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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

544 replies

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
wfhwfh · 06/02/2026 18:01

He majorly asked for this! Good on his dad for his response

Gymnopedie · 06/02/2026 18:05

You were not in the slightest bit unreasonable. He's been pissing you off for years, it was high time you bit back.

Don't apologise.
Don't appease.
Don't let him try to brush it under the carpet and expect things to carry on like it never happened.

Do give him hell if he carries on sulking.
Do think about whether this is the last nail in the coffin.

It'll be interesting to see if there's any reaction from his parents, particularly his dad.

Tuesdayschild50 · 06/02/2026 18:08

This is your husbands problem .. so made up you called him out in front of his parents .
How have you managed to accept this up until now .. he should be proud of you not feel inferior to you ..
Not sure I could stay in this if it was me .

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 06/02/2026 18:08

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Fucking good on you….pathetic little man…..let’s hope he’s learnt his lesson…oh and let him come to you and apologise….tosser !!!! ( apologies if harsh but I’m post menopausal and shit like this makes me beyond angry ) xx

coodawoodashooda · 06/02/2026 18:11

justasking111 · 06/02/2026 15:08

I'm proud of you too . I suspect dad knows his son only too well

This. Good for you!

ItTook9Years · 06/02/2026 18:11

DH’s parents are similar: FIL was a blue collar worker that ended up in a management position and MIL was a housewife.

DH was first in the family to go to uni and works in tech. FIL would puff his chest out about it. He assumed I was an admin worker when I met him (DH just told them I was a civil servant) and kept talking about how boring my job must be but at least it was a secure job with a decent pension and he was sure there would be opportunities to progress when I was older (I was 23/24). DH tried to interrupt him but he just powered on, asking if I was in charge of the petty cash. I snapped back and said “no, I run the [national public service] budget of £12bn and decide what Government Ministers spend it on”.

Silence.

Some months later they came to stay at my (3 bed) house with DH (PIL lived about 250 miles from me and DH lived around halfway). “Your landlord has good taste. He’s done a good job here.” “Thanks. It’s mine, actually. Bought it when I was 19 and did all the work myself.”

You can imagine the sport I’ve had over the last 25 years with this. If DH was feeding it I’d feed him to the wolves though. That level of disrespect would end any relationship we had.

Booboobagins · 06/02/2026 18:12

His parents already know you are not what he says you are. I like his DF.

As for him. Why are you with someone who demeans and belittles you? You know you don't deserve it so why put uup with it. Now pretend you're a man and he's your wife. Is he did that to you would you put up with it?
Absolutely not.

I don't know how you have put up with that crap, maybe time to reconsider your value.

Jeschara · 06/02/2026 18:15

It sounds like he tries to impress his Dad, who knows exactly what he is like. The Father has no respect for him, and is ashamed he needs to act like Biily big bollocks to make himself look big. He would have more respect for him if he was proud of you.
To be honest your husband sounds an inadequate bloody idiot. I would think about leaving this fool. He needs a good lesson.

VoiceFromThePit · 06/02/2026 18:19

I too am proud of you 😂

Beachtastic · 06/02/2026 18:23

How lovely that his father congratulated you. He (and his wife?) might have been cringing for years at the rude, dismissive way your husband treats you. Well done for saying what you did. Fuck him.

Moveoverdarlin · 06/02/2026 18:27

I’d start the chat with him tonight like this….

Look, I know you are an underachiever in the corporate world and you have a smaller than average sized penis, but you have other qualities.

Put the little prick in his place I say. What a cock.

Anyahyacinth · 06/02/2026 18:27

It makes me think of that phrase re your DH.

Play stupid games win stupid prizes.

Diminishing you to try and hype himself is pathetic

Protect your future OP

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 06/02/2026 18:28

What a cunt

Mrspatmoresapprentice · 06/02/2026 18:30

Your husband is obviously very insecure in his relationship with his parents and the fact that you so significantly out earn him.
Time for a serious conversation. He either articulates WHY he finds you earning so much more than him difficult and then addresses it, along with the complicated relationship he has with his parents, or you have some difficult decisions to make. Why stay married to a man who tries to put you down and lies about you??
But this is also societal. My DH earns very well, but I do too. The number of people who assume he earns all the money is honestly staggering.

Anyahyacinth · 06/02/2026 18:31

OP be careful you are physically safe around someone like this...I suddenly thought of the lovely headteacher who was murdered by her husband...there is something very wrong with your husband needing to do this

BigDeepBreaths · 06/02/2026 18:32

He has to apologise, sincerely, to you.

He has to apologise to his parents.

He must agree to look into himself and do some work (eg: couselling) to figure out why he feels the need to do this and tell you what he plans to do to address his feelings and actions.

Accept nothing less than this.

thestudio · 06/02/2026 18:33

Op, I really hope you follow through on this - it's sad that you've not felt able to tackle it before and I really hope you're able to do so now, or leave.

In more cheering news, I saw this thread in Trending and for a moment thought classic MN thread 'snapped and farted' had been refreshed for 2026

thestudio · 06/02/2026 18:34

forgot screenshot

To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents
GreenRedFlowers · 06/02/2026 18:38

“But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

Forget all the rest of your post. This above is the most important thing here - it is rude, offensive and deeply undermining. It cannot be dismissed as a joke because it is so belittling.

If this is symptomatic of how he talks to you, that's not a relationship I'd want to be in. It sounds like he is unhappy and emasculated by the fact you are more successful than him and trying to make himself feel better and even up the scales by giving you a bit of a verbal kicking.

To me it shows a wholesale lack of respect and its not what I'd want either in a partner or in a role model for children.

CluelessAboutBiology · 06/02/2026 18:39

I’m so proud of you for standing up to DH’s nonsense. I’d have loved to have seen his face when his DF spoke to you. Glad his DF understood. Ooh, to be a fly on the wall in PIL’s house when they discuss it.

TryingToLoveMyself · 06/02/2026 18:43

The fact that 2% voted YABU is proof that some people will vote YABU just to be arseholes!

Shinyandnew1 · 06/02/2026 18:43

He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue

I don't care why you would 'bite your tongue' at all when he says these things?

Cornishclio · 06/02/2026 18:44

Good for you. Your DH is a prick

HK04 · 06/02/2026 18:44

Good on you OP. That was an epic STFU. Loved that your DFIL said he was proud of you. Nothing for DH to sulk about. You can always tell him you were just joking. If of course you’re bright enough to 🙄…

Therealjudgejudy · 06/02/2026 18:44

Op, why are you with this bellend?

He values you so little and treats you with utter contempt