I'm having some new noise issues with an invalid neighbour and not sure how to handle it

[TheFuturesSoBright]

My neighbour has been ill for years. She has multiple health problems and is, I think, house bound. She's in her late twenties. She lives with her mum downstairs from us. We've known them both since we moved in over twenty years ago. Mum is lovely, kind and helpful. Daughter can be a bit difficult and prickly but not surprising as her health is so poor. We had one previous issue with noise (a one off several years back) and one incident of weed smoke coming up into our flat. Overall they are good neighbours and we get on well.

Recently the daughter had a health crisis and was in hospital for months.
She's recently been allowed back home. Here's where the issues have begun. Since being back, she's been using her bedroom, which is immediately below mine, as more of a living room. Before she went into hospital they spent their time mostly in the kitchen as there's no living room. I think she probably can't move around much now and might be confined to her bedroom.

The problem is that the sound proofing between flats is very poor. She is having people visit late into the night, they are laughing and talking loudly, or watching tv until 1 am. I've tried swapping DC into my room but he has autism and sleeps badly at the best of times. It woke him last night (he wakes at least once nightly already but this was an "extra" waking.) There seems no prospect of it changing as she's is unlikely to get any better.

What stops me just asking them to keep it down, is that they're not really being REALLY loud, it's just an unfortunate combination of them having loud voices even in normal conversation, very poor sound proofing between floors, and a difference in the hours we want to be asleep.

I had resolved until tonight to just put up with it, and hope the novelty of being home wore off (so fewer visitors) but tonight I could hear them laughing and talking when I was sitting in my living room, not only in the bedroom.

The sound carries so much. I've started getting anxious towards bedtime, anticipating the noise. When I get into bed my heart has started thumping in anticipation of lying awake listening to it.

I just don't know how to approach it with them - if at all. Or do I try sound proofing under my floorboards? I've heard it's very expensive and not very effective.

If anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them. We've had so few problems with this since living here that I just don't know what to do. The last thing I want is to ruin the current good relationship with them. I also feel really selfish because I believe she is stuck in the room - but I still need to sleep.

WIBU to ask them to be quiet in their own home?

Earplugs that don’t block out all the noise but most of it

she doesn’t need to “live her life” at 1am below someone’s bedroom! she’s obviously not working so she can socialise in the daytime and sleep at night which is healthier anyway. her wants to socialise are not more important than children’s needs to sleep. and bloody earplugs that always touted here don’t suit everyone 🤷🏽‍♀️ I’d have a word; no one’s going to stop me sleeping

If you have young children then the chances are that your neighbours have been disturnbed by them at times. Children are noisy and parents tend to be soundblind where their offspring are concerned.

When I moved into a flat underneath an older lady she complained to the committee about me. Not because I was having loud parties, playing music etc but because I was often up until 1-2 am even during the working week. She complained that she could not settle (while I was walking around my flat) until she heard me go to bed. It was ruled that her complaint was invalid and it was simply a clash of lifestyles. Obviously I was not going to curtail or alter my lifestyle for a needy neighbour. I stuck a pack of earplugs through her door.

They can definitely hear us too, the DC did make noise when they were little ( although during the day) and they have never complained. It's one of the downfalls of the building, which is otherwise lovely.
However things took another turn early this morning as the daughter is now moaning in pain, which is really distressing to hear.
Thank you everyone for the advice, I think I'm going to go down the white noise and soundproofing route. I quite like the idea of thunderstorms all night! I just hope I'm not passing on the problem to the people above me .😱

Invalid? As in she’s no longer valid due to being ill?

No, that's a false equivalency

A 24 hour rave, poorly trained dog or playing an instrument is not the same as having some friends over who you are talking topp

Speaking with friends is not nosiy and annoying....

This.
An invalid is someone lacking in strength for various reasons, so an invalid could be someone recovering from flu, and needing to be in bed for a while. It isn’t an insulting term, all of us are invalids occasionally.

Depending on her medication she might not be able to sleep at night

People do have different body clocks too, some people genuinely can't sleep at night

If you live near people you have to understand and accept that some noise will occur and I don't think speaking with friends counts as unreasonable noise

Are you complaining you can hear the poor girl in pain?!

When you have to make new scenarios to make your point, then your point probably isn't as strong as you think it is.

We don't know what they would say about the OP's noise. Sounds like bad flat, not bad people.

No it wasn’t, it’s from the Latin invalidus meaning weak or infirm…

Try sound proofing or white noise. If this doesn’t work you’ll have to have a quiet word.

https://www.etymonline.com/word/invalid

I think it’s perfectly reasonably to expect a decent amount of quiet after 11pm apart from a few special occasions. Can the mother and daughter swap rooms? Generally noise between flats just feels more intrusive than between houses especially at night.

We do, it’s in my lease 11pm - 7am no excessive noise

@InterestedDad37 what on earth are you on about, yes, the word has been in use for a long time but did not go out of use with 3 wheel cars. Are you on glue? It’s a very common term that would be used frequently. I stopped frontline a few years back but would write that often and would also see it in patient notes frequently. It’s a term used in my current line of work (desk, not frontline). It’s absolutely not been obsoleted, it’s a medical term.

For all the numpties who are talking about people not being valid, it’s a word that has two meanings, just like bark (a dog will bark vs a tree has bark), watch (a person will watch you vs you wear a watch), spring (the season vs the cat will spring off after the ball) and hundreds of other homonyms.
An invalid is a person who is weak or unable to take care of themselves on account of illness, injury, or a health condition - I.e. what the OP refers to. Vs the homonym where the email you sent wasn’t received as the address you gave was invalid. It’s a bit like correcting someone who uses the word bat when referring to cricket and you correct them to tell them that word refers to a flying animal with vampire teeth!

Have you really not come across the noun 'invalid' that means 'a person who is weak or unable to take care of themselves on account of illness, injury, or a health condition.'. It's pronounced quite differently to the adjective invalid (which is pronounced in valid and means not valid). Two completely different words that happen to have the same spelling - there are heaps of heteronyms in the english language like close, bow, tear, lead, content, minute.

If you have floorboards that can be taken up place a minimum of 100mm stone mineral wool insulation slabs (not rolls) between the joists of the floor. Do not leave any gaps at the sides. This should reduce the airborne sound by about 40dB.

Rockwool RWA45 or RW3 will be the most cost effective.

I took the OP’s update as meaning she’s going to try white noise & soundproofing and not say anything to the neighbours.

I rented a studio flat a while & quickly realised that one reason it was so cheap was that I could hear pretty much everything from the people on the other side of the wall. It was just normal living noise but they liked having long conversations late at night. White noise was a godsend.

What? Are you 5?

A fan by my bed on high ( pointing away from me) is excellent at providing white noise and blocking out unwanted noises at night but not loud enough to disturb people in other rooms at night.

You weren’t. The scolding poster is mistaken and ignorant of the etymology of the word.

If you are able to get to sleep on your side, you could try wearing just one earplug on the side that isn't squished into the pillow.

Might cut down the noise as you go to sleep, then as you move around in the night your other ear is freed up and you can hear your DC. I've had to do it in the past.