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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have snapped and pissed off DH in front of his parents

544 replies

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 15:06

DH becomes like another person when his parents are with us. He was brought up in a very traditional household with his Dad as the breadwinner and his Mum as a SAHM and then housewife (she has never really worked since she got married). In contrast to us, I have always hugely out earned DH, but his parents were never aware of this and simply assumed I had a “little job.”

So when we are with them, DH likes to perpetuate this myth, eg saying that my boss “let me” go to Paris with him to “help” him while he was negotiating a deal. The reality is that I am the main negotiator. DH also likes to portray me as a bit dim, ditsy and clumsy. He was going to town on this when they came over for dinner this week, telling his parents how I’d smashed a bottle of wine (true), left something in a taxi that he’d had to run after to get back (not true), plus a whole list of other things which were embellished. He then patted my arm and said “But you can’t help being clumsy and not very bright, can you? You have other qualities!”

I snapped at that point and said to him “If I’m that fucking stupid, why do I earn five times what you do?” He just sat there not saying anything, his parents made their excuses and left, but his Dad did ask me, as he was leaving, if it was true. I said it was, and he just said, good on you, I’m proud of you.

We had a huge row when they had left, and he’s now sulking and not speaking to me. I’m not apologising, and he can fuck off as far as I’m concerned. He usually just implies that I have a “little job” and that he is Billy Big Bollocks, and I bite my tongue, but the other night was just a long diatribe on how thick and useless I am. Not sure what I want from this thread or where we go from here but I just wanted to get it off my chest.

OP posts:
CommonYew · 07/02/2026 08:20

Your mother in law being a stay at home mum and then a housewife doesn't mean she hasn't worked. Housework is work.

Gremlins101 · 07/02/2026 08:21

Jesus, I earn just over half what my husband does (and thats not huge at that!) But still I would never let him describe my work as a "little job". I contribute financially fair and square and I do well at my job.

Don't let that dynamic continue with your husband. If you have kids, you cant let them see him disrespect you like that. He sounds pathetic.

Screamingabdabz · 07/02/2026 08:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

You think advocating equality and safety for girls and women is ‘cray cray’? If so, I don’t think your opinion counts for much.

KimberleyClark · 07/02/2026 08:33

YANBU. Your DH deserved everything he got. It seems he’s very insecure about you earning so much more than him. BTW if you have not had children with him I’d strongly suggest keeping it that way.

SweetnsourNZ · 07/02/2026 08:38

I think the dad probably knew all along. He probably knew from your job title where you were in life. He would also know his son's personality better than anyone. Bet he thinks good on you for calling him out too.

loveawineloveacrisp · 07/02/2026 08:42

What a twat (him). That's all.

AirborneElephant · 07/02/2026 08:44

JoanJettsBlackheads · 06/02/2026 16:18

Yes. In a super patronising way.

Has he apologised yet. If he didn’t wake up feeling terrible and wholeheartedly accepted he’s been really offensive due to his own insecurities I’d be planning an exit.

Elefontaine · 07/02/2026 08:59

I would’ve pulled my husband up the very first time he lied, why did you not take him to one side years ago and say that’s not on? That’s really odd behaviour from him. It sounds like there’s a lot of resentment in the marriage and you both either need to sit and really talk it through or go your separate ways.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 07/02/2026 09:02

He called you clumsy and stupid? That sort of thing is never a joke @JoanJettsBlackheads , he is showing you who he is, which is a sad, resentful little man who is intimidated by- & doesn’t really like- his wife.
Im really sorry and that must be awful to realise best it is all about him nd he is totally pathetic.

Hondoes he make your life better? You deserve cheerleader ho supports and is proud of you.

G5000 · 07/02/2026 09:08

what were his arguments during your row then? That it's OK for him to lie and call you dim and stupid, but you were wrong to ..tell the truth?

