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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

544 replies

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
fluffiphlox · 06/02/2026 17:31

Can you divorce him and marry his father?

YourLoyalPlumOP · 06/02/2026 17:32

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:52

Very similar. He makes out that I’m the assistant to the CEO. I’m the COO. You Google my name and it comes up.

It’s fucking genius!!!

wow! Great job!

ValueofNothing · 06/02/2026 17:34

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 16:18

Yes. In a super patronising way.

What a disgusting excuse of a man he is.

First time I've said it, but LTB.

TimeToStopLurking · 06/02/2026 17:35

Omg. Well done you for saying that. I can't believe you've held back so long

LunaDeBallona · 06/02/2026 17:35

I’m proud of you too!
Frankly, I think you showed remarkable restraint and were simply truthful .
He’s jealous isn’t he.
He should be incredibly proud of you and building you up.
Shame on men like this who need to knock women down -especially the ones they purport to love -in order to inflate their dismal egos.
Honestly -men’s egos will be the utter downfall of the human race.

momtoboys · 06/02/2026 17:36

If my husband called me clumsy and not very bright, one of us would be packing our bags. If I earned so much more $ than he does, he would be moving out permanently. Good on you for finally standing up for yourself.

Wickedgreengirl · 06/02/2026 17:38

I just wanted to say that I loved your father-in-law’s comment!

Toseland · 06/02/2026 17:39

Love that his Dad said well done and he is proud of you - he's great!
I think your partner should explore why he feels the need to be like that.

ChoccieCornflake · 06/02/2026 17:39

Fucking hell! The fact that HIS OWN FATHER effectively took your side tells you all you need to know aout how shit his behaviour is. This is consider-LTB territory.

Notsosweetcaroline · 06/02/2026 17:42

Sartre · 06/02/2026 16:39

I’m confused why his parents have assumed this about you and have never actually questioned what you do before. Also baffled by the fact you’ve let this go on for so many years before you snapped! Your H sounds like a jealous prick.

I think it’s best to read the ops posts, even just the op. Hee husband has been telling them this, it’s all in there.

Sparkletastic · 06/02/2026 17:42

This reads like Jilly Cooper fanfic

SandyY2K · 06/02/2026 17:42

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 16:18

Yes. In a super patronising way.

I bet he's regretting saying that now.

He puts you down to elevate himself.

That has insecure written all over it.

Springisnearlyspring · 06/02/2026 17:43

I’d also agree that even if you were a low earner he shouldn’t be calling you stupid or clumsy. He should be celebrating your successes.

Wakemeupinapril · 06/02/2026 17:44

Better off asking him to dig you a patio... We'll come round and shove him in....

Ellie56 · 06/02/2026 17:44

FIL sounds great.

So called "DH" not so much...

Moonlightdust · 06/02/2026 17:44

Bravo 👏

EatYourDamnPie · 06/02/2026 17:46

YABVVVU for letting it go for so long and letting him become so emboldened that he thought his behaviour was in any way acceptable or that it would fly.

Happyjoe · 06/02/2026 17:47

I think your husband is jealous..... and can't handle a successful woman. But that's his issue, he shouldn't make it yours. The same ego can't handle the fact that he's landed himself in this mess and he's embarrassed. Tough!

Good on you for standing up for yourself and glad your FIL was pleased for you. If hubby doesn't stop sulking soon, then time he packed up and went to stay in a hotel room to calm down? Perhaps he can stay there until he learns to not run you down and patronise you too.

SerafinasGoose · 06/02/2026 17:49

SargeMarge · 06/02/2026 17:06

How? She’s been dealing with this for 10 years. Silently sitting there smiling away as he belittles her and insults her… and she just took it. This is a sad thread, not uplifting or empowering. Only sad.

She's said it now. That's what matters.

And she's said it decisively, bravely and in a way the brooks no argument. Many of us have taken poor behaviour for years and years until a 'final straw' moment is finally reached.

There's no point whatsoever in beating ourselves up about the past. Whatever else it is, it's gone. We can't do anything to change that.

What we can certainly change is our own expectations for the future.

Iloveacurry · 06/02/2026 17:50

Well done op. Your DH sounds like an utter twat.

HomeTheatreSystem · 06/02/2026 17:52

Mischance · 06/02/2026 16:11

“But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!” Did he REALLY say that!?

Unwittingly describing himself I expect..

Missuninformed · 06/02/2026 17:55

Totally off topic but I agree that you had every right to snap and I would have done too but I just wondered if you farted after snapping? 😁

Ledlighter · 06/02/2026 17:57

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

HomeTheatreSystem · 06/02/2026 17:59

He was an utter fool to have started this bollocks in the first place and deserved the excoriating smack down you gave him. He was very lucky it was only his parents who witnessed it and not your friends. Don't apologise, he had it coming. All you need to establish is how he plans on "coping" with the fact you're a higher earner than him that doesn't involve him acting like a silly teenager about it.

Lemondessert · 06/02/2026 18:00

I think you need a new husband. He should be your biggest cheerleader. No wonder you lost it. He constantly puts you down. You got a better job, you can get a better life than this.