you mean she has extra problems from disabilities or health issues.

"In-ver-lid" not "in-valid", you doughnut!! 😂

TheFuturesSoBright · 08/02/2026 22:37

Well, last night there was no noise when I went to bed, so I thought I might have been worrying unnecessarily.
Unfortunately the daughter was awake several times in the night, calling loudly for her mother.😔
I did try brown noise after that, but I found it didn't make a lot of difference.
There have been some great suggestions of soundproofing material here so I will try that as soon as possible.
I'm just finding it hard being woken so much in the meantime. I am already fairly sleep deprived from DC waking every night. I don't know how long I can keep going without sleeping properly. It's only been a couple of weeks and I'm really flagging...
If I see the mum I might mention the sound travelling. I don't think I could go and knock on the door specifically for this though.
I just don't want to make things any harder for her.😭

OP posts:
TheFuturesSoBright · 08/02/2026 22:55

gototogo · 07/02/2026 09:17

They may not be aware that you can hear them. You can be polite and mention it’s very loud in your flat at night. So you both own? Or rented?

I own, and they are tenants. So I can certainly put in some sound proofing, I think.

OP posts:
alexdgr8 · 09/02/2026 14:31

But you can't tell her to moan more quietly or not to call out for her mother if it's after dark
Can you .
Not being horrible but think about it.
Insulation etc is the way to go.
I'm thinking this may not be a long term problem

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