Shinyandnew1 · 07/02/2026 09:55

Soontobe60 · 07/02/2026 07:25

What I can’t understand is why it’s taken you 10 years to address this. Do you not talk to your PILs? ‘Hey FIL, I got a promotion and now I’m COO - isn’t that fantastic’. Also, why did you not correct your DH when he first started being a dick?
He’s an idiot, that’s obvious.

This.

Have you not told them what you do? Do you not talk about stuff?!

JoanJettsBlackheads · 07/02/2026 09:56

So he went to the Sussex house last night. Messaged me to say he was sorry and had a lot of thinking to do. I said I didn’t want to speak to him now and wasn’t sure I could get past this. Not sure what next. I think an in person apology and maybe counselling.

To those who asked if we had kids, yes, but they are late 20s and have left home.

OP posts:
G5000 · 07/02/2026 09:57

wait, you have suffered this for decades before you snapped?

Imdunfer · 07/02/2026 10:01

JoanJettsBlackheads · 07/02/2026 09:56

So he went to the Sussex house last night. Messaged me to say he was sorry and had a lot of thinking to do. I said I didn’t want to speak to him now and wasn’t sure I could get past this. Not sure what next. I think an in person apology and maybe counselling.

To those who asked if we had kids, yes, but they are late 20s and have left home.

I'm not sure I could get past it, but at the least I would want a visit to the parents where he explains to them what a brilliant career you have and how proud he is of you and how stupid he has been himself.

Good luck.

SquishySquashyWishyWashy · 07/02/2026 10:05

Imdunfer · 07/02/2026 10:01

I'm not sure I could get past it, but at the least I would want a visit to the parents where he explains to them what a brilliant career you have and how proud he is of you and how stupid he has been himself.

Good luck.

Agree with this. An apology by text just to you is waaaaaaaayyyyyy too easy and a little meaningless, or at least impactless.

sittingonabeach · 07/02/2026 10:08

How is your MIL treated, is she just the little woman at home? What about your DC, have they been brought up to believe women can be higher earners, not just serving their senior male counterparts? How was your career talked about in front of them?

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 07/02/2026 10:11

Wow. If my husband ever treated me with such disrespect then he wouldn’t be my husband anymore.
He should be proud of your accomplishments.

MifsBr0wn · 07/02/2026 10:31

I suggest your marriage is over and he maybe OK with that too. I would skip the counselling and seek legal advice.

Shinyandnew1 · 07/02/2026 10:39

You've been with this man-and known his parents- for decades...long enough to have kids together that are in their late twenties and you have never once in the last ten years talked to his parents about what you do? I find that bizarre!

sittingonabeach · 07/02/2026 10:51

@Shinyandnew1 that’s a good point. When we have weekly video chat with MIL (lives a distance from us) she will ask whether we have anything special on at work. She doesn’t know our salaries but it would surely be obvious when chatting about work what level of seniority you are

ByDenimKoala · 07/02/2026 11:05

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Why is advovating for women and girls so objectionable to you? I think your 'cray cray ' comnment is so offensive. I really do despair when women turn on women in such a dismissive way.

Kalanthe · 07/02/2026 11:11

SERVES HIM RIGHT

Sulking baby should’ve taken his career seriously not try to repair his broken ego at your expense

bloomchamp · 07/02/2026 11:15

Is it only me who feels like this is just one big elaborate stealth wealth boast? Lol

ByDenimKoala · 07/02/2026 11:18

JoanJettsBlackheads · 07/02/2026 09:56

So he went to the Sussex house last night. Messaged me to say he was sorry and had a lot of thinking to do. I said I didn’t want to speak to him now and wasn’t sure I could get past this. Not sure what next. I think an in person apology and maybe counselling.

To those who asked if we had kids, yes, but they are late 20s and have left home.

I think that deep down you know that your marriage is over. I hope you have the strength and resolve to divorce and get on with your life unfettered from this man. He doesn't deserve you in his life. The fact that his own father said 'good for you' speaks volumes.

bigboykitty · 07/02/2026 11:21

bloomchamp · 07/02/2026 11:15

Is it only me who feels like this is just one big elaborate stealth wealth boast? Lol

Yes, it's just you