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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

544 replies

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
ChalkOrCheese · 06/02/2026 17:06

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:52

Very similar. He makes out that I’m the assistant to the CEO. I’m the COO. You Google my name and it comes up.

Wow.

He is something else.

TrashHeap · 06/02/2026 17:06

Why the hell are you married to that mess?

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 06/02/2026 17:07

Well that'll teach him won't it? Good on you op (and good on his Dad!). Maybe not as traditional as he thinks they are.

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 06/02/2026 17:07

Christ I would be divorcing him. Fuck that

Noshowlomo · 06/02/2026 17:08

Fuck that. He wouldn’t say one thing ever about me again.

Switcher · 06/02/2026 17:09

I hate to say it, but when I read about behaviour like this it puts my own gripes with my DH into major perspective! He champions me at every turn, and he's proud of me, and he tells other poeple he is proud of me.

InterIgnis · 06/02/2026 17:10

Unfortunately he isn’t proud of your success, or appreciative of what you provide as a result of it, but hates you for it (he’ll still avail himself to the benefits of it, however)

He’s insecure, and is trying to emotionally undermine you lest you get any ideas above what he perceives to be your station. He wants you to feel bad about yourself, and he wants you to fail. Your biggest enemy is your husband.

ChalkOrCheese · 06/02/2026 17:10

ChalkOrCheese · 06/02/2026 17:06

Wow.

He is something else.

And FYI OP, if you were the CEO, you'd "only"

  • be the face of the company
  • not actually do or understand the work
  • have got it because there were many candidates or they wanted a woman

There will always be a reason to undermine your success to prop up his image. He is a misogynist.

There's nothing more to it. It's like that scene in Legally Blonde "I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I?"

You won't be. Because he has to be better. If you had a little job, he'd still put you down because the kind of misogynistic man he is.

SALaw · 06/02/2026 17:12

Do you also work together? I couldn’t be married to a twat like him never mind also working with him.

Shinyandnew1 · 06/02/2026 17:13

I can't believe you are still with such a dick head, to be honest.

Who speaks to the woman they love like this?

I would suggest a trial separation and he can think about never visiting the house in the country again, because he'll have his own house, on his own.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 06/02/2026 17:14

In London, your husband would be what we call a ‘dickhead’

it’s used worldwide but in this sense it’s like an absolute twat. Like everyone thinks he’s a twat and is laughing whilst he tries to play the big man

I would suspect he and his dad don’t have a good relationship and he’s desperate to impress him. Until he changes, he never will

leave him x

Climbingrosexx · 06/02/2026 17:16

Good for you, I am by no means the breadwinner but work full time, contribute and don't do too badly but dh would never behave like that. Time for a chat once he cools down and make it clear to him that this doesn't continue and if he starts again in front of people you will be putting him and everyone else straight.

It sounds like you are the woman his dad wishes he had married (not literally of course) 😂

LemonAndGingerMarmalade · 06/02/2026 17:16

WeepingAngelInTheTardis · 06/02/2026 17:07

Christ I would be divorcing him. Fuck that

Me too

Lilactimes · 06/02/2026 17:17

You sound amazing and good for you @JoanJettsBlackheads

Don't ever apologise - he should be crawling along the ground eating shit. His words are bloody unforgiveable!!!!

FavouriteBlueMug · 06/02/2026 17:20

Even If the OP was the lower earner, even if she was a PA it wouldn’t be acceptable for her husband to speak to her that way. His lies are just the rotten cherry on top of all his disrespect.

My DH is now the higher earner. He’s proud of what I do and praises me to other people just as he did when I was the higher earner.

He was proud of me and praised me to other people when I was a SAHM and earned no money at all.

Your spouse is meant to be your best cheerleader. They aren’t meant to humiliate you and bring you down.

I’m so sorry OP. 💐

Lessonsinlove · 06/02/2026 17:21

I would struggle to come back from this.

It's the kind of thing you look back on and think "yes, that's the moment I knew I was done."

What an absolute, fucking idiot.

Edited for typo

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 06/02/2026 17:22

I'd be so ashamed of my son if he spoke like that to his wife regardless of her earnings. I bet his parents felt the same.

What a prick.

Bake · 06/02/2026 17:22

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:17

The thing is, for a long time, we earned roughly equal amounts, and then about 10 years ago, my career took off. He went from not really mentioning this, except to say that I had changed jobs, to portraying me as some kind of simpleton, in front of his parents, I think to make himself out to be some kind of alpha male like his Dad. I’ve asked him before why he does it, he says he’s just joking, and I’ve told him I don’t find it funny. But the other night was something else, he just went on and on and on. I’m just going to let him simmer for now, while I think about what to do next.

I was going to say that perhaps you should have mentioned it to him in private first, but if you've told him before then he deserves everything he got. Do you have kids? He sounds like a dick. He needs some therapy to deal with his feelings of inadequacy and if you still want to remain married, you could do with some couples counselling.

BellaVita · 06/02/2026 17:22

If he was my DH I would have twatted him before now.

caringcarer · 06/02/2026 17:24

I'd not be putting up with a DH who was like yours. If he's embarrassed he doesn't earn that much money he needs to work harder not try to pull you down. Sounds like his Dad is twice the man he is. If he doesn't apologise and mend his ways I'd bin him off.

Galatine · 06/02/2026 17:25

YouAndMeDays · 06/02/2026 15:11

but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am.

There's a lot of stuff going on here, OP. I wonder if he, underneath it all, resents that you earn/have a more responsible job than he does.

Joking about you being stupid or useless is beyond the Pale, imo. I would be BEYOND furious.

Sounds like some marriage counselling is called for, if you want to save things.

Why save this tosser from himself. with behaviour like that he deserves to be kicked into the gutter!

rainandshine38 · 06/02/2026 17:26

You’ve outgrown him. Time to sack off the loser.

BlueJuniper94 · 06/02/2026 17:26

I read the thread title and thought "bet you were being unreasonable".

Read the thread and thought "hell yeah! YANBU"

Oakbud · 06/02/2026 17:27

He has issues

harriethoyle · 06/02/2026 17:30

He sounds absolutely ghastly. Leave him and lose 15 stone of useless insecure cockwomble…

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